The Crab Chronicles

Eight Years Ago

It seems unreal that exactly 8 years ago at this time I was in Petropavlovsk, Kazakhstan adopting my son Michael. The time has flown by.

I wrote about this anniversary last year and included a lot of photos.

I remember being so startled by the weather in Petropavlovsk. It was freezing cold and snowy. The buildings, like buildings in Russia, were warm or even hot. Outside was yucko. Every time I left the hotel I wore my Crocs rain boots. Lots of snow, frozen slush, mud, etc.

By contrast, the high today in Atlanta is 52. The high Sunday is supposed to be 75. That's the March weather I am used to experiencing.

In the fall of 2005 I had seen Michael's photo on the Adoption Ark website, and I knew immediately he was my son. He was born the same month my father died, July of 1996. In fact, Michael was born one week after Dad died. Included in the information was this sentence, which tore at my heart: "Everyone that knows Igor is desperate to find him a family because he is such a special boy."

After much prayer, scrambling to find the money for the adoption fees, and even the writing of my book Jack's New Family, to help him transition, I was ready to go to Kazakhstan.

For over a year, the good folks at the Antares Foundation had emailed me photos of "Igor" -- his birthname. Below, one of the photos. I studied each photo over and over.

I remember our first meeting like it was yesterday. We were in a small conference room in the orphanage, the translator, me, the assistant head of the orphanage. I had photo albums on the table. I had barely slept the night before.

In came one of the caretakers and a tiny boy with a burr haircut.

Michael was SO small -- not like the 10 year olds here. He was the size of an American first grader. Shy, too. Barely said a word during that meeting.His first question to me? "How OLD are you?!"

I told him that day that I had to have 2 hugs every day, and he hugged me without reservation. I visited him every day for the next three weeks, and on April 3, 2007 the judge said he was my son.

Happiest day of my life. [Equally as happy as the day in Russia when I became a mom for the first time.]

Happy anniversary, Michael. Here's to 8 more great years!

My Awesome Son from Kazakhstan

I spent a good deal of time yesterday working on an article for a magazine aimed specifically at folks with limb differences, inMotion. I have seen the magazine at the clinic where Michael goes to get his prosthetic fitted and adjusted.

The article I wrote is not long, but the thesis is simply that not all UE [upper extremity] limb difference folks choose to wear a prosthetic.

If you think about it, it makes sense. If you are a LE [lower extremity] limb different person, you will find it impossible to walk without a prosthetic. Most people will choose a prosthetic over a wheelchair or crutches, absent other issues.

If you are missing a hand, or even an entire arm, however, you have more choice.

Michael lost his right hand and forearm to frostbite when he was 5 years old. Can you imagine being 5 years old and being told that if your hand isn't amputated, you will die? It boggles my mind and makes me very sad every time I think of that.

Michael has a remarkably good attitude about his missing hand. Rarely have I ever heard him complain about it, even though he sometimes gets frustrated with manual tasks such as cutting.

I have been reading a blog for a while by a young pastor in Wisconsin who has the same limb difference as Michael. his blog is Living One Handed. I really like it, because he aims to have a positive influence on people who live with only one hand.As he says:

"My aim in life is to help people realize they are valuable.

They are lovable.

They are important.

Hopefully my story, my life, will help you to find and live yours."

See this little guy, with his pants that are too big? This is Michael in 2007, in my hotel room in Kazakhstan, playing with an inflatable beach ball I brought from America. See that grin on his face? He already knew he was loved and wanted, and would soon be heading to a new life in America.

There are hundreds of kids with limb differences needing to be adopted.

Most people when they talk about adoption say they want a "healthy" child. They don't want to consider a child who is not, in their eyes, "whole." What they fail to realize is the amazing resilience of a child who may be viewed as "handicapped" by the rest of the world, but who has learned to adjust to his or her limitations and find joy in life anyway.

I belong to a Yahoo group of parents of kids with limb differences, and what I hear over and over from parents who are newly home with their kids is that these kids are amazing.There are 897 members of the group. That's a lot of kids in loving homes.

I was corresponding with another parent about my article and she shared this about her 3 year old son:

"We adopted him from China, he has been home 13 months. Very social. Says hi to everyone. He has become quite the singer, he will serenade ladies at the grocery store with "twinkle, twinkle little star"."

Does that sound like some poor, pitiful little "handicapped" child??

I remember when I was in the process of adopting Michael, some folks looked at me with great skepticism and/or awe, that I would take in a little charity case, like what I was doing was a humanitarian gesture. Nothing could be further from the truth. I knew instinctively that he was the right child for us. The agency said he had a great personality, was intelligent, got along well with other kids, and was totally self-sufficient.The missing hand was really not important to me, although I felt bad that in Kazakhstan he was viewed as a person who would always depend on government assistance and would find it probably impossible to get a job when he grew up.

I also was able to get information on Michael from The Antares Foundation because their CEO had been to Kazakhstan and met Michael, and could tell me truthfully what a great boy he was.

When I traveled to Petropavlovsk, Kazakhstan, in March of 2007 and finally met Michael, after months of hearing about him and seeing photos sent by the good folks at Antares, I knew the moment I saw him he was my son. It didn't matter that he didn't speak English, or that he had spent his first 10 years without us. All that mattered was that I wanted a son and I knew he would be a wonderful addition to our family.

The kind of joy that I felt then, and still feel now, is beyond price. It's not a second-best choice, which is how a lot of people view adoption. Michael has always been my son, but it took me some time to figure that out. He has been a joy to me ever since he came home.

I have heard from several people over the years, folks who know Michael well, that they never think of him as having a missing hand. His personality, his intelligence, his kindness - these are the attributes that shine through. The hand is just not important.

I just wish more people would realize that:

1. Most kids with limb differences are just normal kids, and they can be an awesome addition to your family. Shriners will help your child get a prosthetic if he/she wants one, at no charge.

2. Adoption is not impossible to afford. There is an adoption tax credit of almost $13,000. I also got a $2,000 grant from the state of Georgia for adopting an older child, and a $3,000 grant from my employer.

Even if you don't have any desire to adopt, the fact that you are reading this is a good thing. There are lots of ways to help kids in foster care here, or in orphanages overseas. A good place to learn more is the Evan B. Donaldson Institute.

As you can see below, my son is all boy, and he can do ANYTHING.

Mike at camp in summer 2012, whitewater rafting

hitting golf balls last March

climbing the wall

swimming with Colton earlier this summer

Easter Day and Photos

I don't know when our trampoline ceased being a rather large toy and became, instead, a place ot sunbathe. I know a boy who is sleeping just down the hall slathered in Lanacaine because he thought tanning was important before he went to the pool for the first time.

I let the kids sleep late and tried to have a fairly lazy day, since we had such a busy week last week. I say tried, because that's what ended up happening, simply an attempt to be lazy.

I bought two lbs. of shrimp yesterday so we could have a special ceebratory Easter meal. I ended up cleaning and cooking them, and a pot of rice, for lunch. I don't mind cooking, but it was a lot of work to clean and devein 2 lbs of smallish shrimp.

Then I had to take Alesia to work. Then I ran over to Lesleigh's to give her a little Easter present. Then I had to get gas.

I came back and rested for an hour and then I had to go ahead and put out the small tomato plants I bought yesterday. Mike was not happy about helping me, but I wanted to get my gardens planted.

I was happily digging in the rich black dirt, exclaiming over the many worms, and Mike was scowling and kicking the green gardening cart.

I used to hate yard work too...

The other day Mike and I had a good time looking at some photos of him made during his last year at the orphanage. A man who worked for the Antares Foundation had given me these photos on a CD before I left Kazakhstan, which was kind of him. Seeing Michael as the tiny little boy he was really makes me nostalgic. He is turning into such a young man, now.

So I thought I'd share.

This is my friend Cindy's daughter Angela.

Michael and his friend Paul, who was adopted by my friend Sarah and her family in upstate New York.

Here we were, waiting to bring home our boy.

And here's our handsome young man!

Lots of Stuff

You want to know the biggest difference between teens and tweens? Take a look at my friend Cindy's blog and the smiling faces of her tweens. Then check out this:

I have some photos where Alesia looks OK and Mike is sticking his tongue out, too.

Cindy said her life is too boring to write about. I disagree. Although I like to drop names and I often try to be funny here, in truth when I read a blog I usually prefer the little moments when things are interesting on a purely personal level to the big dramatic statements or over-reaching for the sake of humor.

Alesia was picked up by a friend yesterday and spent the entire afternoon and early evening at their house. Mother was annoyed by it. I was just irritated because she kept telling me she was staying longer and longer, which made it hard for me to plan. We constantly struggle with defining boundaries, since she's 19 and in college but still living at home.

So last night at 7:30 I'm standing at the stove in a bathrobe cooking dinner, and in she bounces, all smiles, and gives me a big hug - a rare thing, that hug. She has mostly been grouchy lately. The big hug was a welcome surprise. I don't know what to attribute it to, other than perhaps she just needed to hang out with friends for a change. She's working hard to get used to school.

Michael's fourth post placement visit is coming up. I already called for the social worker appointment. With Alesia, I only had to send I think 3 or 4 post-placement reports to Russia. With Michael, Kazakhstan wants them until he is 18. Next year I have to just write them up myself and attach photos. (The reports want to know is he healthy, what does he weigh and how much he has grown, how he is doing in school, does he do outside activities or sports, etc.) That's no trouble for me, since I am a writer and I know what they're looking for, but I feel sorry for folks who don't feel comfortable writing. Yet, if you don't send them the governments can and will halt adoptions. It happened in Ukraine a few years ago, throwing many families into turmoil.

Michael's best friend Denis is 13 or 14 and has a younger brother Kolya, who is about 8 years old. Both are in the orphanage where Michael was, which is a decent place, as orphanages go. They need a new sponsor, or someone to contribute to Antares so they can go on outings and things, but I cannot afford it right now. Heck, if I could afford it I'd adopt them both. It's just not possible with me not working full-time though. I am asking folks who might be interested in sponsoring them to let me know, or contact Katrina at Antares [[email protected]]. Unlike most programs, Antares doesn't require you to send a set amount every month. They do outings for the kids several times a year, and sometimes set up little birthday parties and/or holiday gatherings, and ask for contributions, that's it. There is an outing planned to a cafe in February and I am trying to figure out a way to raise the funds to get Denis and Kolya and my little sponsored girl, Sasha, there. The cost is $35 per child - they have to rent a vehicle and pay someone, plus pay for the child's meal, which is why it's so much. I am struggling to pay bills, still, since I am working only part time. If you'd like to contribute to that, or sponsor the boys, let me know. You can use PayPal. If you'd like to see more, check out this link [I hope it works] to the Antares Facebook page.

I have heard orphanages described as "prison for children" and that's often accurate, unfortunately. This is a photo of the orphanage, taken in March 2007. It looks pretty much the same now, except I bet there's more snow since it's January. The kids rarely get to go anywere. School is done at the orphanage. Many children never have any contact with family or the outside world. They leave there totally unprepared. Antares helps them feel like there's someone out there who really cares. They also help the older ones after they leave the orphanage and are struggling to deal with school or find work.

This is Kolya. I couldn't find a good photo of Denis, but Michael adored him and he's a good boy.

I look at Michael now and I see a young man, not a little boy any more. It's startling.Below, in a bliny cafe in Petropavlovsk in spring 2007.

Above, a few weeks ago.

Mike has had issues with his skin for a while now, and it's doubly embarrassing because he's a bit older than the other 7th graders, at 14. His voice has dropped, too. However, I have my friend Stephanie to thank for introducing me to the amazing products on this site, Goat Milk stuff. Michael has been washing his face every day for more than a week with a tea tree bar and it's made a big difference. His face is much clearer now. I know, you're thinking it's too expensive, but it's not. It's a BIG bar, and a tiny bit makes a lot of lather. We've tried every acne product on the market, and this one WORKS. I was willing to try anything. These goat milk products are very pure, and it's a family business. So I urge you to check them out. (I am not getting paid or anything either, BTW, I just genuinely like their products.)

Speaking of Stephanie, she is in the last week of her fundraiser to help her and Warren pay for her newest adoptions, 3 special needs kids from Bulgaria. If you're looking for a great gift idea for kids, you've got to check out the hooded towels she's offering. If I had little kids I would buy these in a heartbeat. I had never seen hooded towels for kids until I saw these, but what a great gift idea. Mike will still throw his wet towel over the bedpost sometimes if I don't fuss at him.

****************************************************************************************************************

LIFE ON A FARM IN WWII

My mother has been working on a blog post now for a good while, and I am delighted to post a link to it. I am very proud of her for writing it. There was very little editing needed.

We Have a Winner!

Congratulations to Donna Morgan, who is the winner of the beautiful Russian doll!

Thanks to ALL who contributed! Antares has a good start on financing Diana's trip to the US. HOWEVER, they still need money to make the trip possible. Please donate to Antares [http://antaresorphans.blogspot.com/] and make it possible for this sweet girl to get the medical help she needs!

God Bless -

Dee