Last year I sold my almost 3,000 square foot home and moved to an apartment. I didn't want to live in an apartment but the house prices around here were crazy and I needed a better job to be able to get a mortgage, so the apartment has become my temporary home. I still look at real estate listings online a lot, on Zillow and Realtor.com, mainly just because I find it fascinating to look at houses, and see how everything is laid out, the colors, the kitchen design, etc.
It occurred to me only after I moved in here that whoever upgraded this apartment was a very tall person. This apartment makes me feel like a child. I couldn't reach the ceiling fan cords. I couldn't begin to reach the shower curtain rods. The bar in the kitchen is the height of my chin. The bathtub sides are so high I had to figure out how to climb over them, and it's quite a gymnastic feat. I am too short to see out the peephole on the front door.
I am not THAT short. I'm 5'3.
I had to take the apartment sight unseen, because after making dozens of calls, I could only locate ONE place in my preferred area that would take pets and had an elevator. Some places would take pets but only if they weighed less than 40 lbs. Many places simply had NO units available on my move-in date. It was maddening.
Anyway, I still look at online listings, just out of curiosity.
It occurred to me today that whenever I get ready to move into a house or condo again, I need to look for the following items in the listing description, and if the item isn't mentioned then I need to ask the seller about it.
Is the home set up for a VTP? [Very Tall Person -- see issues above]
Has the home recently been sprayed for roaches? [I had to get a pest control guy in here right after I moved in, and the guy sent by the apartment folks was a moron. I paid my own guy and it solved the problem.]
Is flood insurance required by the lender? [learned that lesson the hard way]
Has anyone ever died in the home? Would a spirit removal be covered under the home warranty, if necessary?!
Did the prior owner smoke? [Yes, some people still smoke inside, and it can be really hard to get the smell out.]
Would the neighbors freak out if I wore a bathrobe to get the mail? [my dad used to get the mail early on summer mornings, sometimes wearing only boxers, much to the delight of the neighbor ladies]
Is there wallpaper? [sometimes they don't take photos of the wallpapered rooms for the listing; fiendishly clever]
Is the water hard or soft? [in my younger years, when I "fixed" my hair every stinking day this was a hugely important question]
Is the toilet right next to the wall? That's probably not FCF [fat chick friendly]
How high is the property insurance every year? Will it kill my chances of retiring early, at around 70?!
Have snakes ever gotten lost inside the house? [yes, I personally know of that happening in several homes...]
When we tour the house can we look in the attic for signs of squirrels, possums, raccoons, dead bodies?! [Don't laugh -- in older homes this can be a real thing.]
How is the internet connection? [I learned the hard way that if there are lots of tall trees around the WiFi may be affected]
How far away is the nearest hospital? [if you're over 50 this is something to consider]
Does the power go out a lot when it storms?
How close is the nearest swimming pool? [at my last house, whenever there was a swim meet the street was choked with parked cars for hours]
Finally, I borrowed some shots of a home that is currently for sale, and these poor folks are going to have a hard time with this one...
I think this bathroom was designed by Vincent Price and Debbie Reynolds...
Below, the home of the Dumb & Dumber guys...
