The Crab Chronicles

Formerly the Queen of the Uptight

I used to be a person that freaked out quite easily. I was the opposite of laid back. I was the Queen of the Perpetually Uptight. That's not a good thing, trust me.

Everything is energy. It took me years to really grasp that but that's one of the benefits of getting older. If you're lucky, and you keep an open mind, you will accumulate knowledge that will help you cope. My hard-won knowledge of energy is as comforting to me as religion is to a lot of folks. 

One of my cousins posted a long essay about vibrational energy on Facebook. Below is a quote from it:

7 things that affect your vibrational frequency from the point of view of quantum physics.

Vibration in quantum physics means that everything is energy. We are vibrating beings on certain frequencies. Every vibration equals a feeling and in the "vibrational" world, there are only two kinds of vibration, positive and negative. Every feeling makes you emit a vibration that can be positive or negative.

 

Every thought emits a frequency out to the universe and that frequency goes back to the source, so in case if you have negative thoughts, discouragement, sadness, anger, fear, it all comes back to you. This is why it is so important that you take care of the quality of your thoughts and learn to cultivate more positive thoughts.

 

So true. When I was younger my head was filled with a lot of negative thoughts. School stressed me out because I was always wanting to make top grades and when I didn't immediately grasp the material I panicked. I also got bullied at school because I was chubby. At home, I was a constant source of annoyance to my older brother because I was walking around breathing in the same house, so he liked to tease me mercilessly.

 

I grew up and became a paralegal, mainly because my dad thought it was a good idea. I really never wanted to be a paralegal. It took me years to make peace with it. I felt obsolete in my last paralegal position -- lots of negative energies. (Thanks be to God I now have a job I love where I can use my legal background but I get to write all day, a huge blessing.)

 

I have told my son many times, we can control our thoughts. He is only slowly coming around to accepting this idea. It's true, though. Once he really understands that and puts it into practice, life will get easier. I have noticed this in my own life. It can be very tricky to do, though.

 

I have a relative who is a big strong guy but he is the most fearful person I know. He constantly worries about everything, and as a result those fears control him. My last few conversations with him have been very strained so I have decided to distance myself from him for the time being. If I told this guy that the key to inner peace lies in thought control he would snort with contempt. [I've seen that many times! He is the Snort King!] He cannot do what I do so often in life and simply turn it over to God. He knows the concept, but he cannot do it. Turning it over to God is just a mental exercise. It's the act of saying to God [or the Universe, or whatever deity you believe in] that you feel completely frustrated and unable to handle a problem, but you are going to turn your thoughts elsewhere and trust God/The Universe/Buddha/whoever to handle the problem. Taking a mental vacation from your thoughts can be very difficult to do because you stop trying to control the situation. It's absolutely necessary, though, to avoid all the worry and feelings of inadequacy and anxiety.

 

I think sometimes people cling to their negative thoughts because letting go of them would feel like a betrayal, or an acknowledgement that they aren't always right.

 

When you focus on the positive, though, it changes things. Let's say you don't believe in God. You know the happiness you feel when you express love? That's positive energy and that's a healing energy. Pet your dog or cat for a few minutes. Play with your child. Take a walk by a lake or river. Close your eyes and listen to a favorite song. Take a friend out to lunch. Put those positive vibes into yourself and see what happens.

 

I don't want to get into a political argument here but I was reminded of this yesterday as I watched the news coverage of the overturning of Roe v. Wade. Half of the people in America are in deep despair over that Supreme Court ruling. The other half are rejoicing and celebrating -- but also quite anxious about the possible backlash. The same can be said for the gun control bill just passed by Congress. Some rejoice, some despair.

 

The entire country feels awash in negative energy. We all need to walk that back -- and we can. All the negative energy accomplishes nothing. It's really wasted energy. Roll up your sleeves and work for the side you believe in, and keep focusing on the result you want. Protest peacefully if you like. Don't riot because that does nothing good. Express loving feelings through acts of kindness.

 

My dad had a very stressful job. He was a bank vice president. His days were often long and very stressful. When he got home from work, though, he would always change clothes and spend time with his children, usually playing with us. He really played -- on the floor, playing with toys, singing songs, playing games. He told Mom it was his favorite part of the day because he could forget about all the stress of the day.

 

We all need to remember that. You want to change the world? Fine. Go play. Go love. Go sing your song. Fill yourself with positive energy and wait for the blessings to roll in, as inevitably as the tide.

 

 

Great Summer Beach Books

As some of you may know, I started writing novels a few years ago and I have now finished my fourth novel. It is a story based on my grandparents' early marriage and it's very dear to my heart, so I am shopping it around to agents in hopes of getting it published traditionally. I am proud of my first three novels, though, as they represent a lot of time and effort, and more importantly many readers told me how much they enjoyed my books, which is really important. I have been a book lover most of my life and I love how books can transport someone to another world. It's sort of like taking a mental vacation -- and much cheaper than a real vacation, especially right now. I thought I'd give brief explanations of my first three novels and link to them on Amazon, so you can order copies if you like...

Dee

 

Ghosts in the Garden City

I started writing this about five years ago and it quickly sort of took over my life. I would find myself thinking about the characters while washing dishes or walking the dog, and, well, let's just say a lot of food got burned because of my preoccupation. It's set partially in Atlanta [where I live now] and partially in Augusta, Georgia, the city of my birth. When I got it finished I gave it to my mom to read and she read it in one afternoon! It is a full-lenth novel but Mom was a fast reader. She said "It's as good as any book I've ever read that was published traditionally!" She read a LOT, her whole life. She didn't like stories with ghosts or supernatural elements but she said those parts of the story didn't bother her. It's not a "religious" book in any traditional sense, but it's a book basically about forgiveness, and she liked that aspect of it.

I could see Selena Gomez as Leigh and Kit Harrington as her boyfriend. The role of Leigh's mother is really juicy and Jennifer Anniston would be awesome as her mother. Halle Berry would be awesome as her grandmother; not that she looks that old but because most of that story is set in the 1930's and 1940's. There's a terrific role for a Leigh's aunt, and I could see Susan Kelechi Watson in that role. [Yes, I confess that in my idle moments I picture all my favorite actors and actresses in movies made from my books!]

Plot:

Months after her father’s death, Leigh Harrington inherits from him a suitcase containing old clothes and other items owned by his mother, Rose, the grandmother Leigh never met. It appears that Rose secretly gave birth to a child in 1942 that was not her husband’s child. Leigh sets out to learn what happened to that child. Leigh soon realizes the contents of the suitcase also tie in to her need to uncover a traumatic memory from her childhood that ultimately resulted in her parents’ bitter divorce.

While she is looking for answers, Leigh uncovers a long-hidden secret about her family that greatly affects her already-strained relationship with her mother, a social butterfly who has never had much time for her daughter. Leigh also falls in love with Jack, the investigator she hires to help her find answers.

 

Fun Fact: When I was designing the cover I asked my cousin Linda to take a photo of a particular old home in Acworth, Georgia, and Linda kindly went over and snapped a ton of photos. I sent her mother a copy of the book, and her mother called me and told me that some of her cousins lived in the house many years ago and she had visited them there many times! Linda and I no idea about that. It's now a wedding venue called The Cedars.

Click HERE to order Ghosts in the Garden City.

 

Leaf Season

The main character of Leaf Season is a lawyer in his 50's so it's pretty easy to see where I got my inspiration. It's set mostly in the North Georgia mountains, an area I love. Leaf Season is not easily categorized because it's basically a mystery and a love story and a ghost story. I am proud of the fact that the love story involves people in their 50's because that's not too common. I would love to see it made into a series for Amazon or Netflix or Hulu. There would be lots of great roles for older actors and actresses. I can see Wyatt being played by Brad Pitt and Sally by Julia Roberts or Sandra Bullock. There's a character named Roberta who is sort of comic relief and Kathy Bates would be wonderful in the role -- and I was picturing her as I wrote it.

Plot:

When two young teens meet in 1975 neither one realizes it’s a momentous day. Wyatt is visiting next door when Sally spies him and instantly develops a mad crush. After that first meeting, though, many years and miles separate them.

Wyatt grows up affluent in Atlanta. Sally grows up working class in the mountains. Wyatt and Sally spend years apart, but then a sudden death draws them together and Wyatt returns to the mountain house. Wyatt and Sally ponder several mysteries. Why did Wyatt's uncle die behind a high wall at the family home place? Is the home place, built before the Civil War, haunted? What is in the secret cellar?

After years of trying to forget the lanky blonde boy, when she runs into Wyatt again, Sally's life feels like it’s filled not only with questions, but also with possibilities. Wyatt finds himself drawn to Sally, and to the peace of the Blue Ridge Mountains, but life gets in the way. A runaway teenager and the town busybody create issues for Sally. Ghosts, gossip, extrasensory powers, messy legal problems and a death further separate Wyatt and Sally. Can they overcome the obstacles and make peace with their complex and painful pasts? Can they sustain their love despite the painful baggage they both carry? Can they find peace in the mountain town that seems so tranquil but actually holds so many secrets?

 

Fun Fact: One of my cousins on Dad's side used to own an old hotel in Clayton Georgia and I set the novel in that same area because I know it pretty well. I have cousins on Mom's side who live nearby.

You can order Leaf Season HERE.

 

Heart of My Own Heart

I have always loved stories about time travel and about witches. I think in centuries past women were often branded as "witches" when they were not bad or evil at all, but because they had knowledge of how to cure illness with herbs and that was considered dangerous and pagan by the church. I think sometimes women were labeled as "witches" just because they were very smart, and/or they dared to question their role in society.

I am also fascinated with English History, particularly with Elizabeth I. She transformed England into a stable and prosperous country, and started it on its path to becoming a true empire, and she was brilliant and complex. She is a character in my book, as well as Dr. John Dee, who was a real person, a close advisor and astrologer to Elizabeth.

To continue with my little daydreams about movies made from my books, I would love to see a movie or miniseries based on this and starring Reese Witherspoon or Amy Adams as Sarah and Jonny Lee Miller as Azor. There are many great roles for actors and actresses in this one.

 

Plot:

Sarah Walker is a village wise woman in Elizabethan England. She leads a quiet life as a village midwife and healer until the terrible day when Matthew Hopkins, a notorious witch-hunter, rides into her village. Suddenly, Sarah's life is in danger. After a terrible loss, Sarah journeys to the New World. America proves to be a place of renewal, as Sarah is able to rebuild her life there.

On the eve of the Salem Witch Trials, Sarah escapes through time and journeys to 1770's South Carolina. There she finds her descendant Ann, and she becomes Ann's governess. Ann's family holds terrible secrets, though, and Sarah finds herself trying to protect Ann. Her next time jump holds more challenges. In 1864 Sarah has to contend with the dangers of the Civil War and its aftermath in rural Georgia, hunger and deprivation, and the threats of a devious sorcerer. Sarah’s descendant Mary is an extraordinary young witch, though, and Sarah delights in Mary’s skills.

Throughout all her journeys, a dark man, who Sarah believes is a demon, shows up in every location. Not knowing anything about him, he terrifies Sarah, until finally she cannot avoid a confrontation in the twentieth century. What he reveals shakes Sarah to her core, disclosing a terrible betrayal.

After more than four hundred years of traveling through time to guide and nurture her descendants, can Sarah protect her newest and most vulnerable descendant in 1914? Can she find true love? Can she overcome her biggest challenge in four centuries, when confronted with a fellow time traveler?

 

Fun Fact: One of my cousins on my Dad's side who has an interest in geneaology traced our history back to John of Gaunt, which means I am related to Elizabeth I and many English kings and queens. I may also be related to Thomas Jefferson, Georgia Washington, and Robert E. Lee. However, another cousin thinks the research on that is unreliable and we may not be connected at all. 

You can order Heart of My Own Heart HERE

 

Tips for Being a Caretaker for a Senior

After twenty years living alone, my mom and I decided to share a house together after I adopted my daughter in 2004. She helped me a great deal with my kids, then around 2012 she started a gradual decline and I had to take care of her more and more, until her passing in 2020. I loved my mom very much and we were good friends but at times it was very stressful. I wish I had had a primer on how to care for an old person, some practical tips. I learned on the job, through trial and error. Being a caretaker was incredibly difficult, but my mom lived to be 86 and had a good quality of life. The second anniversary of her death is coming up in a couple of weeks and I still miss her terribly.

Despite the stress, there were many times when I was so thankful my mother was still with me. We talked about everything. She told me stories I had never heard before; stories about my dad, about her family members, about how she recalled events like World War II or the Cuban Missile Crisis. (She also wrote blogs, which I’ve collected into a book called Singing to the Cows.) As the proverb says, when an old person dies it’s like losing an entire library.

Below are some tips I wanted to pass along to anyone caring for an old person:

Fire Departments do more than fight fires. You can call them and ask them to come out and help you lift your senior off the floor or out of the car. They always came and helped me when I called and were really gracious about it, and kind to her.

If your senior starts to hallucinate or say crazy things don’t assume they are getting Alzheimers! It might just be a urinary tract infection [UTI]. A UTI can cause weakness and cognitive issues but is easy to cure if it doesn’t go too far. If left untreated, though, a UTI can cause kidney failure or even death.

Sometimes you don't need to buy expensive stuff. For instance, I spent a lot of money on Incontinence pads or "chucks" pads, after a friend who is a retired nurse told me about them. It's much easier to find "puppy pads" and they are exactly the same thing! Learned that from caring for my now elderly dog who has incontinence issues.

Older people often lose their sense of taste and don’t want to eat. Sometimes they lose dangerous amounts of weight, including important muscle mass. I found that my mom would often refuse regular food but would happily eat cold and creamy things. She got where she loved Greek yogurt, which is great because it’s nutritious and full of protein. I also started making her milkshakes for lunch, with real vanilla ice cream and an egg and sometimes some protein powder or peanut butter. She would also eat eggs very well, and those are a great protein source. [I was lucky because she didn’t have to eat a low cholesterol diet.]

Cooking meat for a senior is actually super easy. Low and slow! I would put a beef or pork roast in the oven at 250 for 6 hours or in the crock pot on high for 4-6 hours, and the meat would be super tender, much easier for Mom to chew.

Most seniors benefit from a nap. It helps particularly with edema of the lower legs. Help them in bed or into a recliner but don’t let them sleep more than thirty minutes.

Falling is a common fear among seniors. The wrong shoes often cause falls. Unfortunately, women often don’t want to wear sensible shoes. Get them good sneakers. Be willing to tie the shoelaces for them. Take them places where they will encounter other seniors wearing sensible shoes. Look into brands that carry non-sneakers that seniors will often wear, like SAS, or Easy Spirit.

Don’t allow doctors or others to talk to you instead of the senior, unless the senior is cognitively impaired. That used to really upset Mom, when people would ignore her and talk to me. Remember, your senior needs to retain their dignity and self-esteem.

 

Things to keep in the car:

• extra incontinence pads and undies
• bottled water
• towels
• extra clothes
• snacks

Things to keep in their purse or your purse:

• A list of their medications and dosages
• A copy of the advanced directive for healthcare
• A copy of any powers of attorney
• The name and phone number of their primary doctor
• A copy of their driver’s license, even if they don’t drive any more

A Few Other Thoughts

Is the senior’s will up to date? Even if they have little money, a will makes it so much easier and faster to settle the estate. Make sure they also have a valid healthcare directive, written specifically for the laws in your state. You will likely have to have that drawn up by an attorney. When/if your senior needs to go to the hospital that Advanced Healthcare Directive authorizes you (or whoever is chosen) to make end of life decisions. My mother told me if she ever got Covid to not let them put her on a ventilator. She got Covid. The hospital called me and said they wanted to put her on a ventilator. I had sent a copy of the Advanced Directive with the EMTs and I said no way, just give her pain meds and let her go. It's what she wanted.

If your senior wants to talk about death, let them. Be respectful. They have to come to grips with it, and you need to understand that.

Take out your phone and make videos. I only did it twice before my mom passed and I SO wish I had made more videos! Get your senior to talk about their life, their favorite memories, their childhood, their marriage, their faith. You will cherish those videos SO much in later years!

Even if your senior doesn’t like to go out, let them talk on the phone or on a zoom call to friends and family members. Mental and emotional health is as important as physical health.

Animals are very good for seniors. Pets are great therapy, especially pets who are happy being petted, and friendly to humans.

Costco offers good deals on hearing aids – like, 25-50% cheaper, in some cases. It’s worth buying the membership to get the amazing deals.

If you find yourself in a foul humor or snapping at your senior, take some time for self-care. Take a break and get out of the house. See a movie. Eat lunch with a friend. Go shopping. If you cannot leave your senior alone, find a sibling or neighbor or someone to come in and give you a break. Your mental health is important. I was lucky. My kids were sweet about taking care of their beloved Granny, and she was like another mother to them.

If you have siblings, ask them to take a turn taking care of Mom or Dad. During all the years I cared for Mom 24/7 there was only one week I got a break. My brother came and stayed while I went to the beach for a week with my son. He called me every day and reported what she ate, how long she napped, etc. – in excruciating detail. I wanted to curtail that but I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. He told me later it was exhausting. (I was not too sympathetic.) She told me later he tried really hard but he was not as good a caretaker as me. She died 10 months later.

If you’re caring for a family member, tell them you love them every day. You never know – it may be the last thing you ever say to them.

Getting Out of a Tight Spot

Years ago, my mother and I went to the corpse viewing party at a funeral home for one of our relatives by marriage. Doesn’t the word “visitation” strike you as too banal for something as dramatic as gathering to look at a dead body? I think it’s ridiculous. Everyone goes to those things to see everyone else, and to check out whether the corpse looks “lifelike.” To me, they always look like wax mannequins, made up and dressed by a person who flunked out of beauty school. Anyway, the viewing was memorable because that evening I met the man who saved my life.

            That night at the viewing, Mom introduced me to Dr. Harry Rose, then in his 90’s. He had delivered me into this world. Dr. Rose was a devout Christian gentleman and he probably had no idea that what he was doing to save me might not have been a good idea, since he unloosed a Hot Mess into the world. I was supposed to be a miscarriage, or at least a stillbirth. When my mother discovered she was pregnant the doctor said “Elva, you will need to stay home, and get complete bed rest, or this baby probably won’t make it.” The first pregnancy had ended in a miscarriage. Then my brother Bruce was born in 1959, healthy. A few years later, Mom finally got pregnant again. Mom was willing to do bedrest. She bled profusely during the entire pregnancy, which must have been scary and disheartening.

            Dr. Rose was an Augusta institution, and he delivered by one estimation more than 15,000 babies during his long career. He was the next-door neighbor to my aunt and uncle for many years, and one of his daughters was the friend of one of my cousins. For reasons which are unknown to me, he insisted his patients not gain more than 20 pounds when they got pregnant. My mother stayed on a strict diet during all of her pregnancies because gaining more than 20 pounds would have meant finding another OBGYN. Why he was so adamant about it, I don’t know, but other doctors in the 1950’s and 60’s told their patients the same thing. Apparently, Dr. Rose was okay with mothers smoking and drinking and wearing girdles, but God forbid they should get fat.

            The bedrest was a disaster. My brother was a lively 2-year-old and needed constant monitoring to not burn down the house. Dad hired a full-time maid to relieve Mom of the chores of cleaning, cooking, and laundry. Bruce needed to be kept out of the maid’s way, so he spent a lot of time playing on Mom and Dad’s bed. Mom, who had been a schoolteacher, finally gave up trying to entertain him and taught him to read. He was little more than a baby but he was a genius. (When he started kindergarten a couple of years later he was reading on a 3^rd grade level and was bored out of his mind. The teacher used to call Mom every other day to report that Bruce had done something awful. Guess she didn’t appreciate that she had a future MENSA member on her hands.) I digressed. Back to the birth story.

            Starting when I was a teenager, Mom and Dad took to recounting the story of my birth every year. I was born on July 4^th, several weeks late. Mom and Dad had gone to a John Wayne movie and Mom went into labor and Dad was reluctant to miss the end of the movie. He let her stand in the back of the theater, in labor. Later, for dinner, they went to a barbeque at Dr. Rose’s house and Mom swore Dad to secrecy about being in labor because she wanted barbeque and peach ice cream. Dad was not anxious to get her to the hospital. When Mom had gone into labor with Bruce in 1959 she went in and out of labor for a week, and Dad set up housekeeping in the father’s waiting room, complete with a poker table, sandwiches, and plenty of cocktails. (Fathers were not allowed in the delivery room back then.) In any event, that explains why at Dr. Rose’s barbeque on July 4th Dad saw no reason to hurry up and take Mom to the hospital.

            I feel compelled to insert some information here. My brother’s birth is entirely in keeping with his personality. He is not impulsive. He is slow and deliberate about everything. He researches and investigates everything thoroughly before he commits – that’s true whether he’s buying a $300,000 house or a $30 blender. I’m sure he couldn’t make up his mind about being born, so Mom went in and out of labor over the course of a week while he decided. Labor pains would start and they would go to the hospital, but then they kept having to go back home after the labor pains stopped. By the time Bruce finally popped out, Mom had a raging kidney infection and nearly died. Dad had grown a full beard grown over days of playing poker in the waiting room – the first photos of him holding my brother a bizarre because he never grew a full beard before then (or later in life) and he looked like a young version of “Mitch” as in the “Sing Along With Mitch” guy.

            In contrast, I waited to be born on July 4^th, in keeping with my personality. I wanted to have a memorable birthday, to make a big splash. I wanted fireworks. It’s also likely I smelled the barbeque that was cooking at Dr. Rose’s house and wanted to come on out and try some. Mom was lucky to be at Dr. Rose’s home. He noticed her looking like a woman in labor and questioned her, and she reluctantly admitted the pains were 5 minutes apart. He then insisted on calling an ambulance. (Dad called his friends to go ahead and set up the poker game and cocktails in the waiting room.) In the ambulance, Dr. Rose realized that not only was I intent on getting out, but that the cord was wrapped around my neck. He somehow managed to fix that before I got born. I weighed 5 lbs. 8 oz. and had a head full of bright red hair. Mom told me years later she was rather glad I popped out so fast, because the nurses didn’t have time to shave her bottom or give her an enema – birthing practices common at the time.

            At the hospital, Dad didn’t even have time to play a round of seven card stud or drink some whiskey before the nurse informed him he had a baby girl. (His friend Stuart got there with the cards, chips, booze, etc. and Dad told him to just go back home.) Once I was cleaned up and presented to Dad, and he learned Mom and I were both fine, he was also free to go home. I asked Dad years later what he thought when he first saw me. He looked thoughtful for a moment. I expected him to say something sweet and sentimental. He was usually very sentimental. “You looked like a skint squirrel,” was his lovely response. The nurse popped me back into the incubator and he went home.

            Years later, my brother and I were grown and Dad decided to write an autobiography. He referred to my brother’s birth as the greatest day of his life. He didn’t even mention my birth. I got to type up the memoir though, all 4 pages of it.

            I digressed. Back to my crazy birth.

            After a week or so, Mother was getting ancy. I was losing weight, which is common with newborns, but since I was already very tiny, Mom was worried about me “failing to thrive.” She hadn’t spent months in bed for nothing. So she packed her suitcase and called a cab, and took me home, against medical advice. I was so tiny that none of the baby clothes fit. So my aunt went to Woolworth’s and bought doll clothes. We have home movies of me coming home from the hospital. They depict my brother running up to the cab and Mom handing him a toy truck. He barely glanced at me before running off to play with the truck.

            I sort of veered off the original start of this chapter. I veer a lot. Mom and I were at that dead body viewing and Mom introduced me to Dr. Rose. He was around 90 years old, thin and bald, unsmiling. I had seen him and thought he must be an employee of the funeral home, but nope. Mom had walked into the funeral home and greeted him. Clearly he knew her, even though it had been decades since she had been his patient.

            I had heard all Mom’s stories about Dr. Rose’s pivotal role in saving my life at birth. When Mom introduced me I looked up at him and said “Thanks for getting me out of a tight spot!” Mom chuckled nervously. I sensed that most people probably treated him with far more deference than I did. He didn’t smile. He didn’t ask me to explain. Mom was uncomfortable and I instantly knew it. Either he turned and walked off or we did. I don’t remember which.

            What if Mom and Dad had decided to skip the barbeque that day at his house? Would I have choked on my own umbilical cord?

            Mom said after I got home that she and Dad took turns just holding me and feeding me night and day for several weeks, until I finally started putting on weight and it was clear I would survive. The day Mom brought me home from the hospital, my grandmother took one look at frail, tiny me, and packed her suitcase and went home, certain I would not live. Mom really could have used her help, but Memaw had already been at the house several weeks dealing with my brother, so she couldn’t be persuaded to stay for what she considered a lost cause. To be fair, my grandmother was born in 1899 and came from a family of 15 children. Only 12 lived to adulthood. Underweight babies often didn’t make it, in her experience.

            I don’t think Mom and Dad realized what they had created until I was a toddler. People were much more grabby with children back then. I was a cherub child, with reddish blonde curls, big blue eyes, and chubby limbs. Even though I rarely wore shoes, loved to play with worms, and dressed like a homeless urchin when not in church, my looks enchanted strangers. Ladies at the Piggly Wiggly or at church always wanted to grab me and smother me with sugar. Whenever anyone started to make noises like they were going to grab me – like when ladies started saying the words “precious” or “angel” or the uniquely southern “Gimme some sugar, precious!” -- my general response was to grab Mama or Daddy’s leg, try to hide, and stick my finger up my nose for a good booger hunt. If they actually tried to pick me up I would stiffen up like I was possessed by the devil, and scream.

            Good thing that Mom and Dad didn’t have the ability to foresee the future. The Tantrum Terror became the Wild Child. As a toddler I liked to walk around naked, climb to the top of the swingset and sit there, wearing only a diaper, etc. A few years later I would do things like forcibly hold the cat in the bathtub with me, play football in the street with my brother, steal all his toys, bite my best friend’s back, and much more. Boredom was the enemy.

            Mom always said she had told God she wanted four children, but in his wisdom he only gave her two because he knew the limits of her sanity. Maybe that’s why Dr. Rose didn’t smile years later when he “met” me at that funeral home. Maybe he had heard the stories. He kept delivering babies until he was over a hundred years old, but I bet none of them were anything like me.