I was watching a movie on Netflix called Where the Crawdads Sing last night and it triggered me, big time. In the movie the little "Marsh Girl" tries to go to school and the other kids make fun of her and say ugly things about her where she can hear them. They belittle her and make her feel awful. They verbally bully her. She finds it unbearable and runs away.
Left, me in 6th grade, 1974. I was verbally bullied throughout school. I remember wishing I could be invisible. School was social torture. I was bullied for being fat, because I was a little bit chubby. Not grossly obese. I was an outdoors kid. I like to shoot hoops, play tennis, swim, water ski, play kickball, etc.
After I grew up I forgot about it, honestly.
Every once in a while I remember, though. A TV show or movie or even a book will trigger bad memories.
The bullying stopped when I was a freshman in high school and my older brother and I were riding the bus home from school in the beginning of the year. I was a freshman and he was a senior. One of the bullies rode our bus and lived in the same neighborhood. He said something mean to me on the bus and my brother told him to shut up. The bully didn't shut up. Bruce got up, walked over to the kid, and punched him in the face. My brother got kicked off the bus and walked home. My parents weren't upset with him. In fact, they praised him. Mom called the school the next day and talked to the Vice Principal about it and he agreed not to do anything else to Bruce.
Most importantly, that boy never bullied me again, nor did any of his friends.
I don't really believe in karma, but I do agree with the bible verse that says "you reap what you sow." It makes sense. What goes around comes around. I am trying to make the point that all those little boys who bullied me and who were mean to me have disappeared.
I am Facebook friends with a lot of people I grew up with, and I have never seen a single profile or post by any of those boys who bullied me. There was one guy whose sister I saw on there pretty frequently. She posted that he had died of cancer a few years back. I won't say I was happy to see that, but I wasn't sad, either. I now realize that that particular guy had a very low IQ, in addition to being a rotten person. He never married or had children, which was a blessing. I firmly believe that bullies shouldn't have children, not unless they get some counseling.
You're probably wondering why I brought this up. Two reasons.
One, holding a grudge against a bully or anyone else who wrongs you does nothing to them. It poisons you, though. Your soul is filled with negative thoughts and ideas and that's corrosive. Forgiveness is what heals you. You don't have to approve of or agree with the behavior to forgive the person who wrongs you. You just have to forgive and let go.
Two, if your child is being bullied, make it stop. If I heard a kid had bullied one of my kids I would go to the school the next day and tell the child to point out the bullies. Then I would demand they be kicked out of school, and my child transferred to another class. The school would likely view me as a troublemaker and not want to do what I ask. I would assure them that failure to stop any future bullying would be met with consequences. If the bullying happened again I would pull my child out of school and go to the school board. I'd likely go to the local news station and ask them to do a story. You probably think that sounds like an overreaction but you would be wrong.
Verbal bullying can devastate a child and destroy their self-esteem. That's not just my opinion. It can also cause Depression and Anxiety, and affect a child's grades.
According to McLean Hospital:
The National Center for Education Statistics and the Bureau of Justice Statistics and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention have published recent statistics, including:
- One out of every five students between the ages of 12 and 18 has experienced bullying at some point
- Students who reported being bullied stated it had an impact on how other students treated them
- Many children are bullied by peers who are larger or stronger than they are
- Some children are bullied because they have less money than their peers
- Fewer than half of all students who experienced bullying in school report it to authorities
Cyberbullying is also a terrible thing.
Cyberbullying is a significant concern. It can have a major impact on a young person’s mental health. Adolescents who are the victims of cyberbullying are more likely to experience depression, anxiety, and academic difficulties.
According to one study published by JAMA, young people exposed to cyberbullying are at a 50% increased risk of suicidal thoughts than their peers. Another recent study showed that children and young adults who experience cyberbullying are more than twice as likely to harm themselves and display suicidal behavior.
One study published by the Joint Research Center found that more than half of all children surveyed had experienced cyberbullying in some way. A survey published by Google indicated that teachers believe cyberbullying is their top safety concern in the classroom.
WHERE I DISAGREE WITH THE EXPERTS
Telling your child to ignore it doesn't work. Leaving it up to a teacher to stop it doesn't work. Schools usually do nothing until a child acts out violently or commits suicide. I am advocating a far more deliberate and profound set of actions. Threaten to sue. Pull your child out of school. I homeschooled my daughter for a year and it wasn't that difficult. Go to the news media. Confront the child or children who are doing the bullying and make their parents aware of what they are doing, most importantly. Hold the parents accountable. Most importantly, get the child away from the bullies. Never back down.
I adopted my son when he was 10 years old. When he was 5, a group of older boys bullied him and he fought back, and was beaten unconscious and left for dead. As a result, his right hand was frostbitten and had to be amputated. If his birthmom had been more vigilant it wouldn't have happened. She was an alcoholic. So now you know why I am such a zealot when it comes to bullying.
