I asked my son the other day why he never reads any of my books and he just shrugged. I was reminded of a time when I was young and I hated hearing my mother sing. My mother was a professional singer when she was young. She had a wonderful voice. People would often come to our house for parties and since we had a piano and she was an excellent accompanist for herself, they would ask Mama to sing. I always made myself scarce.
When I heard her sing it made me profoundly uncomfortable.
A few years ago I was trying to re-learn the guitar and my son walked into the living room when I was playing a song and singing it. He listened for a moment, then turned and fled upstairs to his room, and slammed the door.
I have several close friends who refuse to ever read any of my books, and my own brother won't read my books.
I've had a lot of time to ponder this and I don't have any well-researched or definitive answers but I have a few theories.
I sent one of my novels to a cousin I've always been close to and his email to me when he had finally finished it was complimentary but then again, sort of not? He said as he read he just kept finding little things that reminded him of me, and it made him uncomfortable.
I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing but I appreciated his honesty.
When I sing, I try to sing the correct notes and to breathe properly because I studied voice for years. I try to sing with feeling, of course, but I probably worry more about singing correctly. My mother sang with more feeling. Hearing her voice was like opening a window and seeing her heart. She was a VERY tender-hearted person. I needed her to be strong. Marriage to my father was never easy for her, for a lot of reasons. After we started living together and raising my children together her voice didn't bother me. We often sang together. I have a couple of recordings of us that I cherish. I didn't need her to be strong any more. I was strong enough to take care of us both, as she grew older and more fragile.
A book is different from a song, but probably often even more intimate. Every novel I write has a lot of me in it. Not in every character, but I figured out years ago how to tap into what I know in order to create believable worlds and characters. I also research, of course, but I have not been able to physically travel anywhere for years, for several reasons, so my imagination and the internet often have to suffice for actual research.
I have started trying to imagine sensory details when watching movies. I try to imagine what the characters feel when they are touching someone or something. For instance, when you hug someone who is wearing a cotton dress shirt, I know what that feels like. I know what a ripe peach smells like when you cut into it. I remember the sensation of riding a horse because I took riding lessons for years. I know how it feels to hold an infant, the sweetness of it and the terror that they might be dropped because they can be so wriggly.
A great writer invites you inside their heart and their head.
A great artist in any medium causes you to feel a certain way, because they know their art, either through instinct or training.
I have a new manuscript I am trying to use to get a literary agent, which is a frightening process. You have to send out queries to agents, which they then read -- and often decide in a matter or seconds how they feel about your work. It's like an audition, but for a writer. I hate auditions.
I always want to say look, I am not great at marketing myself, but I am a pretty decent writer. That's not allowed, though. I always wish the first thing read would be my biography:
I earned an MA in Creative Writing and I have worked as a freelance writer, a journalist, and a paralegal. My essays have been included in the award-winning books Call Me Okaasan [2009] and The Divinity of Dogs [2013]. This is my sixth novel. The first five were self-published on Amazon, to wit: Ghosts in the Garden City [2019], Leaf Season [2019], Heart of My Own Heart [2020], Return to Marietta [2022], and Dancing in the Wreckage [2023]. Additionally, I’ve published numerous articles online and in print, [portfolio] and I’ve been writing a personal blog, The Crab Chronicles, since 2005.
Then again, it seems like some agents get a thrill out of championing a writer who has just finished their first novel. That's okay. If the writing is great, that's entirely fair.
I just wish some agent sometime would see that I've self-published five other novels, and each one has been better than the one before. I have literally taught myself how to write by actually writing. I'll keep publishing as long as I keep writing and I likely won't stop writing until I die. Maybe all my work will have to be self-published and I will have to continue the painful process of figuring out how to market myself. I would like to try the traditional method of getting published, though.
I keep envisioning an agent reading my query and recognizing that my novels are not just about stuff happening or filled with poetic descriptions, but they are filled with details from my heart, from all the life I've lived for the past sixty years. If you want to know what dogged determination feels like, or what a broken heart feels like, or the agony of watching your child screw up their life, you need to talk to someone over forty.
One final thought... so many agent bios I read online say the agent is looking to represent BIPOC people or handicapped people, those whose voices are not heard so often. How about older people? Not like Stephen King or Diana Gabaldon but older people who are not wealthy and/or famous? Do you not want to hear our voices because you think it will be too uncomfortable? Older people have lived and loved and suffered and we have a lot to share. I remember what it was like to fall in love. I remember what it was like to be belittled because of my gender or because I am southern. I remember every slight and every triumph.
Another crucial point: we love to read books written by our peers or older folks -- so we are a great untapped market...
A GREAT GIVEAWAY!
If you want to win a free copy of one of my self-published books, go to my Facebook page and share the post on there and you will be entered to win a free copy of one of my already-published novels -- your choice!
The drawing will be held on July 4th!
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