The Crab Chronicles

Dancing in the Wreckage and Adoption

When I started this blog in 2005 it was a way for me to update friends and relatives about how my daughter was doing post-adoption, and how I was coping. Nobody in my circle of friends and family had ever adopted a 13 year old girl from Russia who spoke almost no English. She was nearly as tall as me. To say it was a huge challenge would be a massive understatement.

Blogging every day was like journaling every day. It helped me cope. I blogged daily for years.

In recent years, since both my kids are now grown and have their own lives I have stopped blogging about them.

However, as a friend pointed out to me not long ago, my novel Dancing in the Wreckage, while not ostensibly a novel centering around adoption, actually has a main storyline from the point of view of an adopted guy. One of the main characters, Zak, is adopted as an infant but not told he is adopted until his 18th birthday, which rocks him, and sends him into a personal tailspin for several years.

Also at the heart of this book, it's about motherhood.

One of the main characters was abandoned as an infant and grew up in an orphanage. Another character was the result of an accidental teen pregnancy but kept in the birth family and raised with great love, albeit not a lot of money.

Another main character was conceived outside of a marriage and never told the true identity of his father until after he was grown.

I have never been faced with an unintended pregnancy but I've had friends who went through that and had to make really tough choices. It's never an easy situation, whether you are married or single. Women have always had to pay a high price for loving someone outside of marriage, and oftentimes their children pay a high price also. Until recently, shame played a big part in separating mothers and children. Shame is toxic.

Back to adoption. There are lot of ways to be a parent without giving birth, and those are valid choices too.

In the book, Amy is raised without a father but in a household with her very loving aunt who is as much a parent to her as her mother. She also gets parented by her grandmother, who also lives with them.

Carson [another main character] is raised in a loving family with plenty of money but he has issues. His nanny mothers him more than his mother.

I never set out to write a book about motherhood or adoption but those themes found their way into my quirky little book, probably because they are at the heart of my own life and I understand so well that even seemingly "normal"/traditional families can be very flawed and very unconventional homes can be very healthy and nurturing. There is no "one size fits all" when it comes to parenting.

Full disclosure: I was raised in a very traditional home, with a stay at home mom and a banker dad who worked hard. We lived in the suburbs. We were very middle class. (We still had issues.)

My mother had to get a hysterectomy when I was five years old and my parents were pretty open about the consequences. They said they would not be able to have more children. I begged them to adopt a little sister for me. I cried. I threw a tantrum. Mom and Dad said no, two children were enough. I'm sure many years later when I was 40 years old and hadn't found a husband or become a mom yet that heavily influenced my decision to adopt.

I also talk in this novel about the beauty of friends who accept you for who you are. Amy has a lot of fear around intimate relationships and eventually gives up looking for Mr. Right. She gets a lot of love and support from friends who are gay and bi. I have dear friends and family members I love who are gay. They  have been there for me in my toughest times, and I like to think that by writing about them I am honoring them in some small way. It's my way of promoting love and acceptance of all kinds of love. 

I have had friends who are very conservative read this book and they've enjoyed it. A friend of my parents who is nearly 90 years old read this book recently and called me to tell me how much he loved it. He has no connection to adoption or unwed motherhood. He hasn't done DNA testing and learned anything unusual. That made me feel really good, knowing he liked the book, because I love the idea of writing as being instructive but also entertaining.

If you like quirky books about unusual families, books set in the South, books with adoption themes, etc. check out my book Dancing in the Wreckage. It's also just a plain old good read, with a lot of funny moments...

#booksaboutadoption, #booksaboutmothers, #humoraboutmothers, #bookswithLBGTQcharacters, #booksaboutdnatestresults, #adoptionbooks, #booksaboutunwedmotherhood, #humorousbookssetinthesouth, #novelsaboutadoption, #adoptionasathemeinanovel, #bookssetinatlanta, #quirkyfamilybooks

Help Kids to Love History

You know why so many kids hate History? It's dry, boring facts. There are no compelling visuals, and kids today want great visuals and videos. You can't touch it, unlike science. Kids don't see the relevance of History to life today.

I was a lucky kid because my father loved History and we visited museums and battlefields and he explained everything to me and my brother in a way that was vivid and compelling. When you're walking on the ground where soldiers fought listening to an account of the battle by someone who spoke as though he were there, it makes History really come alive.

Dad's gone now but there are other options.

You know a great way to get kids fascinated by History? Take them to the cemetery. Oakland Cemetery. Kids really learn better when they are standing in the virtual shoes of people who made history, and there are lots of those folks in Oakland.

"Discover the history, the period gardens, and the art and architecture that give Oakland its distinctive character. Oakland is an outdoor museum of Atlanta’s history with over 70,000 stories to tell; stories filled with both stunning victories and heart-wrenching tragedies." [from the website]

Oakland Cemetery first started burying people in 1854, and today it's a public park, free to visit. You can show kids where Civil War soldiers are buried, and walk a short distance and show them the graves of Atlanta's first black mayor, Maynard Jackson, or golf legend Bobby Jones. There are elaborate mausoleums constructed by the wealthy and prominent, and tiny stone markers over the graves of those with no money or fame. 

Kids can actually touch graves, headstones, and the many varieties of exotic plants. This page offers information for those looking to do a school tour. This page offers suggestions on different types of lessons for kids.

History is not the only subject you can teach while walking around Oakland.

Here are some fun facts you may not know about Oakland:

• It's a public park so admission is free
• Oakland is a Victorian garden cemetery and your child who loves plants and gardening will delight in the huge variety of plant life, including a huge variety of flowers, trees and shrubs. "Oakland’s tree canopy includes over 1600 trees and hundreds of species. Some are saplings, while others are close to 200 years old." [Source]
• Architecture aficionados will learn all about the unique offerings at Oakland: "People have sought to honor the memory of departed loved ones since ancient times, but the 19th century ushered in a new era of funerary art. Innovative building materials came available and styles changed to reflect the popular architecture of the day, such as Egyptian and Gothic Revival. New money meant bigger and bolder memorials to reflect the social status and power of prominent families." [Source]
• Most kids nowadays know the meaning of the word "diversity." Oakland Cemetery in downtown Atlanta has graves of people from all races and religions.
• If you want to visit during one of the many fun events, you can create a lasting memory for your child. Oakland hosts many fun events during the year, such as the Tunes from the Tombs, Run Like Hell, and Capturing the Spirit Halloween tours

"It might seem strange, at first, to hang out in a cemetery, but recreation in cemeteries is nothing new. In fact, picturesque cemeteries like Oakland were designed as public spaces, and in the second half of the 19th century, city dwellers visited them when they needed to get away from the hustle and bustle. They were popular spots for picnics, walks, and more." [Source]

 

My friend David Moore was head of Historic Oakland Foundation until recently, and now he is the Director Emeritus. A few years ago I was privileged to get a personal tour of Oakland, riding in a golf cart with David. He was such a fun tour guide, and knew so many great facts and anecdotes.

If you want to visit Oakland you can take a guided tour, either with a volunteer or listening to a recording. The tours are free if you're a member of Historic Oakland.

If you think of cemeteries as sad and boring, I invite you to re-think that idea. Oakland is a place bustling with life.

 

My friend David Moore is raising funds to improve Oakland, as he explains:

"The Living History Campaign is our first ever capital campaign and we are trying to raise 12 million to build a visitors center outside the gates for us and the community to use for large gatherings, symposiums, etc. - a real facility we've never had before. We're also rehabbing the Bell Tower Building and a huge undertaking of restoring the east side of the cemetery. We hope these projects will increase revenue, increase visitors, etc. and folks can come learn about the past, and more." - David Moore

You can learn more HERE.

 

 

 

 

Looking for a great summer read? Check out my newest novel, Return to Marietta! LINK

Packing Up Memories

After a long summer of house showings, it looks like my house has finally sold and I will be moving on, in a few weeks. It's a bittersweet process. I raised my children here. I nursed my mom through her final days here. I have lived in this house longer than any other place in my entire life.

Sixteen years.

In May of 2005 Mom had sold her house in Augusta and I was in the process of selling my condo in Tucker, and we found this house. It's pictured below, behind the trees. We had looked and looked, and had a hard time locating a house with a big bedroom and private bathroom on the ground floor. We liked the schools in this area. I had adopted Alesia in 2004 and I wanted her to live in a home with a yard. I already knew I was going to adopt another child, and I loved playing outside as a child, so I wanted that for my kids.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In addition to the perfect room for Mom, this house checked a lot of boxes. Big yard. Lots of trees. Room for a garden. Walking distance to the elementary and middle schools. Lots of families on the street. Pool and tennis courts a short walk away.

My neighbors have been the absolute best neighbors in the world.

When I have been sick or hospitalized, they have been there. When Mother has been sick, they have been there. I called my neighbor Jenean one day, frantic, because Mom had fallen and was refusing to go to the hospital. Mike wasn't answering his phone. I couldn't figure out how to keep Mom at home and take care of her properly. Jenean brought food. Another neighbor bought me a potty chair for her. Another neighbor walked Lola for me.

One neighbor paid my kids to walk his dogs, so they could get a little exercise and have a little spending money.

Another neighbor suggested a tennis coach for my son, and he was soon happily taking lessons and loving the sport.

Neighbors have quietly helped me decorate for Halloween, have left gift cards in the mailbox, have mulched my flower beds when I didn't have the time or money.

I will miss the house terribly, but I will miss the neighbors and neighborhood more. Even though I live in big bad ATLANTA -- at least that's my address -- I really think of myself as a Tuckerite. Tucker, Georgia, is a small town, like many small towns. Main Street. Super Walmart. Small businesses galore. A great farmer's market. A Mom and Pop meat market with great takeout food [Tucker Meat Market]. They do fireworks downtown every July 4th. They decorate main street at Christmas. I am on the community Facebook group frequently [Tucker Town Talk] because I can find out who to call to fix my fridge, or replace my spark plugs, or babysit my dog, very quickly.

I plan to stay in this area, where I feel part of a vibrant small town community. I am hunting for a new place, and packing up my stuff.

 

I will take with me a million memories. They don't stay with the house. They are carried with me always, in my heart...

The Changing World

About 10 or 15 years ago I was working for a young attorney and he had me writing blogs for him. It was interesting. I had to do a lot of research to find what I thought were interesting topics to write about. In the course of researching those blogs I came across an online publication that basically was a roundup of stories from around the country. 

The reason I am mentioning this is because a lot of the stories were about police mistreating people of color.

I remember finding those stories and reading them all, at first. Then I got to where I skipped over them because I was not writing about criminal law, my area was civil law. The stories were inevitably about people who were arrested who shouldn't have been arrested, or they were arrested and beaten up for seeming to resist the police. The stories were everywhere, from every corner of America. There were So.Many.Stories.

I'd say 95% of those stories were under-reported.

You see, the police used to be able to pretty much do what they wanted without fear of scrutiny by anyone. That is changing. Not fast enough, but it IS changing.

One of the rare bonuses to so many of us walking around with smartphones that can be used to take quick videos is that there are few corners of the world not subject to being filmed. Police officers know this.

The Floyd case has shocked and horrified me to the point where it's almost unbearable to see the video of it. The officer who had his knee on Mr. Floyd's neck has now been arrested -- story.

If not for the videos made of what happened I guarantee you this story would not have made national news. As long as there have been police officers there have been officers who abused their power and mistreated people. I'm not defending that. It's reprehensible. However, we now live in a world where accountability is more likely.

I've never been arrested.

However, I had a scary encounter once with a police officer years ago. I was in graduate school and I had broken up with a boyfriend and was very upset. I was crying, loudly, for a while. My neighbors called the campus police and reported me for crying too loud, saying I was screaming. When the police officer knocked on my door I was shocked, utterly bewildered. He said my neighbors thought I was being abused or beaten. The sight of the officer calmed me down immediately. I was also frightened and confused. Instead of coming over to see what was wrong, my neighbors called the police. It wasn't a police matter. I had done nothing wrong. The officer wasn't very nice, and he didn't act like he cared. He just wanted me to be quiet.

I grew up in a family where, when I was crying, someone always came and comforted me. Always. Even as a baby, my parents never made me "cry it out." Being grown up and living alone meant there was no source of comfort and I'm sure that contributed to my sadness and crying spell.

After the officer left I just sat and shook for a few minutes.

After that, I could better imagine how someone of color feels when they are wrongly accused of something. Multiply my feelings a million times, of course. What I went through was nothing, in comparison. But it gave me a very tiny taste of what a really unpleasant account with a police officer can be like.

 

We had protests here in Atlanta yesterday. In a story reported yesterday our mayor [who is black] admonished the protestors.

Mayor Keisha Lance Bottoms' voice rose in a televised press conference, with a stern message for violent protesters: "You are disgracing our city; you are disgracing the life of George Floyd ... We are better than this."

She is right, and she is wrong.

I have a friend who is the mother of a black son. She is white. She has to live in a daily fear most white people will never understand: fear of her son being arrested just for being black but actually doing nothing wrong. I have another white friend whose adopted sons are Asians and her family has faced overt, ugly racism many times -- oh, and they live in Colorado, not the south. She also worries about her sons.

We may not see a perfectly racially harmonious world in my lifetime. I am resigned to that. Maybe in my son's lifetime, though.

My son has faced discrimination. I understand a little of what mothers of black sons face.

He has some Kazakh ancestry. When I went to Kazakhstan in 2007 to adopt my son the orphanage workers kept saying "He is classified Russian!" I was told that repeatedly. I didn't understand why it mattered until a while later when it was explained to me that to be classified as native Kazakh meant discrimination, and mixed-race kids fared worst of all in a segregated society. That, despite the fact the president of Kazakhstan was Kazakh, not Russian.

Had he stayed in Kazakhstan my son would have faced three kinds of discrimination: for being an orphan, for being handicapped, and for being mixed race. His chances of ever having a good job were practically nil, at that time. [Things may have changed. I hope so.]

Race should have no bearing on how anyone is treated, in any walk of life, anywhere, any time. But the world is how it is, despite that, and we must work to change it. If protests change it, good. There is malicious anger and there is righteous anger and we need to remember that.

I am praying that the Floyd cases and Arbury cases will remind us, sadly, to continue to actively pray for a better world and to insist on a better world, for our children and all the generations to come.

We have come a long way, and we have a long way to go.

Condemning all police officers isn't the answer.

Condemning the protestors isn't the answer.

We have to find ways to move forward without blanket condemnation of any group. We have to keep the conversation going. We have to keep filming injustices. We have to keep working for change.

 

 

The Case for Corona Civility

I walk my dog almost every day around my quiet suburban neighborhood and sometimes I see things that make me wonder what the hell is wrong with people.

I saw a masked lady walk up to one of my neighbors the other day and proceed to lecture him about wearing a mask, I think. I could not hear what she was saying, but from the expression on my neighbor's face he clearly was not happy about her words. Now, he was in his own yard, playing with his own children, and there was nobody else within 20 feet of them. Should he have been wearing a mask? In my opinion, no. There were no seniors or ill people anywhere nearby. I happen to know this neighbor has been a model citizen at staying home and social distancing and keeping his family home. Yet the masked lady felt like she should lecture him.

What on earth is wrong with people these days?!

There is huge controversy now between the "stay at home no matter what" folks and the "let's get back to normal life" folks. There are protests in the streets. People not wearing masks are lectured or yelled at in public. People refusing to un-quarantine are being accused of ruining our economy.

What everyone seems to lose sight of is this: we live in America.

We have the right to social distance or not. We have the right to stay home or not.

Unless or until martial law is declared, how are you going to force people to comply?

Now, in New York city or Boston or Chicago -- all places where the people are densely packed in together -- I think it's very important for people to wear masks and gloves and stay off public transit and really take quarantines seriously. Those places have a ton of Corona-virus cases happening and many people are dying.

Here in my home state of Georgia, just over a thousand people have died from Covid-19. According to the Atlanta Journal:

"Nearly 5,390 COVID-19 patients have been hospitalized in Georgia so far and at least 1,249 of those people were admitted into a hospital’s intensive care unit. 1,174 people have died."

There are 3,990,702 people living here according to Google. So, almost 4 million people. So only a tiny percentage of people living here have died from Covid-19. I don't know anyone who has had the disease or who has died.

I do know that many of the folks who have died were senior citizens. According to the AP, people over 80 have 5 times the death rate from Covid-19 than younger folks.

I live with my mother who is 86, so I am hyper-vigilant about who gets near her, washing hands, etc. She has not left the house since she came home from rehab about 3 weeks ago. There were 3 cases of Covid-19 at her rehab, though, so I feel like she is actually safer here at home, only coming in contact with me -- a third generation germaphobe who obsessively washes hands.

So far, she is fine. [knock wood]

Our governor has gotten severely criticized for letting restaurants and other businesses open back up. We are slowly transitioning back to normal. I was in a favorite restaurant last week picking up a takeout order.  Everyone wore masks and gloves. There was heavy plastic sheeting dividing customers from people doing food orders. This place does mostly takeout orders on a normal day, so I wasn't surprised to not see anyone eating in. I left with a prayer that they would be able to remain open, though. They are a small place, independently owned and operated, and the food is excellent. I do not fear the food from there. We aren't sick. 

I feel like non-Georgians who are criticizing us should keep quiet, though.

An article in The Atlantic about our state's efforts to get back to normal [Georgia's Experiment in Human Sacrifice] ticked me off in the first paragraph but then somewhat redeemed itself in the rest of the story. Among a lot of other things, it notes:

"Public-health officials broadly agree that reopening businesses—especially those that require close physical contact—in places where the virus has already spread will kill people. Even so, many other states are quietly considering similar moves to Georgia’s."  Amanda Mull, unless you have a crystal ball or you're a bona fide psychic, you have no idea what you're talking about. [She wrote the article.]

Governor Kemp isn't saying businesses HAVE to reopen. He's giving them the option of reopening.

Let's take a step back here, for a moment.

Let's reflect on how random rules are, because the government is a vast entity and nobody knows how it works. Who decided that law firms and liquor stores are "essential"? I am glad I work for a law firm and can continue working, but why are we "essential"? We don't do criminal law. I can see why criminal lawyers would still be needed. And why would liquor stores be exempt? [Politicians need access to lawyers and that access might make them drink, is my guess.]

My point is simply this: everyone should be free to choose to do what they feel is best to keep their family and/or their businesses safe. Period.

If I am not wearing a mask, stay the heck away from me if you like, but don't lecture me.

If you want to stay home, STAY. Don't criticize me for leaving, though.

I know some will disagree with me. If I had seen dead bodies stacked up in wagons along my street, like what was seen during the plagues hundreds of years ago, I wouldn't have written this blog. But this is 2020.

America is about FREEDOM. Choose to go out. Choose to stay home. Choose to not re-elect Kemp if you don't like how he governs.

It's all about choice.

I hope we will ALL choose to be polite and kind to one another, even if we disagree, though.

Two Movies I Want to See With Actors My Age

I was thinking a few years ago that there are not that many movies out there that star people in my age range -- 45-65. Most movies have main characters that are twenty-somethings or thirty-somethings. I enjoy movies like Jumanji but I'd really like to see movies sometimes with people my age.

I just watched a trailer for a movie called Ordinary Love, starring Liam Neeson and I'm sure it's an excellent movie. But why do movies about older people so often have to involve cancer and/or dying??

There's a weird gap in Hollywood. Clint Eastwood makes some excellent movies for people in my mom's age group [70-110]. He's not the only active seniorworking. Helen Mirren always stars in movies about women 60-95]. Diane Keaton still has a thriving career and some of her movies are favorites of mine, like Something's Gotta Give.

So why doesn't Hollywood make movies for people younger than Clint but older than Ryan Reynolds? Why is there such a weird gap?

There are so many actors in my age range that don't work enough and they should. Could it be because there aren't enough good scripts out there about people 45-65?

I saw a movie a few years ago called A Walk in the Woods, about a man who decides to walk the Appalachian Trail. Excellent and intriguing story. The main character should have been in his late 60's, early 70's. Instead it stars Robert Redford, looking far too ancient for the character he played. Casting Emma Thompson [just a few years older than me] as his wife was just bizarro. She was totally wasted in a nothing role, too, which annoyed me. Nick Nolte was wonderful, as always. Redford was just miscast.

I get so frustrated seeing excellent actors miscast.

Years ago I went through a period where I wrote screenplays. I think the stories were good but the screenplays themselves... not so much. I think they read more like books. So now I just write books.

Somebody else can write the screenplays -- with me as co-writer, preferably.

Anywho... I wanted to explain how adaptable my books are, and how they would be awesome movies or miniseries.

above, Broad Street in Augusta, about 1946

Ghosts in the Garden City

My first novel, Ghosts in the Garden City, would make a terrific series on Amazon or Netflix or HBO. Although the book is set in the south, the themes are universal -- searching for identity, mother daughter conflict, family drama, racial tensions.  It spans generations of the same family. The characters are not stereotypical. They're complex and driven.

Filming would take place in Augusta Georgia [my original hometown] and Atlanta Georgia [my home, where many movies are now filmed!]. Although it's set in 1996 I do not think it would be too expensive to make.

The main character, Leigh, is in her early 30's. Her boyfriend is mid 30's. Two other main characters, though, are her mother Peggy and her boyfriend. Other strong characters in my age range abound. [I don't want to say too much and give the plot away.] There are two strong older male characters, Bain [late 40's] and Edmund [early 70's]. There are several great roles for older African American actresses, too. 

I could definitely see Jennifer Anniston playing Peggy and Vanessa Hudgens playing Leigh. Kit Harrington would be great as Jack, Leigh's boyfriend. Michael Douglas would be wonderful as Edmund. I have given this a lot of thought -- while sitting in traffic, waiting in line at the bank, washing dishes, etc.

Here's my dream cast:

Leigh…………………………….Vanessa Hudgens

Jack……………………………….Kit Harrington

Edmund………………………..Michael Douglas

Peggy……………………………Jennifer Anniston

Bain……………………………..Josh Brolin

Travis……………………………Scott Eastwood

Rose……………………………..Halle Berry

Liz…………………………………Taraji P. Henson

Eugenia Hill………………….Melissa McCarthy

Mathilda……………………..Jessica Lange

Miss Maudie……………….Sissy Spacek

Could I write the miniseries on my own? Nope. I would love to see an experienced writer take a crack at it, however.

I would love for the director to be someone from the south, because it's a very southern story. I have loved many of the movies written and directed by Tyler Perry and I could see Tyler Perry doing a terrific job directing Ghosts in the Garden City. [Tyler, call me, mmkay?! Love ya. Seriously.]

I have never really understood the whole hashtag thing but I am going to throw in a few, just for fun.

#jenniferannistonrole, #tylerperrymovie, #halleberryrole, #tarajip.hensonrole, #melissamccarthyrole, #augustageorgiamovie, #moviesaboutthesouth

above, Blue Ridge mountains photo credit: Ray Cartee

Leaf Season

My second novel, Leaf Season explores a lot of ideas and themes that are interesting to me, [unrequited love, parenting, spirituality, psychic energy, trauma and its aftereffects], and it's basically a love story with other elements, too [history, friendship, grief]. The main character, Wyatt Jamison, wants to get out of the Atlanta rat race and retire, and take life easier. When he inherits an antebellum home in the North Georgia mountains he looks forward to that, but life throws him a number of curveballs.

Next door to the old home, Sally Cavanaugh has established a comfortable life as a small town librarian and historian, but she longs for a Big Love, which she's never experienced. Wyatt is the personification of her longings, but he isn't really available to her, for a lot of reasons.

The house itself is like a main character because it has been around since before the Civil War, and everyone in town knows there are secrets there. Wyatt's uncle Hugh built a high brick wall around the back yard and rarely spoke to anyone in town, fanning the flames of gossip about the house.

There are many great roles for 45-60 year old actors and actresses in Leaf Season. Wyatt's best friend John, and Sally's best friend Marybeth, are key characters. Wyatt's uncle is 70ish, and a key figure. Town gossip Roberta is in her early 70's - I could see Kathy Bates rocking that role.

So here's my dream cast for Leaf Season:

Wyatt.................................. Brad Pitt or Russell Crowe

Sally.................................... Vera Farmiga or Julia Roberts

Hugh Jamison.........................Christof Waltz

Sharon.................................Sarah Paulson

John................................... Nick Searcy

Andrea.................................Saoirse Ronan

Roberta................................Kathy Bates

Catherine.............................Dianne Weist

I haven't given a lot of thought to who would be a great director but my old friend Jeff Joslin has done some directing and he would be awesome, and he is from East Tennessee.

I would like to co-write the screenplay, of course.

#bradpittrole, #juliarobertsrole, #georgeclooneyrole, #russellcrowerole,#saoirseronanrole, #nicksearcyrole, #jeffjoslindirector, #oscarcontender

What the heck, let's go hashtag crazy! If there are any hashtags I left out, drop me a comment!

#moviessetingeorgia, #moviesaboutthesouth, #greatrolesforolderactresses, #southernmovies, #moviesfilmedingeorgia

 

Atlanta, Georgia, Best Place to Live on Planet Earth

There is a Facebook group called Georgia Followers -- Everything Georgia and someone posted this a few days ago:

"Georgia is too hot during the winter and way too hot during the summer."

Of course, a firestorm of debate was ignited.

One wag speculated that perhaps that inflammatory statement was posted by a Yankee. I wouldn't be surprised.

I immediately took issue with the post -- since I have lived in Georgia most of my life -- and I posted this: "I will never live anywhere else. We have mild weather 8-9 months a year. I never have to shovel snow, evacuate due to hurricanes, or flee mudslides or earthquakes. Atlanta Georgia is awesome!"

Much to my surprise, some people took issue with that. I assumed [perhaps incorrectly] that people belonging to that group would be people living in Georgia by choice. Apparently, I am wrong. There are captives here, itching to get back up north where they can pay twice as much for a decent house, shovel snow out of their driveways so they can go to work, and encounter hostility from store clerks.

One person said what about tornadoes and hurricanes?

Hurricanes sweep up the coast and the most weather we've ever gotten here in Atlanta is rain. Sometimes we get heavy rain -- like, once a year, perhaps.

Unlike California, we never have mudslides. We also don't worry about earthquakes [once in a while we get a little earthquake but it does little or no damage]. We don't have to worry about forest fires consuming our houses. We also don't have to pay half a million dollars for a 1,500 square foot house where we then have to commute 2 hours to work. We also don't pay more for gas, or put up with a boatload of state taxes. My best friend lived in California a couple of years [her husband was in the military] and was horrified by the cost of living out there. They moved as soon as they could.

Tornadoes happen here in Georgia, yes. Rarely. Usually they aim for rural areas where it's easy to find mobile homes to toss around. I've lived in Augusta, Athens, and Atlanta, but tornadoes were never an issue in any of those places. Personally, tornadoes have never caused damage to my house or cars. Mostly just high winds and maybe some limbs down in the yard. No big deal.

left, a painting called Snow in Atlanta

About once every 5 years we get some snow here in Atlanta, and we have a logical, wise response. We shut down the entire city -- after raiding all the grocery stores for bread, milk, and toilet paper. We are not equipped for snow because it happens so rarely. So we hunker down at home in our jammies and watch TV and make French Toast.

Some years ago a cousin came to visit me and it was winter and we had a Snow Event. This cousin grew up in Virginia, where snows happen every winter and nobody gets excited. I introduced him to the joys of watching TV and eating French Toast. He was amused at the local Storm Coverage on every local TV channel. He couldn't believe that camera crews immediately jumped into action and sped north, where snow was actually sticking to the ground, to watch rednecks do wheelies. You see, snow in Atlanta rarely ever sticks to the roads. For that excitement you have to head north, to the North Georgia mountains, where the rednecks live to say "Hold mah beer Darlin' I'm fixing to get famous!" as soon as they see a WSB truck.

I had to patiently explain to my cousin that I would not leave the apartment because others drive badly in snow, not me. I have no problem driving in snow, but it's other drivers I fear.

Is it hot here in summer? Yes. Duh. [Of course, we don't think it's "hot" unless it's over 90...] We are accustomed to it, though, and take sensible precautions. If the high will be over 90 I don't leave the house between noon and 7 p.m. if possible. (Working from home helps.) For yard work or dog walking, I get up early and try to be done before 10 a.m.

I would never live in Georgia in a house without air conditioning. That would be like living in an un-heated house in Maine in winter. Simply foolish.

Just FYI, it's December 30 and I walked the dog this morning without even needing a sweater. High today will be around 65. That's not typical, but wearing shorts on Christmas day or New Year's Day is not uncommon.

I've never had to shovel snow so I could go to work. If it's snowing or there's more than a dusting of snow on the ground I stay home, like everyone else.

When people move here from other places they always complain about the heat. They also do things like keep the air conditioner on 80 all summer, wear pantyhose, and go running in the middle of the day. Learn to acclimate, y'all.

I also want to point out that I don't like big cities. I technically live in the Atlanta suburbs but I am next door to Tucker, Georgia, a small town. I shop, work, and dine in Tucker, 95% of the time. If I want to see a Braves game or see a touring Broadway show at the fabulous Fox Theater I can be at those venues within 30 minutes.

Yes, Atlanta has the busiest airport in the world but we also have MARTA. I never drive to the airport. I hop on the train and avoid traffic and parking nightmares quite easily.

If I want to go to the beach, I can be at Hilton Head Island in 4-5 hours.

If I want to go to the mountains I head north on I-85 and I'm there in less than an hour.

above, a street in my neighborhood, early morning

Here are a few fun facts that you may not know about Atlanta:

• We have great diversity here. Large immigrant communities and places where you can live and work for years and speak only Spanish or Chinese.
• Most people are friendly and have good manners.
• Atlanta is the ninth-largest metropolitan area in the U.S., with almost 5.8 million residents and no signs of slowing down according to the Atlanta Journal-Constitution.
• We rank 10th in the nation economically with a GDP of $276 billion.
• Lots of movies are filmed in Atlanta because we offer great tax incentives.
• Atlanta magazine wrote a lengthy article about where all the celebrities lives when they are in town filming.

If you prefer a cooler place, feel free to avoid Atlanta. We don't need more traffic. Don't let the screen door hit you on the way out...

Tucker Georgia, My Hometown

I never write about legal topics here on my blog because I am not a lawyer and I wouldn't want anyone to accuse me of trying to give out legal advice. I have a lot of paralegal experience and I know how to work a litigation case, but I never went to law school, never wanted to be a lawyer, and would never advise anyone on a legal matter, except perhaps to say "Here's the name of a good lawyer I know. Call him/her."

Having said that, I wanted to say a couple of things about businesses and safety, and about my adopted hometown, Tucker, Georgia.

A couple of years ago, an old office complex 3 minutes from my house was demolished and a new shopping center was built. It now contains well-known and popular stores, including a Sprouts, which is a discount farmer's market type place. I like Sprouts, for vegetables and hard-to-find items like gluten-free stuff, organic produce, and nuts. We don't have any other stores like it close by. The nearest Whole Foods or Trader Joe's, for example, are 20 (or more) minutes away. 

Last week, in the middle of a sunny afternoon, a lady was mugged right in front of Sprouts. The mugger got not only her wallet and purse, but her car. A friend of hers posted about this on the Tucker Facebook group, and it ignited a firestorm of comments. A lot of folks agreed with me that Sprouts and the other business owners should have cameras mounted all over that parking lot, at minimum, and patrolling security guards, to be really vigilant. Others felt like businesses should not be penalized for things like muggings in the parking lot.

So here's the debate.

I posted about the fact that business owners should make sure that anyone who comes on their premises is safe. People need to feel safe and not be mugged, obviously. However, businesses have a vested interest in making sure people feel safe, because if their parking lots are the daily sites of muggings, people will not want to visit their businesses. Indeed, some commenters on the Facebook post said they would avoid that shopping center now.

However, in defense of Sprouts and the other stores I want to say a couple of things. Shoppers -- or anyone who comes on the businesses property -- need to have situational awareness, and take steps to secure their own safety -- which is just common sense.

Wikipedia defines it:

Situational awareness or situation awareness (SA) is the perception of environmental elements and events with respect to time or space, the comprehension of their meaning, and the projection of their future status.

Situation awareness has been recognized as a critical, yet often elusive, foundation for successful decision-making across a broad range of situations, including aviation, air traffic control, ship navigation,^[1] health care,^[2] emergency response, military command and control operations,^[3] and offshore oil and nuclear power plant management.^[4] Lacking or inadequate situation awareness has been identified as one of the primary factors in accidents attributed to human error.^[5]

The formal definition of SA is broken down into three segments: perception of the elements in the environment, comprehension of the situation, and projection of future status.

My brother has worked in the security field for years and before that was in the military. We have discussed situational awareness many times. If I walk out of a store holding bags of merchandise in one hand and I'm talking on my cell phone which is held in the other hand, vaguely glancing around for my car, paying no attention to the parking lot, thinking about my conversation, am I safe? No. I am distracted. Muggers love to see that. They can walk right up to me, show me a gun, and I am helpless. 

Let's take another example. I walk out of the store holding bags. I pause at the store's entrance, look all around the parking lot for anyone who seems to be just loitering, and I walk to my car with my keys in my hand, ready to unlock the car remotely, put the bags in, and go. I will not be as attractive to a mugger, in that situation.

I am not saying the lady who was mugged at Sprouts had no situational awareness or was careless in any way. I don't know anything about that. I just know situational awareness is important and can sometimes help one avoid being a crime victim.

Women get robbed at gas stations all the time because they have their purses on the passenger's side seat, doors unlocked, and they are looking at the gas pump reading as they pump their gas. It's easy for a car to pull up beside them and a thief can open the passenger side door, grab the purse, and be gone -- before the woman pumping gas even knows they were there.

So here are three true statements:

Businesses should strive to be safe places for their customers.

Customers should have situational awareness and take commonsense precautions for their own safety.

The mugging last week happened less than 5 minutes from a police headquarters building. Anything can happen anywhere.

 

When I was a young paralegal I started learning about premises liability, and I worked a lot of those cases over the years. I was usually working for lawyers on the side of the business owners who were getting sued by "invitees" (shoppers/customers) who were injured in some way after visiting the business. Lots of those cases were "slip and falls" -- for instance a lady walks into a store and trips and falls because of water on the floor, and hurts her back very badly. Was it the fault of the store owner that there was a wet spot on the floor? Or was it the fault of the lady, who was wearing high heels and paying no attention to where she was going? Those questions can really only be decided by a jury, but in many cases, business owners settle those cases for thousands of dollars to avoid protracted litigation and attorney costs. 

Tucker is simply as good and as bad as any other place. I will not let a mugging stop me from shopping at Sprouts.

I love living where I live. I love the fact that although I live in Atlanta, which is a huge city -- 11 million in the metro area, or something like that -- I consider myself a small town resident. I love Tucker. It's where I shop, eat out, hang out with friends, etc. Our little town is blossoming. New businesses are moving in all the time. We have a vibrant downtown area.

Lots of movies and TV shows film around here. Clint Eastwood's new movie The Mule was filmed, some of it, right down the street from my house. I saw the trucks. The new Hugh Jackman movie The Frontrunner was also filmed in Tucker. Tons of movies are filmed in Georgia now, as you can see here. We have mountains, urban areas, small towns, a beach, etc.

I have lived in Tucker since 1993 and I don't plan on ever moving. It's not as big and busy as Decatur or Marietta, but Tucker offers a lot of small town charm, with great access to the city. You can hop in the car and be at a Braves game, visit the Georgia Aquarium or see a show at the Fox Theater in less than 30 minutes. 

 

In conclusion, I want to offer a couple of thoughts. Businesses should take steps to make sure folks are safe in their businesses, including the parking lots. However, it's important for everyone to be aware of their surroundings and for women, especially, to be careful. Women alone are considered easy targets by muggers.

Tucker is as good as as bad as any small town. We have crime, but we also offer small town charm and most people who live here love it. Muggings in parking lots shouldn't deter anyone from living here.

I found a cool video which gives you a small taste of what Tucker is like. Check it out here. 

Main Street

 

Taking Issue With To Kill A Mockingbird

Last October, folks voted Harper Lee's To Kill A Mockingbird as America's Best Loved Novel on the final show of PBS' The Great American Read. It is the all-time favorite book of many folks, famous and not so famous.

Demi Moore named her daughter Scout, after one of the main characters. [Hey, at least she wasn't named "Apple" or "Idaho" or "Valdosta." Celebrity child names always amuse me.]

To Kill A Mockingbird  is a novel set in the south, and the broad theme is tolerance. This NEA page gives a great summary and analysis of it. The main character, Scout, is 13 years old and living in a small southern town. Her mentally unstable neighbor Boo Radley is a main character, as is her father, a lawyer appointed to defend a black man falsely accused of rape.

I remember reading To Kill A Mockingbird when I was in high school, and disliking it immensely. My feelings were not popular. The book was revered by the late 1970's. My teacher was mightily annoyed with me for not worshiping the book.

I should state here for the record that although I love books and I have been an avid reader all my life, I do not think ANY book [not even the bible] should be worshiped. My view is that a book is only as good as the person who wrote it, and we are all flawed human beings. Books are flawed, as is any creative work by a human being. 

I recently started reading a book written by an acquaintance and I realized, much to my horror, that the book is riddled with examples of the author's disdain for and intolerance of southerners. That rankles. I could never look at the author the same way again. (Most authors do not realize how much they reveal themselves when they write a novel.)

I think Americans love To Kill A Mockingbird and revere it because it's about a good man, Atticus Finch, trying to correct the terrible racism of his time and place. There's nothing wrong with that. It's noble. It's praiseworthy. [Just FYI, I can never hear the words "Atticus Finch" without seeing the handsome and endearing Gregory Peck, my mother's favorite actor. We watched the movie when I was in high school.] 

The book was published in 1960, when America was on the cusp of social upheaval, and attitudes and prejudices were slowly being replaced with tolerance. Harper Lee's father was a small-town lawyer who had defended black clients and Lee had spent her childhood watching him argue cases. All authors tend to write what they know, and Lee knew the world she wrote about. 

I think what bothers me about To Kill A Mockingbird is the notion that most people in small southern towns are racist, and therefore the entire south is a racist, nightmarish place. That was probably true long ago. I won't argue differently. The south that I have lived in all of my life is not that nightmarish, racist place, however. [I wrote about it a bit in Memories of Segregation in The Bitter Southerner.]

The south I know and love is filled with good people. I have known far more Atticus Finch type people in my life than the book would indicate exist. A few examples:

    My grandfather Thompson ran a small country store in the 1930's and extended credit to black families, same as white families.

    My father championed the first black bank manager at his bank in the 1970's. The man told me years later he owed his career to Dad. Dad also hired and promoted a black lady in his department, at a time when the bank where he worked was 99% white.

    My parents left the Democratic party in the late 1950's, angering their parents, because they felt only the Republican party was in touch with the future and was tolerant and fair. At that time, most southern Democrats were very racist and definitely not in favor of desegregation.

    We had a black maid named Daisy when I was small. Mom made it clear we would call her MISS Daisy and treat her with respect and kindness, and Mom led by example.

    When I was growing up, to utter the "N word" in my house was a spanking offense.

    My brother had a girl friend in high school who was black. At a family reunion, when an elderly relative (who was quite racist) asked if he had a girlfriend, Brother pulled out the school photo of his friend and showed it to her, just to see the look on her face.

 

I have dear friends and relative who are black, Hispanic, Asian, gay -- and guess what? I live in a small southern town [Tucker, Georgia] and I am not a racist nor a homophobe. My parents were not racist or homophobic.

I champion diversity. I am happy my children are color-blind. 

Prejudices persist, though. Not long ago an attorney I worked with was told before she moved to Atlanta that she could expect racism and possibly violence because her mother was Mexican. The man who told her that had never even been to Georgia -- he was a Californian. He made her fearful of living here. She moved here about 2007 and has never encountered ANY racism towards herself or her family. None.

I am not going to argue that the south is a perfect Utopia of racial harmony. Of course not. It's a very flawed place, just like any other area of America. We are not the hideously racist and intolerant place depicted in To Kill A Mockingbird, however. Much has changed since that book was published.  

Did you know much of the movie Black Panther was filmed in Georgia? 

Many television shows and movies are filmed in Georgia these days -- see here. There are state of the art film production studios here, and Tyler Perry is a dynamic force in Georgia.

So we are not perfect, but we are not Mockingbird land either. I am proud of my state, and proud to be a southerner. That will never change.

 

 

Keeping Cool in Extreme Heat

I used to have a friend who said hotter than dammit. My own personal favorite is "hotter than chicken fried hell." My son complained about the heat in the car yesterday. I just said "It's almost July and we live in Atlanta. DUH."

I have little patience for people living in the south who complain about the heat. People who just moved here get something of a pass, though. It takes time to readjust your thinking. Summer should be thought of in terms of heat avoidance strategies.

If I lived in New York State or Maine and it was over 90 I would probably complain. LOUDLY. 

I saw on the news the other night that this weekend it's REALLY hot across the northern part of this country. ABC News reported this story: Temperatures near 100 degrees across northeast as heatwave blazes on -- and even I, lifelong southerner, thought DANG. Over 100 is hot, y'all. Those temps are expected to continue through July 4th, too.

People always say to me "Why would I want to live in Atlanta? It's too hot down there!"

I just looked at our temperatures for the next few days. Highs between 88 and 90, with a 40-60% chance of rain. That will be cooler than Vermont, y'all. 

Here in Hot-Lanta we have nice weather about 9 months of the year and it's hot 3 months of the year. It rarely snows. 

I digressed. Back to my point.

Since I have lived here all my life, I understand how to keep cool when it's super hot outside. I go into Heat Avoidance Mode [HAM] when the temperatures are expected to head over 90.

I think in the north, where a "hot" summer day is 82 degrees, for example, there's the mindset that in the summer you get outside and do activities all day. You might go biking at 2 p.m. You might play soccer at 4 p.m. Here in the South, we don't do that. Whatever outdoor activities we do, we do when it's not the hottest part of the day. 

When I am driving somewhere on a hot summer day and I see someone running down the road when it's 90 degrees I just want to stop my car and slap the fool out of that person and go DO YOU WANT TO GO TO THE ER?!? You don't RUN when it's 95 degrees and the humidity is 80%. DANG.

My father used to routinely ignore weather warnings and do things like mow the lawn when it was 90 degrees, in the blazing sun. I have seen him have heat exhaustion more times than I can count. It's scary.

 

So here are Dee's Rules for Keeping Cool:

1. Stay in an air conditioned building between 11 a.m. and 7 p.m., if possible. If you have to leave an air conditioned building, go to the pool, or lake, or beach, and get in the water a lot. 
2. Do not live or work in a building that isn't air conditioned. This is crucial. In the South most buildings have air conditioning and it gets used a lot.
3. Take bottled water [or any sort of cool drink except alcohol] everywhere. I never leave the house without a cold bottle of water in my purse. If I am going to be outside, even if it's morning or early evening, I have a bottle of water close by.
4. Dress for the weather. Don't wear wool. Don't wear pantyhose. Wear cotton and linen, fabrics that breathe. Try not to wear blazers unless it's a really formal occasion and you have no choice. Wear shorts and tank tops even if you don't have a perfect bod. Nobody cares.
5. Make sure your car air conditioner works. Do not rely on rolled down windows. 
6. Do NOT do any sports outside [except water sports] if it's over 85 degrees. You risk heat stroke, which is a real thing and can lead to death.  If you are a runner, it's particularly important not to run during the hottest part of the day, mid to late afternoon. 
7. Watch the weather report on TV, or check it online, or listen to the radio. Be aware, every day, of how hot it will get during the day, and plan accordingly.
8. Don't leave pets or children in the car. Every year, pets and children DIE when left in hot cars. 

If you follow my rules, you will have a more pleasant summer and you will probably not wind up in the ER with heat exhaustion or heat stroke.