I used to have an argument with my mother all the time that went something like this:
Elva: "Dee you need to wear some makeup and fix your hair."
Dee: "I hate makeup and I'm not going to wear any."
Elva: "At least wear some lipstick, then."
In my mother's opinion, no woman should leave her house with natural looking lips. She wore a bright red lipstick called Love That Red and I could always tell when she didn't feel well because she would fail to put on lipstick and eyebrow color.
My mother felt like she truly was unattractive without makeup. She colored her hair for years, but then got tired of it, cut her hair short and let it go gray. I liked her gray hair a lot better because it looked natural.
She didn't budge on the makeup question, though. She felt like wearing makeup made a woman feel better about herself. It certainly worked for her.
I spent years carefully planning what I would wear to work each day, fixing my long hair, and carefully applying my makeup. I was trying to catch a husband. I had to bait the hook, if I wanted to catch one. [above, a photo of me next to Mom, in full hunting gear]
When I adopted my daughter, though, I was 41 years old and I decided the Great Husband Hunt was OVER. My family was almost complete. I didn't feel the need to impress anyone. I started wearing stretchy pants, big comfy tops, and Crocs. I quit wearing makeup.
My mother lived with me and was appalled.
I could never get her to understand that for me, giving up all the fuss was a HUGE relief.
I tried to explain to Mom once that in her life, she had been conditioned to feel that if she looked natural -- without makeup, without a hair "DO" and wearing comfortable clothes [not a girdle and stockings/pantyhose] -- that she looked BAD. Furthermore, she was taught that once she had caught a man she still had to keep him. She kept a little basket of makeup, including a comb and perfume, right near the front door. When she saw Dad's car turn in the driveway she would run comb her hair and freshen her makeup so she could greet him at the door with a smile.
Maybe she had the right idea. She was married 40 years. Most of the women of her generation didn't get divorced. Books and magazine articles in the 1950's advised women that if they let a man come home to a messy house and a wife without makeup they would probably wind up divorced.
What sparked this blog was this article about how wonderful Cher looked at a recent event. She is 76. She has always had her own individual style and always flown in the face of critics and anyone who thought she should look conventional. I've always admired her outspokenness and independence. I remember watching her variety show when I was a kid. However, seeing her clearly trying to look much younger, with the long dyed hair and the face that has clearly had every plastic surgery procedure one can have, makes me feel sorry for her. She is trying so hard to fight natural aging. She looks very unnatural and fake. She's also dating a guy 40 years her junior -- so technically young enough to be her grandson, which is super creepy. [I would say that about a man dating someone 40 years younger, too.]
Now, before you compose your hateful comment, know this: I fully support women doing whatever they want to do in terms of makeup, hair, who they date, etc. We still live in a free country and everyone should look whatever way they want to look. Wouldn't it be great if all women were happy to look their age, though?
I just feel like the media is constantly glorifying women who "defy" age and as a result, women spend a huge amount of time and money to look younger. How often do you see the media celebrate the beauty of an older woman who has gray hair and wrinkles and doesn't turn herself inside out trying to look a lot younger? Not too often.
At left, Jamie Lee Curtis. She is 63, so more than ten years younger than Cher. Jamie looks normal, though. She is still attractive but you don't see her dressing like a biker chick and hanging all over a man young enough to be her grandson. Of course, Cher is still trying to attract lovers and Jamie has been happily married for more than twenty years. If she were divorced, would she be trying to "defy" aging? I don't know. Hopefully not.
I also feel like women in Hollywood get celebrated for looking younger, and held up as examples all women should follow, and that's completely unfair. I cannot afford multiple plastic surgeries. I don't want to inject poison in my face (aka Botox). I cannot afford fashionable clothes. I cannot afford a cook, or a personal trainer, or to eat seafood every night. So there's literally no possibility that I can hope to look like Halle Berry or Jennifer Anniston.
That's okay. I'm not crying about that. I am happily single and likely to remain that way. I have always been very independent.
As a society, we need to un-do all the media pressure to look younger. The emphasis should be on looking and feeling healthy.
Celebs like Demi Moore, who say there's nothing wrong with aging, also say things I find quite disturbing. Moore has designed a new line of swimsuits that no normal woman over 50 will look good in! It "...includes bikinis, one-pieces with deep V-necklines, and high-waisted two-pieces inspired by vintage designs. "We don't want to look matronly or not feel sexy." She says her own grandmother at 60 "seemed resigned to being old." Uh, that's called accepting reality. What's wrong with looking matronly, Demi? You're reinforcing the idea that women have to starve themselves, dye their hair, and try to compete with younger women for male attention. Shame on you. The next thing you will see is Demi dating some guy 10, 20, 30 years younger. In Hollyweird that is celebrated. And they wonder why so many of us in the flyover states do not admire them.
In researching this blog I found a lot of articles quoting celebs like Demi and Gwyneth Paltrow and Andi McDowell, etc. saying how wonderful it is that women can look their age, and yet every one of them looks carefully sculpted and groomed to look younger. They clearly don't understand the hypocrisy inherent in their bizarre mixed messages.
The bottom line here, as I see it, is this: I cared way too much about looks when I was younger. Now my only real concern is being clean and wearing clean clothes. No amount of makeup or hair dye will make me look ten or twenty years younger and that's fine. I'm comfortable in my own skin. I'm not worried about catching a man. I want to feel well and one day have enough energy to play with my [future] grandchildren.
I am so much less concerned with what anybody thinks of me, now. I don't let minor stuff upset me. I get a lot of pleasure out of simple things like a nice meal, a wonderful song, a great movie. I tell people I love how I feel, without fear. I cherish my friends. I like me.
I hope and pray future generations of women will stop feeling so much pressure to "defy aging." It's inevitable and we should embrace it.
#womenshouldembraceaging, #wrinklesarebeutiful, #celebsshouldshutupaboutaging, #agingisnormal, #embraceoldage, #loveyourselfatanyage, #grayhairisbeautiful, #stoptryingtolookyoung
