I just read a post on Twitter/X by a young woman who couldn't be more than 35 and she posted on there and said "Do you ever look at photos of your younger self and just want to cry because you don't look like that any more?!" I replied and and said NO! I earned these wrinkles and gray hair. I am glad not to have to worry about my looks any more.
I saw Jodie Foster interviewed on CBS Sunday Morning and she is the same age as me and she looks it. She has gray hair and wrinkles! Good for her! Most Hollyweird actresses over 50 still have long hair and faces that look really weird and unnatural and they creep me out. [Courtney Cox and Julia Roberts, I'm talking to y'all...]
There's only one photo of me that I kinda wish I still looked like:
Then again, I was constantly worried about my hair, my makeup, my earrings, etc. I spent a ton of my life trying to look perfect and attract a husband and it was all a silly waste of time.
I think I am part of one of the last generations to be raised by pre-feminist mamas. My mom's youth was spent in the 1950's -- the decade she graduated from high school, graduated from college, got married, and had her first child. She faced a ton of discrimination. SHe was almost an "old maid" at 22! She wasn't allowed to wear pants to school even in college. Women were denied entry to management training programs because they would "just get married and quit." My mother never left the house without putting on lipstick.
So much of her self-worth had to do with what she looked like, and she tried to pass that on to me. I bought into it in my 20's and 30's, what I call The Husband Hunting Years.
When I adopted my daughter I realized she needed a full-time mom who didn't date, who would focus only on her, because that was not true of her birthmom. She deserved a full-time mother so I quit trying to find a husband, quit worrying about my hair and makeup and shifted into Mom Mode. Ditto for when I adopted my son a few years later. I had gained a lot of weight by then, which I regret of course, but the peace of mind I felt from not worrying about my appearance was priceless.
I think some moms are still preaching to their daughters that looks are super important and I don't agree with that. I think a woman should want to eat right and exercise because she wants to be healthy, not because she wants to "catch a man."
I am not against dating or marriage. Far from it. I am open to any guy who likes full-figured ladies with gray hair. I just won't turn myself inside-out to try to fit some idea of what I SHOULD look like.
I have sometimes reflected on the fact that if I had gotten married in my 20's and had biological children I wouldn't have ever met my children, and that would be truly awful. When I turned 60 I started thinking about all my life choices, good and bad, and I decided to forgive my younger self for the mistakes I made.
As my precious Memaw taught me, "Dee, do your best every day, all the time, and then you won't have regrets."
I've done my best. No regrets.
I earned all my wrinkles and gray hair. I earned and more importantly I LEARNED.
I also earned the ability to laugh at all my mistakes and foibles, and that's why I wrote my memoir, Talking Back, Stories from the Big Hair and Pantyhose Years.
One of my friends who read an early draft, who chose an entirely different path to career and motherhood, said to me after she finished it:
"Omg so much I can really relate to in my own life growing up and now. And future readers of this work of your will also relate as well."
That meant so much to me, that she could relate.
If you are a woman over age 50 you should be able to relate to a lot of things the book. If you're in the legal profession you should find a lot to relate to, and if you're a Southerner you should find it very relatable. If I've done my job right, though, you can be none of those things and still like the book.
You can click on Read a Sample, and scroll down to page 18, and you will get a good idea of the rest of the book. I try to mainly be positive and share funny stories but I mention some of the negative stuff in my life, not because I want anyone to feel sorry for me, but just because otherwise I think it wouldn't ring true. Check it out.
#memoirsofmoms, #funnymemoirs, #funnyparalegalstories, #storiesfromthesouth
