I was raised by conventional, churchgoing, middle class parents, who -- by today's standards of child raising -- tried to kill me.
Yes, you read that right.
I get so tired of seeing clickbait BS "stories" about how awful my parents were because we were allowed to do things -- like ride bikes without a helmet -- that would never be allowed today. Yes, every generation gets progressively more cautious about raising kids. That's just a fact.
I was never allowed to ride my bicycle outside of my suburban neighborhood. My mother (ages 12-16) was allowed to ride her bike all over midtown Atlanta, and nobody thought anything of it.
I was allowed to walk to the bus stop and wait, alone, as a little kid. Sometimes in Knoxville I would deliberately miss the bus and walk home, on pretty days. Nobody cared.
I drank out of the garden hose, many times. Never thought that was weird. I let my kids drink out of the hose once. They thought it was funny, and walked inside to get bottles of water out of the fridge. What really was awful was drinking out of the hose and getting a mouthful of HOT water because that hose had been sitting in the sun. Ugh.
I was allowed to watch whatever I wanted to see on TV. I watched a lot of reruns, things like the old Dick Van Dyke Show, Gilligan's Island, Green Acres, The Munsters, etc. I learned a lot about comedy timing from watching Hollywood Squares. I learned about small town life from The Andy Griffith Show. TV taught me a lot of things. There was no cussing on those shows, and no nudity. People smoked, but then smoking was not vilified as it is now. (I smoked when I was in my 20's, but I quit after seeing my father dying of cancer.)
I had to tell Mom where I was going but then I recall many afternoons just being outside playing, and not being missed by Mom until it got dark. We had to be home before dark. If Mom wanted us before then she would go outside and yell for us. I don't remember ever having a "playdate."
I wasn't a big team sports person but I remember swimming on the neighborhood swim team for about 3 summers, along with my brother. It wasn't horribly expensive. In contrast, my son only got to play soccer one year because the fees were horrible, like $300 and as a single mom I just couldn't afford that. When I was swimming competitively it wasn't about me getting a college scholarship or going to the Olympics. We swam because we needed to do something constructive and get some exercise and learn how to be part of a team, etc. My parents weren't criticized if they missed one of my meets. My parents didn't have to spend $100 on team snacks, ever.
We watched TV as a family. We went to the movies as a family. Dad took mama and us to plays and concerts when he could get tickets, and I only realized later how lucky we were. The tickets didn't cost $100 each, of course.
Dad taught me and my brother how to fish and there was no "catch and release" -- unless he deemed the fish too small to eat. We ate 98% of what we caught. I could clean a small fish at the age of 5, with a sharp knife. It never bothered me to behead the fish or pull out the guts. I also watched my mom clean birds Dad had shot while hunting. (My kids would have been horrified.)
My parents never told me what to read. I could read grownup books as soon as I wanted to. Nothing was censored.
I grew up playing board games, not video games. My parents never threatened to revoke game privileges. They didn't have to.
My mother would often click off the TV and yell at me to "Go outside and play!" I played football in the street. I played basketball in the driveway. I played "safari in Africa" -- hiking through the woods all afternoon with my brother.
My brother and I would make our own fires and roast hotdogs or marshmallows.
We always had chores. I started vacuuming the house at 8 years old. I cleaned up the kitchen every other night starting about age 9 or 10, and the nights I didn't clean up, my brother did. At our little cabin on the lake there was no dishwasher so we hand washed everything. There, I recall helping Dad put tile on the floors and paint the walls, and mowing the lawn, etc. starting at about age 10.
Chores are good for kids.
During the summers before my brother and I were old enough to work, my mother routinely took us to the big downtown farmer's market to buy bushels of corn, beans, etc. and then we would spend hours shucking corn and peeling tomatoes, peaches, etc. and freezing everything -- which today would be considered some sort of punishment. I didn't like doing it but I sure loved pulling creamed corn out of the freezer in January. Oh, and when I say farmer's market I mean a huge building like a barn where you'd go choose your produce from the backs of the trucks. There was no air conditioning. No fancy displays. Just people wearing overalls who had actually grown that food on real family farms. Nothing was labeled "organic."
My mother used to get a look on her face when she saw a beautiful peach or tomato, and she would say "Look Dee, how beautiful!" and so I learned to see those through her eyes, the beauty of a peach that tastes like summer. The beauty of a tomato ripened by the sun. The beauty of tiny yellow crookneck squash.
Three of my four grandparents grew up on farms. Growing something in the ground to keep your family alive is a sacred thing, and we've forgotten that.
My mother talked to us about the importance of prayer, and about faith. We went to church regularly. We were NOT super religious or ultra conservative -- it's what everyone did, back then.
We were taught to treat everyone with respect and courtesy, regardless of race. We watched our parents live that lesson, because they were always kind and respectful to everyone.
I survived my childhood, and I'm better for it. It took me years to realize how fortunate I was to grow up the way I did.
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