Years ago I was driving on the Blue Ridge Parkway in East Tennessee on a Sunday afternoon, and listening to a local radio station when I heard the DJ say: "Now this one goes out to Tammy and Dwayne, up there on the parkway at mile marker 37, getting married. They're pulled over at the scenic overlook and they've got a justice of the peace and some folks with them and for their special day they wanted to play the special song that brought them together, the song that symbolizes their love." I grinned, wondering what sappy love song they had requested. The next thing I hear are the opening chords of Lynrd Skynrd's "Free Bird."
Now, I love Lynrd Skynrd, because they are classic southern rockers, but "Free Bird" at a wedding? Did Dwayne and Tammy really give any thought to the actual lyrics?
But if I stay here with you, girl
Things just couldn't be the same
'Cause I'm as free as a bird now
And this bird you cannot change
Oh, oh, oh, oh
And the bird you cannot change
And this bird, you cannot change
Lord knows, I can't change
Doesn't sound like a recipe for wedded bliss to me, but what do I know? I've never been married. They may be grandparents by now, happily married still.
My mother asked me once what song I wanted to be played at my wedding as Dad was walking me down the aisle. I said "Send in the Clowns." She didn't think it was funny.
Left, at my cousin's wedding in 1968. I was the flower girl. I was highly irritated because my great aunts saw that I was methodically eating all of the cheese straws off the food table, and told Mom. She threatened to spank me if I didn't leave the cheese straws alone. I had never had a cheese straw, and suddenly the whole ordeal or getting dressed up and being sweet for hours was more bearable because of the delicious cheese straws.
Then I got caught.
The next wedding experience came about when I was 16 and another cousin got married. I was asked to cut the wedding cake. Huge mistake. I had no idea what I was doing. In the photo below you see my efforts to cut carefully, so the cake didn't appear to have been attacked by Edward Scissorhands...
Weddings used to be pretty simple affairs. Everyone went to church or synagogue. There were 2-4 bridesmaids and a few groomsmen. Food was simple -- mints, maybe some cheese straws or cheese and crackers, a simple wedding cake from a bakery. That's how it was when my parents got married in 1957. Rich people might have really elaborate weddings but normal people didn't.
Nowadays, though, the wedding business is BIG business. Couples spend thousands of dollars on their weddings. I have a friend who makes custom wedding cakes that are works of art and cost thousands of dollars. That's fine. It's just that I keep being confronted with stories like this one about wedding behaviors and wedding trends that are disturbing.
So I thought I'd tell a few personal anecdotes about weddings I've attended, or been in.
I had a friend years ago who got pretty angry with me because I wasn't going to spend thousands of dollars to fly to some remote island to attend her wedding on the beach. I was in graduate school. I had no money. Turned out the marriage was a huge mistake and hubby was an abusive alcoholic so I'm glad I skipped that one. I went to her next wedding and that was a lot of fun because there was fabulous food, dancing, etc. Also, that husband, although not wealthy, was super sweet and willing to put up with a really bossy wife, so it all worked out.
When my brother got married I sang in the wedding. I had been studying voice and singing for years so I looked forward to it. At the last minute, the regular church organist was sick, so this young teenager whose mama thought he was Mozart came in and accompanied me. The mother told him to play really loud and drown me out. He tried. Didn't work. I'm sure they heard me in the next county. There is a hilarious moment on the video where I am singing and I hit a high note and my brother is visibly startled. I could see his jaw muscle twitching and I knew he was trying not to laugh. / They are now divorced.
When my best friend from childhood got married I was a bridesmaid. Lovely wedding, elaborate reception at the country club. I got tipsy and got up onstage and sang with the orchestra. I was in fine voice, my friend said -- she has the tolerance of a saint. I have very little memory of it. / My friend is still married, 38 years now!
I have a good friend who has been with his wife for about ten years but they lived together about 5 years before they married. Neither one wanted an elaborate wedding. It was a second marriage for both. They were in the courthouse one day while Paul renewed his weapon permit and they decided to just go ahead and get a license and get married. I think they were both wearing flip flops. They didn't spend ANY money on the wedding and they are STILL married!
It's supposed to be about formalizing the relationship, not who spends the most money. I've saved thousands by just avoiding marriage my whole adult life. One day I might find a victim -- I mean a husband. Don't hold your breath, though.