When I was young I could go from calm to completely freaked out in a nanosecond. All my friends knew this about me. I once referred to myself as a laid back person and the friends I was with fell on the ground laughing and clutching their stomachs, howling with glee.
Well, not really. They did think I was dee-lusional, though.
I read a blog today and it reminded me of the terrible day 27 years ago when my father died, and I had to drive to Augusta where my parents lived. Talk about major freakout potential. My mom and my aunts were very worried about me driving all that way, crying. Everyone mourns differently. If I hear something very sad or upsetting [like someone has died] my reaction is to burst into tears, although I usually pull myself together as quickly as I need to, now. When Dad died, though, I was in my early 30's and still easily freaked out.
I ran back to my apartment and packed, and started driving to Augusta. It's about a 2.5 hour drive and rather boring. I tried not to cry but of course that made me really cry.
I held it together on I-285, which encircles Atlanta and is rather terrifying under the best of circumstances, but then I got onto I-20 which is a much smaller road, less traffic at midday, and just lost it. Even though my dad had been sick with cancer for months the diagnosis had come only a few weeks before he died. He was only 65, which I now think of as relatively young. I cried and cried, and drove, and I felt my dad in the car with me.
Up until that time I had honestly had my doubts about the whole afterlife concept. It seemed pretty far-fetched to me. After I lost my dad, though, I could feel his presence a lot of times, and I just knew his soul was still alive. That day in the car, that drive, changed my life forever.
I heard the other day about a cousin who has passed, and it was really sad because she was just a couple of years older than me. That's mind-boggling. Whenever I think about her, though, I try to focus on the idea that she is reunited with her parents in heaven, and out of all earthly pain and suffering. I believe that to be true.
I read a book a few years ago called Dying to Be Me, by Anita Moorjani. She had cancer years ago and clinically died, but came back to tell her story and bring comfort and enlightenment to many people, all over the world. I find NDE [near death experience] stories so compelling, because 99% of them say the same thing, that on the other side there is no judgment or punishment, only healing and love and beauty.
I have friends who are very skeptical of that. I feel sorry for them.
Anyway, back to freaking out.
I am writing a new novel and I realized the other day that when I am writing about a character I like getting freaked out I always put in that the character stops and takes deep breaths, to calm down. That's what I do! It always works. Always.
I also ask God to help me become calm and centered. Faith helps a lot.
Let's say you have no faith in God and you don't want to try meditative breathing. Another way to not freak out is to think THIS TOO SHALL PASS. Everything passes. You can let things freak you out, or realize that the only thing you can really count on in life is change.
Finally, remember that freaking out accomplishes nothing. It fills your heart and mind with negativity, and that's terrible for your emotional and even physical health.
I recently read this story about a man in New Jersey who is 109 and who still lives independently, drives, and is doing well despite his age. I love this quote from him:
“I keep positive. I never think any other way when something’s wrong,” Dransfield says.
Words to live by.