Exactly 8 months ago I lost my beautiful mom to covid and kidney failure. It hit me hard, and I am still feeling the aftereffects. I am not crying as much, though. I am adjusting to life without her. Some days it feels like I am pushing a boulder up a hill, and on those days I always look outside and see red cardinals, and I know Mom and Dad are close by, in spirit, watching over me.
It just feels like I am... un-tethered now, though. Drifting freely on the earth, which is not an entirely happy thing. Parents ground us. Parents give us something to love and cherish and/or something to rebel against.
Elva Hasty Thompson was a force to be reckoned with. Opinionated, stubborn, brilliant. She was sharp, to the end. She called a spade a spade and made no apologies for it. She was always unfailingly kind, though, and always thinking of other people's feelings.
She had a million stories. This is my favorite one.
When she got pregnant with me the doctor told her she would likely miscarry. She had miscarried her first child at 5 months and never got over that. She determined not to miscarry me. She stayed in bed. Dad borrowed money and hired a maid. She bled the entire pregnancy. Bruce was 2, and lively, so she taught him to read, to entertain him. [Yes, he is a genius, like her.] When I was finally born [after a near tragedy when the cord was around my neck] I weighed 5 lbs. My grandmother figured a baby that small wouldn't survive, and left as soon as Mom and I came home from the hospital. Mom and Dad spent the first 6 weeks holding me night and day, feeding me 1 or 2 ounces of formula at a time. I am alive today because she was determined I would live. Her love pulled me through.
So many of us are facing the loss of our precious parents due to this pandemic.
If I didn't have a strong faith in God and an absolute certainty that Mom is in heaven with Dad and my grandparents and all those she loved who went ahead of her... I wouldn't be able to bear this separation. I know she is there, though.
I will always miss her.
I will also always strive to be the kind of person she wanted me to be. She sacrificed a lot just so I could live. I will always honor that.
People die.
Love never dies.