The Crab Chronicles

Practicing What You Preach

Do you love everybody? I mean EVERYBODY? If you call yourself a Christian, do you pick and choose who to love? If so, you don't really get the point.

Some of the most selfless, kind, truly good-hearted people I know are not Christian but they embody the kind of love I think we're all supposed to show one another.

A guy I know on Facebook who is a friend of a friend (not somebody I used to hang out with years ago) posted that he loves everybody -- rich/poor, old/young, black/white etc. I noticed he left out any mention of LGBT folks. I was tempted to drop a comment and ask him if he loves them too, but I didn't want to get into one of those endless Facebook comment wars that never change anybody's mind about anything.

I am always amazed by people who call themselves Christians and say they love everybody but they don't really mean it. They mean they love those they think are not in their immediate circle but probably worthy of the agape kind of love. [Definition: Within Christianity, agape is considered to be the love originating from God or Christ for humankind.]

I don't recall anywhere in the bible where is says we're supposed to love only certain groups of people. Not in the New Testament, anyway.

1 John 2:9-10 says it plainly:

"Anyone who claims to be in the light but hates a brother or sister is still in the darkness. Anyone who loves their brother and sister lives in the light, and there is nothing in them to make them stumble."

1John 4:8 says it too:

"Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love."

I don't want to get into a big debate about the bible. Even the most conservative Christians will usually admit there are parts of the bible not really relevant to today -- which is why they aren't running around wearing robes and sandals, with long beards. Most agree slavery is not okay and Paul's exhortation to slaves to obey their masters is not relevant. However, they choose to vilify gay people and claim those parts of the bible typically used to condemn homosexuality are utterly relevant. I think there is clearly a bias there, and it's a very ugly one.

None of us choose our sexual orientation. We are born how we are born. Period. Some might argue that bisexuals get to choose, but even that, I would argue, is not entirely fair.

I have a young family member who has lost most of his former "friends" because he is in a same-sex relationship. All his former friends condemn him because he isn't loving who they think he should love. He is not gay. He is bisexual. He fell in love with his partner based on his humanity, not his gender. Even if my friend were gay, would that make it okay to ostracize him because he loves differently?

We are all born bisexual, according to Kinsey. Maybe with some folks it's 99% vs. 1% but it's still there. Most reasonable adults will admit they have, at some point, been attracted to a person of the same gender.

I have a friend whose husband passed away this summer and he is in deep mourning. They were together more than twenty years. As soon as they could, they married. They loved each other deeply. I cannot see why that is bad in any way.

I have a friend from childhood who has been with her partner more than forty years, and they raised a son together, very successfully. I admire their long relationship and solid, happy marriage.

Whether my young bisexual friend chooses to stay with his same-sex partner or eventually chooses a female partner, it doesn't matter to me. He is one of the most loving and beautiful guys I know, always willing to go the extra mile for someone else. He and his partner also go to church every Sunday, read the bible, and do their best to show love to everyone they encounter. I know many so-called "Christians" who are not nearly as kind and generous and loving.

Saying you are are Christian and then refusing to even acknowledge your friends, relatives, and neighbors who are members of the LGBTQ community isn't the loving thing to do. It isn't following what I believe is the most fundamental message in the bible:

LOVE ONE ANOTHER

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only love can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that." - Martin Luther King, Jr.

Packing Up Memories

After a long summer of house showings, it looks like my house has finally sold and I will be moving on, in a few weeks. It's a bittersweet process. I raised my children here. I nursed my mom through her final days here. I have lived in this house longer than any other place in my entire life.

Sixteen years.

In May of 2005 Mom had sold her house in Augusta and I was in the process of selling my condo in Tucker, and we found this house. It's pictured below, behind the trees. We had looked and looked, and had a hard time locating a house with a big bedroom and private bathroom on the ground floor. We liked the schools in this area. I had adopted Alesia in 2004 and I wanted her to live in a home with a yard. I already knew I was going to adopt another child, and I loved playing outside as a child, so I wanted that for my kids.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In addition to the perfect room for Mom, this house checked a lot of boxes. Big yard. Lots of trees. Room for a garden. Walking distance to the elementary and middle schools. Lots of families on the street. Pool and tennis courts a short walk away.

My neighbors have been the absolute best neighbors in the world.

When I have been sick or hospitalized, they have been there. When Mother has been sick, they have been there. I called my neighbor Jenean one day, frantic, because Mom had fallen and was refusing to go to the hospital. Mike wasn't answering his phone. I couldn't figure out how to keep Mom at home and take care of her properly. Jenean brought food. Another neighbor bought me a potty chair for her. Another neighbor walked Lola for me.

One neighbor paid my kids to walk his dogs, so they could get a little exercise and have a little spending money.

Another neighbor suggested a tennis coach for my son, and he was soon happily taking lessons and loving the sport.

Neighbors have quietly helped me decorate for Halloween, have left gift cards in the mailbox, have mulched my flower beds when I didn't have the time or money.

I will miss the house terribly, but I will miss the neighbors and neighborhood more. Even though I live in big bad ATLANTA -- at least that's my address -- I really think of myself as a Tuckerite. Tucker, Georgia, is a small town, like many small towns. Main Street. Super Walmart. Small businesses galore. A great farmer's market. A Mom and Pop meat market with great takeout food [Tucker Meat Market]. They do fireworks downtown every July 4th. They decorate main street at Christmas. I am on the community Facebook group frequently [Tucker Town Talk] because I can find out who to call to fix my fridge, or replace my spark plugs, or babysit my dog, very quickly.

I plan to stay in this area, where I feel part of a vibrant small town community. I am hunting for a new place, and packing up my stuff.

 

I will take with me a million memories. They don't stay with the house. They are carried with me always, in my heart...