The Crab Chronicles

Writing About The Current Crisis

I was blessed to have two parents that liked talking to me and my brother when we were kids, and who told us vivid stories about their childhoods and the years before my brother and I joined the family.

Mom and Dad made topics that were dry and boring in school [World War II, The Cold War, The Cuban Missile Crisis] far more interesting because we got to hear how their lives were impacted by those things.

Mom told me the Cuban Missile Crisis was particularly stressful for the family because I was an infant and on formula, and they were scared to leave town because they didn't know if they could get formula for me. SO they decided to just stay put and take their chances. [During the Cuban Missile Crisis, leaders of the U.S. and the Soviet Union engaged in a tense, 13-day political and military standoff in October 1962 over the installation of nuclear-armed Soviet missiles on Cuba, just 90 miles from U.S. shores.]

Dad watched his two older brothers go off to war during World War II and then recalled his joy when his brothers came home alive. Lewis came home and showed the family how to grill steaks outside, which none of them had ever done -- putting an old metal shelf from the fridge over a hole in the ground filled with charcoal, a crude grill. Lewis had been on an island in the Pacific for months, watching for Japanese soldiers and airmen to invade, a nerve-wracking experience he never really talked about afterwards. [Lewis' photo is on the right]

Dad also told us when America got into the war his father, who had been in World War I, told Dad and his friends to dig a trench so they could play trench warfare. Grandaddy marked off the exact place to dig the trench and encouraged the digging. A few months later a new septic tank was placed in the "trench" -- and he didn't have to pay somebody to dig it. [Grandaddy was nobody's fool...]

Mom told me just recently that as soon as the polio crisis got really bad, her parents both worked one day, all day long, emptying out the kitchen cabinets and scrubbing every surface with a mixture of Clorox and water, and wiping down all the foodstuff in the house. They were already major germaphobes, both of them, but when polio was rampant in America they got really serious. Which is GOOD -- nobody in the family got polio.

 

As I mentioned in my prior blog, we are living in a fascinating [and yes, scary] time in history. Imagine if someone who had lived through the Great Fire of London or the Black Plague or the Revolutionary War had written a clear and personal account of how their daily life was affected by that? I would LOVE to read such an account.

Historians concentrate on facts -- dates, places, battles, etc. -- dry and boring, usually. Real people writing real accounts of daily life? Fascinating.

I think my love of history comes from my parents' willingness to make it come alive for us.

 

I was thinking today, what will future generations find interesting about living through the Coronavirus Pandemic of 2020?

While most of us have some extra time on our hands I want to urge you, readers, to write up an account of what it's like to live through this pandemic. Maybe you don't have grandchildren yet but someday you might -- or not -- but maybe you will have great nieces and nephews. I know most of you aren't professional writers, so I thought it might be helpful if I posted what are called Writing Prompts. You can use these as inspiration to write up your own account. Then save it printed out or on a thumb drive, for future generations.

If you really don't like to write but you are tech savvy, make a video of yourself talking about the crisis, and save it somewhere.

 

above -- my Hasty grandparents in 1951

 

Writing Prompts

I first heard about the Coronavirus and my thoughts were...

I decided it was important to take steps to safeguard my family during this time so I...

There are shortages of things in my town and these are some of the hard-to-get items...

I was working up until _____ and then I started working from home on ______ and it has been.....

In the midst of all the scary news stories and sadness I have found some really positive things and they are...

Social media has actually been a blessing because I have been able to safely keep up with what friends and family members are doing, and this is my favorite post/meme...

These are the things I notice when I drive down the street in my town nowadays...

I do/do not know someone who has had the Coronavirus and here's more about that...

These are the ways my life has changed in the past few weeks....

In the future, I think life will be different because of this pandemic and here's what I think will change...

This is the saddest thing I have heard since this crisis started...

This is the funniest thing I have seen/heard...

This is my opinion of what the government has done in response to this crisis [remember local, state, and Federal]

Living in History

When I was in college I took a class and read a book in that class that changed me forever. The book? Hard Times, by Studs Terkel.

The book was basically a collection of interviews with people who had lived through the Great Depression and how they had coped. I found it so much more compelling to hear the voices of real people, recalling real events, and how they managed their lives in a terrible time.

I learned a lot from talking to my parents about events they had lived through, like the Great Depression, World War II, and the Cuban Missile Crisis.

I wish they had written down their recollections, or that I had taped or filmed them.

Right now we are living in history -- a global pandemic. People all over the world are dying. The ones of us not sick are going to great lengths not to get sick, or get our older family members sick.

Here's a tip: write down what it's like to live through this crisis. Save it somewhere. Or video yourself talking about it, if you don't like to write. We are living in history but one day, these days of quarantine will be a distant memory. Let's leave a compelling account for the generations to come.

I've never in my life had the government telling me not to leave my house. This is unprecedented.

As of 9 pm tonight my county [DeKalb County] will be under a "stay at home" order. As I understand it, that means we can go to the grocery store or to get gas or other "essential" activities, but that's it. I was a bit irritated until I was watching the news and I saw that Atlanta will be the next "hot spot" for Coronavirus. Seems oddly poetic, since we are the headquarters of the CDC.

Not all the news is bad.

All of us with kids at home are teaching our kids how to weather tough times -- something this generation needs to know. The kids are being forced to get their heads away from phones and ipads and x-boxes and really pay attention to the world. That's actually a great thing.

One of my favorite journalists, Steve Hartman, posted a wonderful video about kindness. Kids learn decency and compassion and kindness mostly from their parents.

I can't really do much to help anyone, but I have been trying hard to stay positive, and post things on social media that are funny [see below].

I've heard there is an alarming rise in suicides these days. USA Today published an article about this last week. This is difficult to hear. I have two friends who lost their sons to suicide [several years ago, not recently], and that heartbreak will never leave them. Yes, the world is very screwed up right now. Yes, it's hard to cope. No, suicide is not the answer. It solves everything for the person doing it, but creates so much pain for those left behind.

Faith helps. I have faith that God will see me and my family through this. It will not be easy, but then so much of life isn't easy. Asking for an easy life is a waste of time. Life will always be hard.

Even if you aren't a believer, think about this. Everything goes in cycles. Right now we are in a down cycle, but it won't last forever. Good times will return.

I pray every day that this pandemic will end soon. I pray that our leaders will lead wisely.

I just ordered flower seeds from Amazon. As soon as they come in I will plant them, along with some veggie seeds I have saved.

My favorite proverb: "The cure for dirt is soap and water. The cure for death is LIFE." Go out and live. Take a walk. Cook a meal. Hug your loved ones -- the ones in quarantine with you, of course.

LIVE and LOVE and know these times will pass.

 

Predictions from the Middle of the Pandemic

I keep reading predictions about what's going to happen, but I read them with a Big Grain of Salt. Like, the size of Plymouth Rock. Call me cynical. I am going to throw out a few predictions, though.

I don't know how you figure the start of the Corona Virus Pandemic but I figure it from about March 1, and now we are entering into week 4 of it. I think we will be on high alert for about 3-5 more weeks and then we will be over the worst of it and slowly life will get back to normal. I think by June 1 life will be normal again.

I base that on nothing scientific, just a gut feeling.

Laugh if you like.

The truth is, nobody really knows. This is what a quick Google search gets you, articles like When Will the Corona Virus Be Over?

Your guess is as good as mine.

[Just FYI, I tend to be very leery of "experts." I put that in quotes because I don't think anyone is truly an expert in this, even Dr. Fauci. I think he's a great guy. It's just that the virus is unpredictable.]

I have a friend who works at the CDC, has been there for more than 20 years. Here's what she said: "Maybe 4-6 weeks? My guess is that we will slowly return to work and social settings at reduced capacity."

I predict in about 9 months there will be a baby boom. That's not exactly rocket science.

I predict people will be cooking a lot more, now that going to restaurants is hazardous. I do a fair amount of cooking anyway, but now, since it's risky I want to go to restaurants. ACK. (I think I just need to get out of the house more.)

I predict the election in November will be very different because of the Corona Virus -- not sure how. I just think as a nation, we are undergoing vast changes and it's inevitable. Will that be good or bad? I don't know.

The world in crisis is nothing new. I have always been the quiet kid in the corner listening to the grownups [well, quiet sometimes] and I have heard so many stories from my elders of how they got through the Great Depression and how they managed during World War II. The worse thing my generation has dealt with was 911 and that had lasting effects but was really only impactful for a few days or a week or so [for non New Yorkers, of course].

The world is changing almost faster than the news folks can report it.

I predict we will all come out of this with an increased respect for medical professionals, and for folks who deliver products to our stores.

Have you seen all the funny memes about toilet paper? I am not worried about toilet paper or anything else being scarce. I think the shortages are caused by people panicking, not a real shortage of goods.

I truly believe that everything that happens to a person -- good or bad -- happens for a reason. We just don't always figure it out until long afterward.

Recently I was feeling like my life was in quite a deep rut, but not any more. Now every day is a little weird, since I am back to living alone, but I also am less stressed because I am not personally trying to take care of anyone else -- well, except Lola, and she's easy.

I spent much of today scanning in a bunch of old photos and I have had fun with that. I replaced my very outdated computer, so learning how to scan in photos in Windows 2010 has been interesting.

FINAL THOUGHTS...

I predict that our country will be stronger once we have dealt with this crisis, whether it lasts a few more weeks or a few more years. We are more hygiene conscious, thank God. We are [most of us] enjoying being at home, and a slower pace of life. When all the socializing and sports get canceled we get to know our family members better.

I have big control issues. Letting go of situations I really cannot control [like Elva in rehab or my son living on his own] is the only way I can stay sane.

Faith helps a lot. No matter what happens, God is always available.As long as we remember that, and remember to love our neighbors, we will be okay.

Ten Things To Do On Your Corona-cation

Are you stuck at home, wondering what on earth to do with yourself? Tired of watching the news channels, with their predictions of gloom and doom? Here are some things to do while you're on your self-quarantine, or as I like to think of it, your Corona-cation.

Keep in mind, I have been working from home for several years now, so not much has changed for me, except my mom is in a rehab facility so I am not taking care of her right at the moment -- hopefully that will change soon.

Sitting on the couch watching TV gets old after a while. Try to view this time as an opportunity to get your house and your stuff in order.

#10 Get ready for spring -- here in the Deep South we're already experiencing warm days and frosty night are over, so that's my perspective. If you're in a colder climate, you may have to wait a bit. Head to the garden store with your debit card in your pocket, wearing your garden gloves, and pick up some seeds or some tiny sprouts, and get your garden underway. If you're not into gardening outside, pick up some easy house plants to care for, like Philodendrons, or Mother In Law's Tongue.

#9 Clean out your closet. Get rid of all those clothes you've been saving for ten years.

#8 Go through your food stores and throw out the expired food. You know there's some back in there, like that jar of artichoke hearts you've had since '08.

#7 Write a letter. I bet you have elderly family members or friends who don't do email or social media. Write them a personal letter and mail it off. You will brighten their day.

#6 I bet all your photos are now on your computer, scattered in a million different folders. Go through them and take every photo you really love, and put it on a thumb drive or external hard drive. In the event of an emergency, you can grab that a lot faster and easier than bulky photo albums.

#5 Find recipes for foods you have on hand. You don't have to be a gourmet cook to follow a recipe. You can use that jar of spaghetti sauce as the base of a hearty vegetable soup, for instance.

#4 Clean out your car. You normally spend a ton of time in the car. When was the last time you went out there with the Windex and the vacuum and really gave it a thorough cleaning?!

#3 Phone a friend. I am always saying there aren't enough hours in the day. Well now there are. Phone that old college roommate you haven't spoken to in several years, or the cousin you always loved seeing at family reunions. Phone visits are a great way to stay in touch. 

#2 Foods that are easy to store, like peanut butter and hot dogs, are now hard to find in the store. Fresh meat and veggies are not hard to find, though. Sharpen up your kitchen knives and get to peeling and chopping. Here's a tip: greens like spinach or cabbage are great if you saute them for a few minutes in some olive oil, and add balsamic vinegar and garlic salt [or powder, or fresh garlic].

#1 Break out the board games and get busy. Monopoly, Clue, Battleship, Trivial Pursuit -- all great ways to pass the time, and fun!

above, my son makes cookies

 

A View from Inside the Pandemic

Two weeks ago I was aware of the Corona Virus but I was much more focused on the fact that I was sick [sinus/ear infection] and my mother was hospitalized with the flu and a UTI. Mom nearly died when her UTI turned septic and I could think of little else for a couple of dark days. Mom is in a rehab facility now and recovering, although really not happy that she can't have visitors.

I put together a "care package" for Mom this morning and drove it over to her, although all I could do was give it to the man at the door, who said it would be delivered to her. As of last Thursday the elderly residents are quarantined and no visitors are allowed. That's a smart move, since the elderly are so at risk.

I have sort of awakened from the fog of the past couple of weeks, though, and I wanted to make a few observations about the situation we find ourselves in now.

Although I doubt there are many people alive who remember it, the 1918 Flu Pandemic was far worse than this one. According to the CDC:

"The 1918 influenza pandemic was the most severe pandemic in recent history... It is estimated that about 500 million people or one-third of the world’s population became infected with this virus. The number of deaths was estimated to be at least 50 million worldwide with about 675,000 occurring in the United States."

In 1918 more soldiers died from the flu than from fighting in World War I.

I first became aware that there had been a pandemic in 1918 when I read a biography of Margaret Mitchell [author of Gone With the Wind] and it said her mother died in the 1918 flu pandemic. The "Spanish flu" as it was known then was much more of a plague. There was a shortage of doctors and nurses, many of whom were in Europe tending to soldiers.

They didn't have the medicines we have now, and they didn't have the knowledge of hygiene and germs we have now. There were no flu vaccines. There was a lot of ignorance.

We are much more fortunate today.

 

I drove through suburban Northeast Atlanta this morning, taking the "care package" to Mom; some more clothes, get well cards from friends, and her all important Love That Red lipstick. She used a nurse's phone yesterday to call me and tell me in no uncertain terms she HAD to have her lipstick.

Like any good Southern Belle, Elva has her purse and her lipstick, so she is ready for anything now.

As I drove through the mostly deserted streets today I thought back to September 11, 2001, and a similar drive from work to home, through eerily quiet and seemingly deserted residential areas of Atlanta, just before lunch. On that day, after watching in horror as planes crashed into the World Trade Center in New York, our company sent everyone home. The streets were too quiet. There were no planes overhead.

This morning there were many people out walking dogs, and/or jogging. The churches I passed were deserted, though. The normal Decatur traffic was 90% lighter than a typical weekend day. It was very close to lunchtime, and Atlantans typically like to eat out for Sunday lunch.

I think a lot of folks are staying home and voluntarily self-quarantining. That's good. We may yet avoid the nightmare Italy is facing now - an entire country on lockdown, hundreds dying every day..

America is hunkering down voluntarily. We have new cases popping up every day, but we are battling to keep the mortality rate low. I think the president was right to restrict travel to Europe. The schools are right in closing. People can unknowingly spread the virus to the community before they know they are even sick.

I don't think wearing masks in public is really the thing to do, because I have heard from a number of sources that the virus can get through the masks. No, the biggest threat is people not washing their hands enough. Your hand touches a surface that has the germ, then you touch your face, and voila, you're sick.

Is it such a terrible thing to stay home, though? I don't think so. In recent years, as Mother has become increasingly fragile and I have worked from home more and more, I have come to cherish staying home. I love my yard. I love walking Lola around my neighborhood. We see something new every day, whether it's a neighbor's new flowers blooming, or a birdhouse suddenly filled with a family, or a neighbor's lovely new roof. I never listen to music while I walk because I like to chat with folks I see.

What's wrong with Working in the yard? Playing board games? With gathering around the piano to sing? With starting spring cleaning a bit early?

I grew up with a Mom who hated to drive in bad weather, particularly in snow. So we always had 2-3 weeks worth of food in the pantry and freezer. A couple of times in Knoxville when we had snowstorms we ate out of the canned and frozen food stores, a lot. Mom was adept at making tasty casseroles and skillet dinners with non-perishable foods she kept on hand.

The shortages are mostly just consumer panic and we need to stop freaking out and buying up all the hand sanitizer and toilet paper. Buy what you need for a week or so, not for the apocalypse.

Maybe, as a country, we need to take a step back from really busy lives and focus on family life, for a change. As individuals, we need to kick it into a lower gear, and not sweat the small stuff so much.

There are many lessons to be learned from this crisis.

Most of all, let's care about each more, and spend more time loving each other. Let's pray that this pandemic will not overwhelm our country, and that everyone will use common sense to prevent things from getting worse. Watch the news, but don't let it overwhelm you.

Laugh as much as possible. Laughter is healing.

Peace be with you.

A Few Thoughts on International Women's Day and the Value of Critical Thinking

I had never heard of March 8 as being an internationally celebrated holiday until I adopted my daughter from Russia and became friends with a Russian lady who lives here in Atlanta.

"International Women's Day (March 8) is a global day celebrating the social, economic, cultural and political achievements of women. The day also marks a call to action for accelerating gender parity." [source]

I think it's great to recognize women, but on the other hand it shouldn't be necessary. Half of the humans on earth are female. We should automatically get the equal treatment we deserve without having to beg anyone for it. Unfortunately, in many countries women are still treated as second-class citizens. In Arab countries, women only recently earned the right to drive a car, get a job, and be free from guardianship by male relatives.

You may think that has nothing to do with Americans but there are religions here in the USA which also push women to be submissive to men and take a backseat in all things. Mormon women primarily still go to college to find a spouse, according to this article. Mormon women are not encouraged to work outside the home. Gender roles are very traditional. That's also true for Hasidic Jews, as I was a Hasidic Jew but I Broke Free explains.

"If you’re looking for a guide to modern life, the Bible is a challenging place to start. That’s especially true on matters of women’s rights: As a thousand-years-old text, it’s frustratingly oblique on such thorny issues as how women should dress, whether they should work outside the home, and God’s preferred balance of career and motherhood." [Mormon women are caught between economic pressures and the word of God]. 

Since the bible was written hundreds of years ago by male authors in a patriarchal society very different from today I have always been puzzled by women who think the bible is the final authority on how to behave, dress, worship, etc. I took a class in bible studies some years ago and our teacher [one of the female priests there at the church] said we have to read the bible in light of when it was written. The world today is a very different place than it was during the Council of Nicea, and even a cursory study of the controversies back then should be enough to lead a reasonable person to conclude the bible must be interpreted. It's not infallible. You have to look at it in context.

 

I count myself lucky that I grew up with a father who always told me I could do anything I wanted. I also had a mother who encouraged me to learn and explore and develop my talents as a writer, singer, actress, cook, etc. My parents were very encouraging. They also applauded when in 1978 the Episcopal Church began ordaining women to the priesthood. My dad's second-in-command at the bank where he worked was a female, and she quit to go start her own bank and is now a huge success, in Knoxville.

The world my mom was born into in 1933 was a very different place. Women had only had the right to vote since 1920. Most women didn't pursue careers. Sexism was common. Women were the butt of jokes ["take my wife, please"] and a lack of reliable birth control limited choices. The world has had to evolve so much since then, and the evolution has been a bumpy ride.

Even in my lifetime [since 1962] things have changed dramatically. I only had one friend as a child whose mother worked. My mother had been raised by a working mother. Mom hated coming home to an empty house as a child, and consciously chose to stay home and raise me and my brother, but nobody criticized her for that. Nowadays, young women can face criticism if they simply want to be a SAHM [stay at home mom]. That's not fair, either.

 

I count myself as a feminist but not a feminazi. I think women should have equal rights, but also equal responsibilities.

Birth control is much easier to come by these days, and more reliable. So why are women still needing abortions? I am going to plunge into murky waters here and say something that will [for sure] make all the people reading this angry, but I feel strongly about it. I think that any women who gets pregnant by accident has to own up to what happened and 1) tell the father and make the decisions in conjunction with him, and 2) carry to term if she is past the first trimester. I don't approve of the draconian laws saying nobody can get an abortion if there is a heartbeat. However, the opposite view, that women should be able to abort a child even into the third trimester, is even more horrifying. 

Abortion is one of those thorny topics which will continue to divide us as a nation for years to come, I am sure. I do not want Roe v. Wade overturned but I don't think it will be. I do think states will make their own laws and Federal law may not always carry the day. In the future, women may have to travel a bit to terminate a pregnancy.

I have always maintained the best way to prevent abortions is simple: give teenagers access to birth control, easily and cheaply. They are hormone-driven anyway, and to expect all teens to be celibate until marriage just isn't realistic. However, if a young woman does get pregnant and has no help, then that's just wrong. If you anti-abortion folks want to save babies, help the mamas.

As long as women are the only humans who can get pregnant and have children, life will be more complicated for us than it is for men. That's just basic biology.  I hate the fact that abortion is such a polarizing issue today, and folks on both sides are often unreasonable about it. If you cannot discuss it with civility and reason, you can never solve a problem -- any problem.

 

We live in a society that values sound bites and slogans, and ideas that make for provocative Tweets. We do not teach our children how to wade through all the mis-information out there and learn to debate ideas properly. The lack of critical thinking ability divides us along lines of gender, race, regions, sexuality, and more.  News used to be objection and informative. Now, it's entertainment-driven because people have much shorter attention spans.

Women's issues have become very polarizing. I rejoice in the Me Too movement because I have experienced sexual harassment in the workplace and it's gone unchecked for far too long. However, if innocent men are getting accused and villified, that's tragic.

Every coin has two sides.

Back to my original premise: International Women's Day. I hope one day in the near future it will disappear. I hope we won't need it. When the day comes that women are respected, valued, and given the exact same rights and privileges as men [personally and professionally] there will be no need for it. It will be like celebrating International Human Beings Day -- just not necessary.

 

On a personal Note: my mother has been in the hospital for 10 days now and is recuperating from the flu and a UTI. It's been hard sledding, as I have been sick, too. Please keep us in your prayers..

below left, my Henderson grandmother and two of her sisters, right my Butler grandmother and three of her sisters

The Future is So Bright...

I just finished reading an article in Vanity Fair that was pretty gloom and doom -- predicting the changes we will see in the next ten years "won't be pretty." Instead of a happy Jetson's type life, we will all find ourselves out of work and so then what?

I take issue with most of their predictions.

Yes, my life has changed enormously in the past twenty years. In 2000 I had no kids. I still wore pantyhose to work every day. I bought CDs of my favorite artists' music. I didn't have a computer with internet access at home. I had a cell phone but it stayed plugged into my car cigarette lighter and I only used it in emergencies. I worked out at a gym near my office and felt very yuppie-like if I drank a latte from Starbucks on the way home. If you wanted to reach me and I wasn't home you left me a message on my answering machine, and it had a little mini cassette tape in it. At work you could leave me a voicemail. I still went to movies in the theater, or rented movies from Blockbuster.

I had never even considered dating somebody I met online, although I had heard of such things.

I drank a lot of Diet Cokes.

I spent a lot of time fixing my hair.

I rarely ever cooked a meal for someone else and I had never cooked a roast, or meatloaf, or made a Christmas dinner.

So the Vanity Fair article was right about the fact that life has changed greatly in the past 20 years, and even in the past 10 years.

Ten years ago I didn't own a smartphone. I didn't even know the word "app."

The Vanity Fair article predicts that we are zooming into the future at a phenomenally fast rate. Scary fast.

Robots will soon replace humans in a lot of jobs. No kidding -- that's been going on for a while now. I don't think a Roomba, however, will holler at kids and say "Leave your muddy shoes by the door!"

Will humans be at the mercy of Siri and Alexa? Not me. I won't have either in my house. I am happy to be old-fashioned and Google stuff. On occasion I even open a book, made of paper, and look up something!

Will actors be replaced by videogame figures? Doubt it. Actors are fascinating to us. I have had mad crushes on scores of actors who had "it" - the indefinable quality that makes me want to watch them. I don't want to see a fake Brad Pitt. I want the real guy.

Will lawyers be replaced by Artificial Intelligence? I've been a paralegal a long time and I don't think so. I don't know any area of law that doesn't require at least some human interaction. I do think if they ever perfect driverless cars a lot of personal injury lawyers who advertise on buses will be out of work.I think that's the exception, though.

I told my son driverless cars will be here soon. His response was "I don't want one. I like to drive!" There is a macho fascination with driving that I really don't think will ever be replaced by robots.I think Nascar will always be alive and well.

Will a robot ever make a craft beer or a great wine? Doubtful.The human nose and palate are far better judges of beer and wine than any robot or AI.

Dining out is still a thing and I don't think food delivery services will replace that. People like to go out to eat and drink at a place where human beings wait on them. The restaurant where my son works is always busy.

I think jobs will change. A decade ago there was no Instacart. Now you can do someone's grocery shopping for them. You can be an Uber driver.You can be a Social Media consultant.

I think crime will change. There are cameras everywhere. Criminals will find it harder to go undetected.

Here's another job -- working at 23andMe or Ancestry.com and testing people's DNA. I had never heard of that ten years ago. Then of course there's a need for counselors, for people who discover they are related to folks they never knew existed before. [Interesting story about that here.]

As much as we all spend too much time on our phones, guess what? There are folks who recognize that's a problem and try to cut down on screen time, and increase human interaction time, which is far more satisfying. We [as a culture] know screens can be very destructive and for most intelligent people, the problem is being addressed.

I think instead of predicting gloom and doom, the article should have explained how professions have evolved recently and will continue to evolve. When I got my first paralegal job in 1985 I never would have dreamed I would one day work from home, on my own computer. I had never heard of a scanner. Now my job is very different than it was back then, and that's okay. In fact it's great. Instead of frantically rushing to file things at the courthouse, most every legal pleading can be filed by computer. Copies can go to other lawyers by email if the court doesn't send it automatically. Witnesses can be deposed remotely. Computers in cars can tell us what happened in an accident. Paralegals manage information on the computer much more than paper. The profession has evolved so much just during my 35 years.

My doctor walks into the room and immediately starts typing on a laptop. He can see everything about my health there without having to deal with paper. He can import records from other doctors. He can immediately tell the pharmacy to fill my prescription. It's amazing. (I still don't understand why they can't take blood pressure painlessly, though. Somebody needs to fix that, stat.)

I think we will see a boom in art. Yes, you read it right. ART. No robot or computer can create art the way a human being does it. Not only visual art but dance, writing, acting, music composition -- there are things humans will always do better than AI, in my opinion.

Older folks benefit from newer technology, too. My mom is 86 and still reads a lot, and on her Kindle the type can be increased for her, and it's not as heavy and awkward for her to hold in her arthritic, shaky hands as an old-fashioned paper book is. She has a rolling walker that lets her be mobile far easier than the cane of yesteryear.

I have always been fascinated by ideas of what the future will look like. For the 6th grade Social Studies Fair I drew a poster about the City of Tomorrow. Basically, I said we would all live in shopping malls where we could do everything indoors on the upper floors, shop and perhaps even work on the lower floors, and grow our own food on the roof. We wouldn't need cars because we could roller skate everywhere.

Skip ahead and now check out The Rise of Mixed Use Retail Properties: How Shopping Centers are Transforming Successfully:

"The failing former Town & Country shopping center in Houston, Texas, was purchased by Midway Companies in 2004 and transformed into the mixed-use CityCentre. This self-contained community is designed as a true urban live-work-play district. Situated on a 50-acre development, CityCentre is surrounded by open-air plazas and designed green spaces. It features more than 400,000 square feet of upscale retail and elegant dining; five office towers of class-A office space with main floor retail; luxury residences including apartments, brownstones and lofts; two conference centers; cinemas; programmed entertainment; a hotel; and an athletic club with spa and café. With a post office, a hospital and all the services you would need near-by, CityCentre truly is an urban live-work-play district."

These are just a few examples of how the future doesn't have to be all gloomy and scary. If I had the time I would love to write a book about this topic because it's so fascinating to me. Of course, in a few years it would be obsolete...

IN OTHER NEWS --

On January 11 [this Friday] I am giving away a copy of my book Leaf Season to someone who shares the link on their Facebook timeline. Check out my Facebook page for the link. Or if you've read that one check out my other book, Ghosts in the Garden City.

Life Skills for Teenagers

I see posts on social media fairly often about the fact that teenagers today spend a lot of time on their phones but they don't seem to understand basic life skills like how to change a tire or how to sew on a button. We need to do better, parents.

This is nothing new, however. When I started college there were plenty of freshmen girls who had no idea how to wash a load of clothes. I had been doing laundry since I was about 9 -- as soon as I was tall enough to reach into the washing machine. I had been cooking since the age of 5. My grandmother taught me basic sewing skills before I was 10.

My mother and I were talking about this yesterday. She learned a lot about housekeeping and decorating in Home Economics classes. My brother learned a lot in Shop class in high school. Those classes need to be standard curriculum in all high schools, since parents aren't really teaching basic skills any more.

I also think no teen should have to take a higher math class like calculus unless they know they are going to be a scientist or engineer, or some profession where that might be useful. Nor should a kid who isn't bound for college have to take advanced science. When I was in high school I tool Algebra I and Geometry. Never took Calculus. I took 1 year of Earth Science and a year of basic Biology. Never needed any advanced math or science in real life, either. Why do we now force kids to take advanced math and science when they aren't needed?

I wish someone had taught me basic money management. I took a class in college that was supposed to teach me that stuff but all it did was confuse me.

NOTE: If you are a wealthy person and can pay someone to cook, clean, do laundry, etc. for you, you can stop reading now. If you are raising kids who will continue to be wealthy, stop reading.

I grew up very middle class. Most everyone I know grew up middle class or working class. We aren't blessed with having unlimited funds and a slew of people to do all the work for us.

Why are we forcing all kids in high school to take Calculus, but not teaching them basic skills?!?

If I were designing a class or series of classes for teenagers here are the topics I would want to see covered:

BASIC FIRST AID -- basic wound care, when to call 911, CPR. Sometimes this is covered in Health class, sometimes not. An infected wound can cause huge problems. Does your child know about germs?

CAR MAINTENANCE -- no, you don't need to be a mechanic. When I was out of college and working I forgot to get the oil changed in my car and one day it stopped running and was going to cost a fortune to fix. Lesson learned. Everyone should know how to change a tire and jump start a car, though.

MONEY MANAGEMENT -- This is a big one. So many kids have no idea what a credit score is, or how to open a savings account, or how to live on a budget. I was talking to a friend of my son's not long ago and he was 19 and had no bank account. Shame on his parents. I offered to help him get one opened and he refused my offer. Crazy.

CAREER COUNSELING -- I know most high schools have this but I think they need to do better. Not everyone has to go to college to have a happy life. Mike Rowe Works Foundation is a terrific foundation, aimed at helping all kids get good job skills. They loan money to kids to go to "trade schools" -- "We keep lending money we don’t have to people who can’t pay it back for jobs that don’t exist. Bit by bit, our culture reaffirms the misguided belief that a career in the skilled trades shouldn’t be desired." This is a great organization. I know a lot of skilled trades cannot hire people because there aren't enough qualified candidates. It's sad.

HOME SKILLS -- How do you stop a running toilet? What do you do about mold in the bathroom? Why is it important to put mulch around flowerbeds? What emergency items should you keep on hand in case of a power outage? Can you grow a tomato? So many of these skills are not being taught nowadays. In all honesty, I learned most of them on my own.

BASIC COOKING -- I have a friend whose grown child has literally no idea how to do anything beyond heating up food in a microwave or pouring a bowl of cereal. I'm not sure if she can even make a sandwich. Her mother is equally clueless. These are intelligent folks. They are health-conscious, too. Eating real food, not highly processed food, should be the goal every day. To do that, you need to know things like how to chop up an onion, how to shop for good meat, how to tell if a melon is sweet -- and then how to peel and chop it. What type of milk is best? How do you tell if an avocado is ready to eat? If you're vegetarian, it's really vital that you educate your child about nutrition and protein, so they get everything they need from food.

BASIC SELF DEFENSE -- What do you do if you're at school or work and somebody pulls out a gun and starts shooting? What do you do if someone is trying to break into your house? How do you handle a mugger? My brother has taught us well, but most folks never think about this until they become a crime victim.

PARENTING -- Most teens will be parents at some point in life. Shouldn't they understand what it takes to be a good parent? It involves all the skills mentioned here plus a bunch more. It's not just about changing diapers and choosing the right school.

 

I think the biggest issue is now we are seeing multiple generations that don't know this stuff. Teaching kids all these things is so important. We have parents who both work full-time and they are barely getting enough sleep and they don't know if the toilet is overflowing it needs to be turned off at the wall. They don't know that baking soda will put out an electrical fire. They spend a lot of time making sure their kids look right and have nice clothes and they do their homework but they think that's most of the job. It's not. It's just the tip of the iceberg.

Not everything can be solved by Googling it. Sometimes you need hands-on instruction.

We need to do better...

 

How to Prevent Mass Shootings

The mass shootings recently have left me, like everyone else, feeling emotionally exhausted and angry, and wanting a solution to the rash of shootings that have become epidemic in recent years. Before Columbine you almost never heard of a lone gunman trying to kill people. Before Kent State it was unthinkable. Now it's an almost daily occurrence somewhere.

I have started to write this blog many times and stopped. I will undoubtedly make some folks angry -- whether you are virulently anti-gun and want to ban all guns or you are virulently pro Second Amendment and a card-carrying NRA member.

Gun violence is a complicated problem and reducing it will be a complicated process. Politicians don't like complicated. They like things that make a great sound bite, like "Universal background checks!" or "You can have my gun when you pry it out of my cold dead hands!"

If I lost someone I loved to gun violence I've no doubt my first reaction would be BAN ALL GUNS! The first and most obvious solution is to disarm someone who is crazy or just evil. We reach for the easy answer, which is

No gun = No violence [The problem is that most mass shooters acquire their weapons legally, after passing a background check, or they get a gun from a family member or buy it illegally.]

OTOH, I might want to go out and purchase a handgun and head to the range and carry a concealed weapon at all times.

Which approach would be the best?

Neither.

In Great Britain, the government has banned all guns. Mass murderers now kill people with cars or trucks or knives. Terrorists or people who are mentally ill and want to commit violence will find a way. Just a few days ago a man in California went on a stabbing spree. He must not have been able to get a gun because he was out on bail.

I think the biggest reason for mass shootings is that it's hard to get help if you are crazy. I think only crazy people commit mass shootings. [I also think terrorists are crazy.]

NOTE: Instead of taking a long time to type out "mentally ill individuals" I am just going to type "crazy people." Political Correctness be damned.

Ever notice how all the old insane asylums are closed down now? Crazy people cannot be put away easily because of the ACLU. Were those places evil? Yes, from all accounts if you weren't crazy when you went in, being there a while would make you crazy. Sometimes husbands would put their wives there just because it was easier than getting a divorce. People with conditions we would not consider dangerous (Bipolar Disorder, for example) might be confined involuntarily. Lots of abuse happened in those places. However, that model doesn't have to be continued.

Most states now have laws that state that a person must present a grave danger to himself or others before they can be involuntarily committed. That's pretty hard to prove, oftentimes.

This opinion editorial in the Los Angeles Times makes for really interesting reading. They identify 4 things most mass shooters have in common. First thing on the list? Trauma. To wit:

"First, the vast majority of mass shooters in our study experienced early childhood trauma and exposure to violence at a young age. The nature of their exposure included parental suicide, physical or sexual abuse, neglect, domestic violence, and/or severe bullying. The trauma was often a precursor to mental health concerns, including depression, anxiety, thought disorders or suicidality."

Our foster care system is broken. Kids are constantly being put back into homes where parents are unfit. Children are shuttled from home to home without mercy, and often abused or neglected. That treatment sows the seeds of depression, anxiety, suicidal ideation. What if it was much easier for families in crisis to get help? What if there was high quality early help like Head Start, like jobs programs, like paid time off for mental health treatment?

What if bullying was not tolerated? Children get bullied every day. What if we made it easy for a social worker to investigate whatever family issues [poverty, neglect, lack of mental healthcare] caused a child to be a bully?

"Second, practically every mass shooter we studied had reached an identifiable crisis point in the weeks or months leading up to the shooting. They often had become angry and despondent because of a specific grievance."

What if the mass shooter had been able to walk into a mental health clinic and say "I am having terrible thoughts. Please help me." and actually GET THE HELP, regardless of their medical insurance [or lack of it]? What if we made it easy and free, mental health treatment??

"Third, most of the shooters had studied the actions of other shooters and sought validation for their motives. People in crisis have always existed. But in the age of 24-hour rolling news and social media, there are scripts to follow that promise notoriety in death."

The news media glorifies mass shooters. CNN, MSNBC, FOX, the networks -- lots of footage of crying, grieving family members. For a mentally unbalanced person, that coverage spurred them on. What if we stopped all that media attention? Greed drives those stories, the theory "If it bleeds it leads."

"Fourth, the shooters all had the means to carry out their plans. Once someone decides life is no longer worth living and that murdering others would be a proper revenge, only means and opportunity stand in the way of another mass shooting. Is an appropriate shooting site accessible? Can the would-be shooter obtain firearms? In 80% of school shootings, perpetrators got their weapons from family members, according to our data. Workplace shooters tended to use handguns they legally owned. Other public shooters were more likely to acquire them illegally."

So the fourth reason is about obtaining a weapon. Look again at how most shooters get weapons -- a family member, legally obtained, or illegally obtained. I fully believe in gun control laws. I fully believe in background checks. However, mass shooters often have no criminal past, or if they do, they just buy a gun illegally. So gun control laws are ineffective. Banning guns wouldn't work because it's too easy to get one illegally.

The notion "Is an appropriate shooting site accessible?" means simply, is there a school, church, or shopping mall accessible? Those are all places where you rarely find armed guards. We need armed guards at ALL those places.

The authors of the op ed piece know their stuff. They have obviously studied it without bias. Jillian Peterson is a psychologist and professor of criminology and criminal justice at Hamline University. James Densley is a sociologist and professor of criminal justice at Metropolitan State University. Together, they run the Violence Project.

One of the solutions they propose is making access to mental healthcare more readily available. Also, people need to have conversations with those who are mentally in crisis.

"Most mass public shooters are suicidal, and their crises are often well known to others before the shooting occurs. The vast majority of mass shooters leak their plans ahead of time. People who see or sense something is wrong, however, may not always say something to someone owing to the absence of clear reporting protocols or fear of overreaction and unduly labeling a person as a potential threat."

What if we made it easy to report someone who looked like they might commit a mass shooting, and made it easier for law enforcement to hold someone indefinitely? As the authors of the op ed piece note: "Our data show that mass shooters have much in common. Instead of simply rehearsing for the inevitable, we need to use that data to drive effective prevention strategies."

So to summarize, in my opinion if you want to see an end to mass shootings:

 

SHORT TERM: make sure there are well-trained, armed guards at every school, church, concert, store

The best way to stop a bad guy with a gun is to have good guys with guns everywhere.

 

LONG TERM:

DEMAND that Congress pass laws making quality mental healthcare easily and readily accessible to everyone

REFORM the foster care system and get kids out of homes where they are traumatized and prevent bullying

 

These are complicated and long-term solutions, not quick fixes. Politicians hate these types of things because people much prefer knee-jerk reactions when there is a tragedy. Let's listen to the experts, though, who have studied shootings and who propose solutions that will likely work, if we have the courage to radically change course.

Stop the Revolution

Some of my ancestors came over before the American Revolution and then had to fight to be free of England's tyranny. Because of that, I am not a British subject today, but an American citizen. I was thinking about that yesterday. I am very grateful to be an American.

Would I risk my life and fight for an idea?

At that point [late 18th century] the world was ruled by kings and queens and folks who took power through violence and then ignored the people's wants and needs.

Imagine for a moment if the revolution had been lost. George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Franklin -- every member of the Continental Congress would have been hung for treason. Their names would merely be footnotes in history.

I have to be honest about something. I see this country heading down a dangerous path. The country is divided. Seriously divided. It's very scary. Some people love the president to the point of the ridiculous. Some people hate the president to the same point. Extremism on both sides. Entertainers are calling for violence towards the president. I have lived long enough and studied history and politics enough to know that we must not go down the path of armed rebellion.

Everyone is choosing sides in the most recent flag debate. The flag was used by Barack Obama a few years back at his second inauguration. Nobody said a word. Now, because a white supremacist used it once, Colin Kaepernick has decided it's offensive and so Nike took it off its new shoe.

I am disgusted.

My ancestors fought to proudly fly the flag. Was our newly-born country perfect? No. There were evil people in it -- just like everywhere on earth.

I admire the veteran-owned company, Nine Line Apparel, that has made a shirt displaying that flag and is now selling it. See this story. You can order the shirt here. These wise words are from the company website:

"We are only able to enjoy our liberties, rights and lives as Americans today, because of what this flag has always symbolized and stood for. For Colin Kaepernick and Nike to say no to the release of what would have probably been a popular shoe for their summer footwear line is like saying no to our 4th of July holiday. The one day of the year where we all unite as one patriotic American family to rejoice and celebrate our freedom, hard fought and won by our country's forefathers. The Betsy Ross flag has a direct correlation with this national patriotic holiday but Kaepernick and Nike don't care. They are a disgrace to all freedom-loving Americans, choosing ignorance over patriotism."

Well said, Nine Line. Thanks for responding patriotically. With so much dividing us today, let's not let a flag make it worse.