The Crab Chronicles

How to Prevent Mass Shootings

The mass shootings recently have left me, like everyone else, feeling emotionally exhausted and angry, and wanting a solution to the rash of shootings that have become epidemic in recent years. Before Columbine you almost never heard of a lone gunman trying to kill people. Before Kent State it was unthinkable. Now it's an almost daily occurrence somewhere.

I have started to write this blog many times and stopped. I will undoubtedly make some folks angry -- whether you are virulently anti-gun and want to ban all guns or you are virulently pro Second Amendment and a card-carrying NRA member.

Gun violence is a complicated problem and reducing it will be a complicated process. Politicians don't like complicated. They like things that make a great sound bite, like "Universal background checks!" or "You can have my gun when you pry it out of my cold dead hands!"

If I lost someone I loved to gun violence I've no doubt my first reaction would be BAN ALL GUNS! The first and most obvious solution is to disarm someone who is crazy or just evil. We reach for the easy answer, which is

No gun = No violence [The problem is that most mass shooters acquire their weapons legally, after passing a background check, or they get a gun from a family member or buy it illegally.]

OTOH, I might want to go out and purchase a handgun and head to the range and carry a concealed weapon at all times.

Which approach would be the best?

Neither.

In Great Britain, the government has banned all guns. Mass murderers now kill people with cars or trucks or knives. Terrorists or people who are mentally ill and want to commit violence will find a way. Just a few days ago a man in California went on a stabbing spree. He must not have been able to get a gun because he was out on bail.

I think the biggest reason for mass shootings is that it's hard to get help if you are crazy. I think only crazy people commit mass shootings. [I also think terrorists are crazy.]

NOTE: Instead of taking a long time to type out "mentally ill individuals" I am just going to type "crazy people." Political Correctness be damned.

Ever notice how all the old insane asylums are closed down now? Crazy people cannot be put away easily because of the ACLU. Were those places evil? Yes, from all accounts if you weren't crazy when you went in, being there a while would make you crazy. Sometimes husbands would put their wives there just because it was easier than getting a divorce. People with conditions we would not consider dangerous (Bipolar Disorder, for example) might be confined involuntarily. Lots of abuse happened in those places. However, that model doesn't have to be continued.

Most states now have laws that state that a person must present a grave danger to himself or others before they can be involuntarily committed. That's pretty hard to prove, oftentimes.

This opinion editorial in the Los Angeles Times makes for really interesting reading. They identify 4 things most mass shooters have in common. First thing on the list? Trauma. To wit:

"First, the vast majority of mass shooters in our study experienced early childhood trauma and exposure to violence at a young age. The nature of their exposure included parental suicide, physical or sexual abuse, neglect, domestic violence, and/or severe bullying. The trauma was often a precursor to mental health concerns, including depression, anxiety, thought disorders or suicidality."

Our foster care system is broken. Kids are constantly being put back into homes where parents are unfit. Children are shuttled from home to home without mercy, and often abused or neglected. That treatment sows the seeds of depression, anxiety, suicidal ideation. What if it was much easier for families in crisis to get help? What if there was high quality early help like Head Start, like jobs programs, like paid time off for mental health treatment?

What if bullying was not tolerated? Children get bullied every day. What if we made it easy for a social worker to investigate whatever family issues [poverty, neglect, lack of mental healthcare] caused a child to be a bully?

"Second, practically every mass shooter we studied had reached an identifiable crisis point in the weeks or months leading up to the shooting. They often had become angry and despondent because of a specific grievance."

What if the mass shooter had been able to walk into a mental health clinic and say "I am having terrible thoughts. Please help me." and actually GET THE HELP, regardless of their medical insurance [or lack of it]? What if we made it easy and free, mental health treatment??

"Third, most of the shooters had studied the actions of other shooters and sought validation for their motives. People in crisis have always existed. But in the age of 24-hour rolling news and social media, there are scripts to follow that promise notoriety in death."

The news media glorifies mass shooters. CNN, MSNBC, FOX, the networks -- lots of footage of crying, grieving family members. For a mentally unbalanced person, that coverage spurred them on. What if we stopped all that media attention? Greed drives those stories, the theory "If it bleeds it leads."

"Fourth, the shooters all had the means to carry out their plans. Once someone decides life is no longer worth living and that murdering others would be a proper revenge, only means and opportunity stand in the way of another mass shooting. Is an appropriate shooting site accessible? Can the would-be shooter obtain firearms? In 80% of school shootings, perpetrators got their weapons from family members, according to our data. Workplace shooters tended to use handguns they legally owned. Other public shooters were more likely to acquire them illegally."

So the fourth reason is about obtaining a weapon. Look again at how most shooters get weapons -- a family member, legally obtained, or illegally obtained. I fully believe in gun control laws. I fully believe in background checks. However, mass shooters often have no criminal past, or if they do, they just buy a gun illegally. So gun control laws are ineffective. Banning guns wouldn't work because it's too easy to get one illegally.

The notion "Is an appropriate shooting site accessible?" means simply, is there a school, church, or shopping mall accessible? Those are all places where you rarely find armed guards. We need armed guards at ALL those places.

The authors of the op ed piece know their stuff. They have obviously studied it without bias. Jillian Peterson is a psychologist and professor of criminology and criminal justice at Hamline University. James Densley is a sociologist and professor of criminal justice at Metropolitan State University. Together, they run the Violence Project.

One of the solutions they propose is making access to mental healthcare more readily available. Also, people need to have conversations with those who are mentally in crisis.

"Most mass public shooters are suicidal, and their crises are often well known to others before the shooting occurs. The vast majority of mass shooters leak their plans ahead of time. People who see or sense something is wrong, however, may not always say something to someone owing to the absence of clear reporting protocols or fear of overreaction and unduly labeling a person as a potential threat."

What if we made it easy to report someone who looked like they might commit a mass shooting, and made it easier for law enforcement to hold someone indefinitely? As the authors of the op ed piece note: "Our data show that mass shooters have much in common. Instead of simply rehearsing for the inevitable, we need to use that data to drive effective prevention strategies."

So to summarize, in my opinion if you want to see an end to mass shootings:

 

SHORT TERM: make sure there are well-trained, armed guards at every school, church, concert, store

The best way to stop a bad guy with a gun is to have good guys with guns everywhere.

 

LONG TERM:

DEMAND that Congress pass laws making quality mental healthcare easily and readily accessible to everyone

REFORM the foster care system and get kids out of homes where they are traumatized and prevent bullying

 

These are complicated and long-term solutions, not quick fixes. Politicians hate these types of things because people much prefer knee-jerk reactions when there is a tragedy. Let's listen to the experts, though, who have studied shootings and who propose solutions that will likely work, if we have the courage to radically change course.

Stop the Revolution

Some of my ancestors came over before the American Revolution and then had to fight to be free of England's tyranny. Because of that, I am not a British subject today, but an American citizen. I was thinking about that yesterday. I am very grateful to be an American.

Would I risk my life and fight for an idea?

At that point [late 18th century] the world was ruled by kings and queens and folks who took power through violence and then ignored the people's wants and needs.

Imagine for a moment if the revolution had been lost. George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Franklin -- every member of the Continental Congress would have been hung for treason. Their names would merely be footnotes in history.

I have to be honest about something. I see this country heading down a dangerous path. The country is divided. Seriously divided. It's very scary. Some people love the president to the point of the ridiculous. Some people hate the president to the same point. Extremism on both sides. Entertainers are calling for violence towards the president. I have lived long enough and studied history and politics enough to know that we must not go down the path of armed rebellion.

Everyone is choosing sides in the most recent flag debate. The flag was used by Barack Obama a few years back at his second inauguration. Nobody said a word. Now, because a white supremacist used it once, Colin Kaepernick has decided it's offensive and so Nike took it off its new shoe.

I am disgusted.

My ancestors fought to proudly fly the flag. Was our newly-born country perfect? No. There were evil people in it -- just like everywhere on earth.

I admire the veteran-owned company, Nine Line Apparel, that has made a shirt displaying that flag and is now selling it. See this story. You can order the shirt here. These wise words are from the company website:

"We are only able to enjoy our liberties, rights and lives as Americans today, because of what this flag has always symbolized and stood for. For Colin Kaepernick and Nike to say no to the release of what would have probably been a popular shoe for their summer footwear line is like saying no to our 4th of July holiday. The one day of the year where we all unite as one patriotic American family to rejoice and celebrate our freedom, hard fought and won by our country's forefathers. The Betsy Ross flag has a direct correlation with this national patriotic holiday but Kaepernick and Nike don't care. They are a disgrace to all freedom-loving Americans, choosing ignorance over patriotism."

Well said, Nine Line. Thanks for responding patriotically. With so much dividing us today, let's not let a flag make it worse.

Advice to Aspiring Actors and Models

Every once in a while I have the pleasure of hearing from someone I’ve interviewed and I have a chance to catch up with them. I interviewed my friend Jeff Joslin -- actor/model/director/producer, back in 2013 for a Twenty Questions column. Jeff has just written and published a terrific book called Pick Me! Pick Me! -- subtitled “how to break into the entertainment industry with little to no experience.”

Jeff had been a football player and then a businessman when the acting bug bit seriously in December 2005. He decided to pursue modeling and acting seriously, and used his marketing skills to market himself.

I want to interject here for a moment and say, I have acted with Jeff and he is thoroughly professional. In 3^rd grade we were both in a play called Rumplestiltskin. Jeff had a small part as a soldier and suggested to the director that he and some other boys do a Russian dance -- huge hit with the audience. I had the rather difficult character role of The Miller’s Wife. (I was taller than everyone else, and chubby, so character roles were my third grade claim to fame. LOL)

I have been reading Jeff’s book Pick Me! Pick Me! and it has a lot of great information and advice to aspiring actors. Jeff: “My book is aimed at helping people break into the industry if they don’t have much experience. Models and actors will find it helpful.”

One great takeaway is this: you don’t have to be gorgeous to get work. There is plenty of work for people who look ordinary, and there are also “character” roles that need filling. Jeff has actually lost out on occasion because he is TOO handsome and the director felt like he would draw too much attention away from the lead actors. Example: “I was in a scene in Sex and the City and I got moved, and told, “You look too dapper. You’re too good looking for that scene.”

Jeff has been on sets with some very famous people – Richard Gere, Josh Brolin, Emily Blunt, Tyler Perry – just to name a few. That’s one of the perks of what he does.

Jeff had a small but important role in 2012's Madea's Witness Protection. 

He urges folks trying to break in to showbiz to not limit themselves to only acting. Jeff has worked as a stunt man, an extra, even a hand double. As Jeff explains, “I was Steve Martin’s hand double in “It's Complicated.” I was rolling croissants in the bakery because my hands look like his. I was Josh Brolin’s hand double in Men in Black III. They don’t want to waste the actor’s time doing stuff like that so a lot of times they will use doubles.”

The process of getting cast in commercials, TV shows, and films is nowadays easier than it used to be. Jeff does a lot of auditions on digital video, and sends them to casting directors. That has allowed him to live in Orlando since 2015 and still get work, although he is in the process of moving back to his hometown of Knoxville at the moment.

If you want to keep up with what Jeff is doing, like his Facebook page Jeff Joslin Producer/Actor. Jeff has posted some of his taped audition videos on there.

Jeff is a multi-talented guy. In addition to shooting his own audition videos, he has written, produced and directed two films, Fishbait, and The Quarry.

I can't wait to see what he is doing next.

Oh, and just an an FYI -- Jeff has three handsome and multi-talented sons, too, and one adorable grandbaby.

Bridezillas and Wedding Stories

I spotted what has to be the craziest story about a Bridezilla that I have ever read, the other day. This woman insists that all her wedding guests conform to a dress code, and it's based on what they weigh. Yes, you read that right. You can read all the details in this article: Bride Demands Wedding Guests Wear Attire Based on Their Weight.

If you aren't familiar with the term "bridezilla" it's pretty easy to explain. A woman who is preparing to get married makes a bunch of unreasonable demands and drives everyone around her crazy. If you want to know more, check out: 23 people reveal the most horrifying bridezilla moments they've ever seen — and they'll make you want to stay single

The bridezilla story that I find most appalling is about the bride demanding her guests dress a certain way, though. First of all, she demanded that her guests fly to Hawaii to attend her wedding, at their own expense of course. Next, she demanded that they purchase her crazy wedding outfit --

Her guests also have to bring a formal outfit that costs at least $1,000. Yes, you read that right. 

“Remember, the venue is extremely upscale, and we want to be looking our absolute BEST, ladies and gents,” she wrote. “Please, if you look like trash, so will we. All jokes aside, we want you to invest in an outfit valued at at least $1,000. This includes jewelry, accessories, makeup, and hair. Remember ladies and gents, this wedding is 24k themed for a reason.”

She found out in early December 2018 that someone had leaked her crazy clothes demands online and the post had gone viral. She then was outraged and demanded all guests come to a party and be polygraphed so she could determine who had leaked her crazy demands. 

Needless to say, all of this has gotten a TON of attention on social media.

What most of the stories don't mention is this nugget I gleaned from the MSN story: "Curious for more salacious details? Well, according to the bride, she and her future husband are “spiritual healers” who met at a “psychic’s desensitization chamber” in Italy more than a decade ago."  

Is a "desensitization chamber" a place where you learn to ignore other people's feelings entirely? Is her husband-to-be equally insensitive and controlling?

This couple has been together for a DECADE. That's ten years. Why bother to get married at all? In many states it's already a common-law marriage.

I should mention here that if you get married on the beach in Hawaii and you demand that your guests dress in ridiculously spiky Laboutin high heels guess what will happen? Women will stumble and stagger and trip and fall. I watched a beach wedding years ago [I wasn't invited, just sitting on a restaurant patio having a drink and watching the lunacy] and there were many women in the bridal party who could barely walk down to the beach because they were idiotically wearing spiky high heels.

Choreographed dance number with matching outfits? I doubt it. Bridezilla needs to plan on having EMTs standing by to treat twisted ankles. 

Secondly, and I mean this with all sincerity, I hope nobody goes to her wedding. Any person who would demand people fly to Hawaii and pay thousands of dollars to see a wedding where they will be treated little cattle, deserves what they get. The bride deserves for all her guests to cancel. [Actually, she deserves to be slapped repeatedly, but that's just my opinion.]

I was invited to a wedding once that involved me buying a plane ticket to Miami and then taking a tiny chartered plane across the ocean for a couple of hours, to attend a wedding on the beach, at a private island. The cost was somewhere around $500-800. I was in graduate school. I didn't have the money. The bride was a close friend but she was marrying a much older, very rich guy. His friends could all afford that type of trip. I couldn't. She had her mother call me and practically beg me to go. The words "I can't afford it" didn't seem to register. I held my ground and didn't go. I sent a nice gift. Despite that, the bride got very upset with me and didn't speak to me for months afterward. [Just FYI: She ended up divorcing the rich guy because he was an abusive alcoholic. I wasn't happy about that - I felt intensely sorry for her.]

Weddings used to be about making a pledge before God and your friends and family. A wedding used to be a sacred thing, a sacrament. It wasn't an excuse to have an enormous, costly event. People didn't choreograph dance numbers. My parents had a very nice wedding but they were young and poor and the reception was at the church and merely included cake, punch, and a few mints. The "honeymoon" was one night in a hotel just over the Florida line. Despite the low-key event, my parents were married for almost 40 years, until my dad's death. 

 

I have never been married but I still feel like as a potential guest I shouldn't be forced to spend money I don't have and conform to some crazy idea of what to wear, all to satisfy the demands of a neurotic woman with control issues.

I sincerely hope all Bridezillas get exactly what they deserve on their wedding day.

 

Tucker Georgia, My Hometown

I never write about legal topics here on my blog because I am not a lawyer and I wouldn't want anyone to accuse me of trying to give out legal advice. I have a lot of paralegal experience and I know how to work a litigation case, but I never went to law school, never wanted to be a lawyer, and would never advise anyone on a legal matter, except perhaps to say "Here's the name of a good lawyer I know. Call him/her."

Having said that, I wanted to say a couple of things about businesses and safety, and about my adopted hometown, Tucker, Georgia.

A couple of years ago, an old office complex 3 minutes from my house was demolished and a new shopping center was built. It now contains well-known and popular stores, including a Sprouts, which is a discount farmer's market type place. I like Sprouts, for vegetables and hard-to-find items like gluten-free stuff, organic produce, and nuts. We don't have any other stores like it close by. The nearest Whole Foods or Trader Joe's, for example, are 20 (or more) minutes away. 

Last week, in the middle of a sunny afternoon, a lady was mugged right in front of Sprouts. The mugger got not only her wallet and purse, but her car. A friend of hers posted about this on the Tucker Facebook group, and it ignited a firestorm of comments. A lot of folks agreed with me that Sprouts and the other business owners should have cameras mounted all over that parking lot, at minimum, and patrolling security guards, to be really vigilant. Others felt like businesses should not be penalized for things like muggings in the parking lot.

So here's the debate.

I posted about the fact that business owners should make sure that anyone who comes on their premises is safe. People need to feel safe and not be mugged, obviously. However, businesses have a vested interest in making sure people feel safe, because if their parking lots are the daily sites of muggings, people will not want to visit their businesses. Indeed, some commenters on the Facebook post said they would avoid that shopping center now.

However, in defense of Sprouts and the other stores I want to say a couple of things. Shoppers -- or anyone who comes on the businesses property -- need to have situational awareness, and take steps to secure their own safety -- which is just common sense.

Wikipedia defines it:

Situational awareness or situation awareness (SA) is the perception of environmental elements and events with respect to time or space, the comprehension of their meaning, and the projection of their future status.

Situation awareness has been recognized as a critical, yet often elusive, foundation for successful decision-making across a broad range of situations, including aviation, air traffic control, ship navigation,^[1] health care,^[2] emergency response, military command and control operations,^[3] and offshore oil and nuclear power plant management.^[4] Lacking or inadequate situation awareness has been identified as one of the primary factors in accidents attributed to human error.^[5]

The formal definition of SA is broken down into three segments: perception of the elements in the environment, comprehension of the situation, and projection of future status.

My brother has worked in the security field for years and before that was in the military. We have discussed situational awareness many times. If I walk out of a store holding bags of merchandise in one hand and I'm talking on my cell phone which is held in the other hand, vaguely glancing around for my car, paying no attention to the parking lot, thinking about my conversation, am I safe? No. I am distracted. Muggers love to see that. They can walk right up to me, show me a gun, and I am helpless. 

Let's take another example. I walk out of the store holding bags. I pause at the store's entrance, look all around the parking lot for anyone who seems to be just loitering, and I walk to my car with my keys in my hand, ready to unlock the car remotely, put the bags in, and go. I will not be as attractive to a mugger, in that situation.

I am not saying the lady who was mugged at Sprouts had no situational awareness or was careless in any way. I don't know anything about that. I just know situational awareness is important and can sometimes help one avoid being a crime victim.

Women get robbed at gas stations all the time because they have their purses on the passenger's side seat, doors unlocked, and they are looking at the gas pump reading as they pump their gas. It's easy for a car to pull up beside them and a thief can open the passenger side door, grab the purse, and be gone -- before the woman pumping gas even knows they were there.

So here are three true statements:

Businesses should strive to be safe places for their customers.

Customers should have situational awareness and take commonsense precautions for their own safety.

The mugging last week happened less than 5 minutes from a police headquarters building. Anything can happen anywhere.

 

When I was a young paralegal I started learning about premises liability, and I worked a lot of those cases over the years. I was usually working for lawyers on the side of the business owners who were getting sued by "invitees" (shoppers/customers) who were injured in some way after visiting the business. Lots of those cases were "slip and falls" -- for instance a lady walks into a store and trips and falls because of water on the floor, and hurts her back very badly. Was it the fault of the store owner that there was a wet spot on the floor? Or was it the fault of the lady, who was wearing high heels and paying no attention to where she was going? Those questions can really only be decided by a jury, but in many cases, business owners settle those cases for thousands of dollars to avoid protracted litigation and attorney costs. 

Tucker is simply as good and as bad as any other place. I will not let a mugging stop me from shopping at Sprouts.

I love living where I live. I love the fact that although I live in Atlanta, which is a huge city -- 11 million in the metro area, or something like that -- I consider myself a small town resident. I love Tucker. It's where I shop, eat out, hang out with friends, etc. Our little town is blossoming. New businesses are moving in all the time. We have a vibrant downtown area.

Lots of movies and TV shows film around here. Clint Eastwood's new movie The Mule was filmed, some of it, right down the street from my house. I saw the trucks. The new Hugh Jackman movie The Frontrunner was also filmed in Tucker. Tons of movies are filmed in Georgia now, as you can see here. We have mountains, urban areas, small towns, a beach, etc.

I have lived in Tucker since 1993 and I don't plan on ever moving. It's not as big and busy as Decatur or Marietta, but Tucker offers a lot of small town charm, with great access to the city. You can hop in the car and be at a Braves game, visit the Georgia Aquarium or see a show at the Fox Theater in less than 30 minutes. 

 

In conclusion, I want to offer a couple of thoughts. Businesses should take steps to make sure folks are safe in their businesses, including the parking lots. However, it's important for everyone to be aware of their surroundings and for women, especially, to be careful. Women alone are considered easy targets by muggers.

Tucker is as good as as bad as any small town. We have crime, but we also offer small town charm and most people who live here love it. Muggings in parking lots shouldn't deter anyone from living here.

I found a cool video which gives you a small taste of what Tucker is like. Check it out here. 

Main Street

 

Lies and Deception

The title of this post was easy to write (for once) because I know exactly what I want to say. I just hate saying it. I try very hard to steer clear of writing about politics on here or any of my social media accounts, but I want to make some observations that I think pertain to both parties.

A friend of mine posted a link on Facebook to a fascinating and thought-provoking essay by Camille Paglia about Trump and the election of 2016. I'm not sure if my friend realized it was originally published in June 2017. It may not matter. While I don't agree with everything Paglia said, she made some excellent points.

Part of the reason I like the Paglia essay is that she makes intelligent observations about both parties. For example:

"The administration bears full responsibility for fanning the flames of an already aroused "Resistance." However, I fail to see the "chaos" in the White House that the mainstream media (as well as conservative Never Trumpers) keep harping on—or rather, I see no more chaos than was abundantly present during the first six months of both the Clinton and Obama administrations." 

Americans need to hear voices like that. We need to hear folks who look at politicians in both parties and hold a mirror up to them so they can see their own foibles. 

 

When I was a freshman in college I took a class called Key Presidential Elections of the Twentieth Century. For the first time, I heard intelligent, lucid ideas about presidential elections that didn't come from either of my parents. (My parents were both very intelligent and active in politics. Mom is still alive, and in fact still feisty about politics.) This is yet another reason why college is important. We are all vulnerable to different ideas at ages 17-25 (roughly) and we need to hear ideas that shake us up and teach us how to think objectively. I purposely didn't tell my parents a lot about that poli sci class because they were staunch Republicans and the professor clearly wasn't. He referred to President Reagan as "the painted doll." 

I learned to watch the idiotic sound bites that are political ads and to ignore the inflammatory rhetoric. For instance, Democrat accuses Republican of voting against a bill to help xyz group. Republican seems heartless. I do some research and find out the bill had tons of other things in it that were bigger and more prominent and probably Republican didn't realize the rider about xyz group was there; or possibly he felt like he had to vote for the bill because the other issues were more important. You can make the exact same argument for Democrats and how they vote. We really need single-issue bills in Congress, not bills stuffed with a million pounds of pork. 

Politicians do this type of thing all.the.time. They have folks researching every single thing the opponent has ever done or said. By these standards, no politician is safe from mud slinging, unless they grew up in a monastery and have done and said almost nothing to anybody in their entire lives. 

What I find so horrifying right now is that both parties are viciously attacking each other, and things are escalating alarmingly. The mud slinging here in Georgia has become a mud avalanche, and I bet it's that way everywhere.

As yesterday's clumsy bombs sent to Hillary, Obama, and others demonstrate, and the attacks on politicians in restaurants demonstrate, we are becoming less and less about disagreeing respectfully and more and more about being childish. 

I blame Hollywood. 

Seriously. 

When I was a kid I went to see movies where there were lots of words exchanged, and violence was never the point of the whole movie. There were good guys and there were bad guys. 

Nowadays, dialogue takes a back seat to action. Character development is tossed out the window. It's all about special effects. I dare you to think of an intelligent action movie that has been released in the past ten years. It's all about comic book villains and comic book morals.

There's no time for silly old-fashioned things like character development, dialogue, and real ideas.

With CGI, movies have become the realm of ANYTHING GOES. Instead of just a bad guy, we have villains that have to be special in some way -- they can't just be guys who want to kill one or two people, or even one or two countries. Oh no. They have to be out to destroy all mankind, in nuclear-type annihilation. It's like the running joke in the Austin Powers movies about wanting "millions" -- no wait, let's factor in inflation -- BILLIONS -- in order not to detonate a nuclear device.

The mindset is: let's make it bigger and badder and bolder. BIGGER. BOLDER. Let's really BLOW STUFF UP EVERY FIVE MINUTES!

Politicians have taken their cues from the movies and now everything is reduced to shock-inducing TV commercials. People usually don't take the time or trouble to sit down for an hour or more and truly research the candidates, comparing their positions on key issues. Sometimes you see it done in the media, but most folks don't trust the media any more. Did CNN make that chart? Nope, I don't believe a thing from them. Did Fox News make that chart? Oh hell no. They are totally Republican tools. 

See how that works? The media outlets on both sides have lost all credibility.

We are all jaded. 

I think also we are all tired of the mud slinging and the distortions. 

I am tired of Congress in general. Why don't we have term limits or single issue bills? Simple. Politicians don't want those things. They don't want to shake up the status quo. 

I am disgusted and disheartened by all of this nonsense. Wesley was right -- too bad he's not running for office right now...

Weight Loss Ideas

Here's a little piece of trivia I will share with y'all, and I rarely talk about it, even with close friends: twice in my life I have lost over 100 lbs. The last time was from about 1999-2001. Lost 110 lbs. In my twenties when I was in graduate school I lost over 100 lbs. I don't recall the exact amount. 

When I was a kid I loved sports and I was pretty active. I loved tennis and swimming, and I liked to roller skate and play basketball in the driveway. I never walked up the stairs I ran. I skipped stairs. I walked fast. [below, me aged 6]

Of course, then I grew up and got more sedentary.

I inherited short fat legs and a fat fanny from my beloved Memaw, my grandmother. My other grandmother, who died before I was born, was tall and skinny. I didn't get any of these genes, although I was named for her.. 

The gene pool is a crazy thing, I often say.

Anyway, I am not now much of an athlete but I know it's important to MOVE. Don't just sit in a chair for hours. Bad for the back and the waistline. If you sit all day at work, get up every 30 minutes and just walk in place at your desk, for like 2 minutes. At lunch, walk for 10 minutes, even just around the hallways. Just MOVE.

Below, me and my cousin/BFF Lesleigh, when we were both pretty svelte, about 17 years ago. 

So I went to the doctor the other day for a physical. Everything was fine. Test results came in the mail yesterday. I need to up my Vitamin D consumption, and I will get that done. I am researching foods that have a good bit of vitamin D. Ironic. I am deficient in my name.

The doctor didn't fuss at me about my weight but I told her I was back on the program and would get the extra lbs. off. She has seen me do it before. 

BTW the currently popular "ketogenic" diet, Atkins, and plan old low carb are all pretty much the same thing. [You can learn more about the ketogenic diet here.]

There is a myth that low carb is unhealthy. Not necessarily. You can eat low carb and still be very healthy, although if you have naturally high cholesterol you will need to avoid a lot of bacon and butter, duh. Substitute good fats like olive oil and avocado. Honestly, I eat lots more healthy veggies on low carb than I do normally. 

So here are my suggestions. 

 

FOOD TIPS

I wanted to share some low carb tips I have learned over the years, through trial and error. 

One, make friends with cabbage. I hate chopping it so I buy bags of what is called coleslaw cabbage. You find it with the bagged salads, but on the top shelf for some weird reason, at least at Publix and Kroger. For lunch I like to saute 1-2 cups of it in olive oil, with a little chopped onion or onion powder, and add a good shake of soy sauce and garlic or garlic powder. Saute until soft. Add a piece of chicken and it's a good meal. Tastes a bit like an eggroll. 

Two, spaghetti squash is so yummy. You buy the squash and stick it on a cookie sheet and put it in the oven on 400 degrees for 30-40 minutes. Take it out and let it cool a bit. Slice it lengthwise. Pull out the big seeds and tough middle part -- the seeds look like pumpkin seeds. Take a fork and scrape the sides of the squash and strands of squash appear. I saute it in butter, olive oil, and some chopped onion, and throw in some cheese after about ten minutes. YUM. 

 

My friend Bronwyn has been doing Atkins now for months and has done super well. She is my current low carb guru. She has lost more than 80 lbs. -- and dealt with the death of her mom last fall, which was devastating and threw her off for a couple of months, but she got right back on track.

She has good tips. Just today she was suggesting kale chips. [I don't like kale normally but I might try it, down the road.]  She also suggested microwaving pepperoni slices until they are crisp, and using them as a chip. Also, cutting up slices of cheese and microwaving them until they are crisp. 

In the morning, instead of toast, I scramble a couple of eggs and either add a handful of spinach or a bit of grated cheese. I love eggs but they get boring. [BTW I have been eating eggs every day for years and my cholesterol is normal]

On low carb you tend to miss crunchy things like chips and fries. If you will saute spinach leaves in olive oil they get crunchy. Ditto for kale.

High protein snacks are crucial.

I get sliced turkey at the deli and snack on it. When I am bored with it I add cheese. I also snack on cheese but I try not to eat too much of it or it upsets my tummy. 

I love hummus with carrot sticks, too.

 

I have been doing pretty well for the past week, week 1, and I am down 6 lbs. Woo hoo! I still need to modify it a bit. I love love love sweets. That's my downfall. For this week I have kept chunks of cantaloupe in the fridge and when I wanted something sweet I ate a couple of chunks of cantaloupe. This really helped me. Hopefully next week I can live without the melon and without my 1 slice of bread a day. 

 

RANDOM TIPS

Here's what I have to remind myself and what I always tell everyone about dieting: figure out what works for YOU. Listen to your body. If you are miserable on low carb, like really miserable, maybe a different plan is better for you, like just counting calories, or increasing workouts. Weight Watchers didn't work for me but lots of folks swear by it. Check it out.

Exercise is important but you don't have to go nuts with it. Just walk 20 minutes a day, and gradually work up to more strenuous workouts. I have a dog. She has to be walked. That helps. Or take your BFF and go walk around the mall. Or go to the pool and walk up and down the pool.

I have read that if you exercise really hard for a couple of minutes, then moderately for 5-10 minutes, the interval thing really helps you burn more calories. 

Also, drink LOTS of water. I keep a plastic pitcher of water next to me all day and I sip on it literally all.day.long. You can add slices of fruit or lemon or something if you are bored with it. 

You can add a lot of empty calories by what you drink. I drink nothing but water and unsweet tea. Do NOT drink alcohol. No beer or wine especially -- they turn to sugar in your body. Don't drink diet sodas because I've read studies showing they actually are harmful for you and don't help.

Whatever diet you are on, modify it to suit you. Eat foods you like. COOK. Plan your meals and snacks. IF you plan you are more likely to succeed. 

I only weigh once a week. Otherwise I would go nutty. A weekly loss of 1-2 lbs is great. Don't get crazy. If you lose too fast you tend to gain it right back -- trust me, I know this.

 

SUMMARY

The important thing is to be in it for the long haul. If you fall off the wagon when you're out to eat or at a party, get back on the wagon immediately and don't let it completely derail you. 

I have a birthday coming up. Am I going to eat cake? Probably 1 piece. However, the next day I will be back on the program. 

above, me in 1991, with Dad and some friends -- I still have that dress somewhere. Love it. One day I will get it back on...

Trading Places

Have you ever talked to a friend and thought wow, I would HATE to have her life! I had that experience last night. I had a phone chat with a friend I haven't seen or spoken to in many months, although we have been friends for nearly 20 years. 

I only got a call back from her because she was in the car headed home from working out at the gym. She works 40-60 hours a week at a law office, and works out every day.

She lives in midtown, walking distance to the Fox Theatre. I would love to be able to walk to the Fox. However, when she was pulling her car into the lot behind her condo she was annoyed at having to wait a couple of minutes while a guy standing right on front of her car took his time peeing. 

EEUW. 

Compared to her, I live in the country. It's suburban Atlanta, inside the perimeter, but comparatively? The country. I saw a rabbit in my back yard last night when I let Lola out to tinkle. Lola wanted to chase the rabbit. Holding her back from that was fun. I've seen foxes, possums, coyotes -- in my back yard.

She can walk to fancy, expensive restaurants, to museums, to theaters. She lives smack dab in the heart of everything the city has to offer, and in Atlanta that's quite a lot. I can't do that, but I don't want to.

She is going to have to continue to work the punishing hours, at a high-stress job, for the next 15 years or more, to be able to retire and live at the same high standard she has now. I started to feel sorry for her, after we hung up and I reflected on that. Then I thought about it some more and realized wait a minute, she is very smart, very educated. If she WANTED to change jobs, to get out of the city, to get away from all that stress, she could totally do it. Her child is grown. Her car is paid for. She bought her condo years ago and I doubt the payments are that bad. She is working those awful hours and putting herself through that stress because she WANTS to. There is something holding her to that, and deep down she likes what she does. 

I cannot fathom it. Then again, she asked me about my life and what I do all day, and I told her about caring for Mother, Lola, and Michael, and her response was "I don't know how you do that. I couldn't do it."

I started to chuckle but I realized she was being serious.

I used to think I wanted to travel. Ireland, Scotland, Japan, Australia -- lots of plans and daydreams about going places and seeing things. Now I watch Travel Channel on my nice TV and I am grateful my feet don't hurt from all that walking, and I don't have to worry about finding a clean restroom in some out of the way place. I've been to places like that. I don't care to go back.

Now I am perfectly happy to be right here, in Atlanta, in my own messy old house, doing pretty much exactly what I want all day. Yes, caretaking can be really tiresome, some days, but most days now I am pretty content. I wish I had more money, but I don't want to spend 80% of my waking life at an office slaving away for people who don't care if I live or die, who view me simply as a cog in the wheel. (I used to work where my friend works, still, and I know what type of place it is. Stress City.) In that instance, I would have more money but less time to spend it.

No, I can go outside and take a photo of beauty that's right in my back yard, like the shots below, and marvel at how beautiful Atlanta is in the early spring. I love watching the robins and cardinals in my back yard. I wouldn't trade walking Lola and chatting with neighbors for walking city streets where drunks feel free to pee right in front of me. No thanks.

This country mouse is a happy camper right here.

Pictures from My Life

Life is pretty quiet and calm right now, knock wood. Car runs. We have money in the bank. Mom and Michael are fine. I am fine. Lola is a hot mess but basically fine. 

My old house always has something going on.

A couple of days ago the heat upstairs quit working, which was scary. (Thanks goodness it was not cold on Sunday.) Air would come out, but not heated air, and the Auto thingy on the thermostat wasn't working at all. Called the HVAC company we use and they came out yesterday morning. One tiny wire had come loose in the thermostat. That was fixed easily. YAY. 

I am slowly but surely gathering all the stuff so the taxes can get done, asap. I help Mother get hers done and I do Michael's taxes with him, using a program called Tax Act, which is easy. Mine have to go to the accountant, like Mom's.

I spent the weekend contemplating and then making a red velvet cake, for a friend's birthday. I had never made one before. It's basically a chocolate cake with red food dye in it. The cream cheese icing was easy to make and the recipe made a TON of it. I will definitely make this cake again because it's not that hard and it's festive.

I am not great at layer cakes. They are always lopsided. I also didn't refrigerate the layers, which is a great trick. Nonetheless, when my friend came to pick it up we all had a piece. He loved it. 

Saturday was a rainy and gloomy day so after Michael and I made the obligatory grocery store run -- which can be kind of fun because he has a list and I have a list and it's sort of like a contest to see who finishes first - we went and bought donuts. Not Dunkin or Krispy Kreme, no... a new, no-name donut place in Tucker -- Donut City. Everyone in the Tucker Facebook group had been raving about how wonderful the donuts were so I thought why not try them. We had never been there before and the guy threw in two extra donuts -- of course, he was fixing to close for the day and might have been going to throw them out but it was nice, anyway.. They were more cake-like but they were much more light textured than Dunkin and they didn't have the weird oily industrial taste that Dunkin Donuts have that I hate. These were more pastry-like. They were out of apple fritters, which they are famous for, but oh well..

A friend of mine went out to Comfort Farms yesterday and took photos for me, for an article I am writing for a cooking website. Wish I could have gone, but it's a 2 hour drive and I was waiting on the HVAC guy. Plus, I can't leave Mom all day. Jon posted great photos of his prized pigs on the Facebook page, noting how well-mannered they are. I love this photo -- it looks like they're gossiping. Plus, look at the cool rainbow behind them!

Reminder: please Donate to Comfort Farms and support their wonderful mission of helping veterans

Christmas Gift Buying Ideas

My mother and my son LOVE Christmas. They love putting up the tree, seeing the house decorated, the baking, all of it. Even though she is 83, my mother still loves Christmas and she started telling me back in August that Christmas is "not that far away."

I used to feel the same. I loved Christmas. It was exciting and magical to me, even as an adult. That lasted until.... about 2009? When I got laid off from my job and trying to buy Christmas gifts became a big challenge?! Now I feel somewhat like Scrooge. I grumble and grouse. To me, it feels like just 15 minutes ago we put the tree away from Christmas 2016.

However, this year I am going to make a concerted effort to not stress over Christmas, and to purchase gifts that are useful/meaningful, stressing quality over quantity.

Every year, I try to sort through stuff and sell or donate what we don't need/want/use. Goodwill gets a TON of stuff from us. I don't want to buy gifts that will just go on the donation heap in a year or two..

I have friends who, months ago, purchased an Instant Pot -- the 21st century high-tech pressure cooker/everything cooker. They love it. Everyone I know who has one loves it. I am thinking about getting one for my brother. He likes to cook, and he works a lot, so anything that cooks food fast seems like a good idea. 

I am still pondering what to get my son but I am thinking about a pass to Stone Mountain. It's only about 15 minutes from my house and there are tons of fun things to do there. He has plenty of clothes and buying him THINGS seems less desirable than buying him experiences. I have a friend who doesn't do a normal Christmas [she has more than 20 adopted kids] but every year they go to the beach for Christmas, which I think is an excellent idea. Experiences will be remembered long after things are put away or given away.

Mom is harder to buy for, but she has lost a ton of weight so clothes would likely be a good choice.

BTW, neither my brother or my son read my blog, so no worries about spoiling the surprise... LOL

What I do not want to do is get stressed out about gifts. Some years I stress more about little gifts for neighbors than anything else. I am so glad I work from home now so I don't have to worry about gifts for work colleagues or bosses.  

I hate shopping in stores but I have been able to shop totally online, in recent years, which makes the whole experience easier. I am sorry a lot of brick and mortar stores are closing but I think online shopping will continue to be popular. I miss great stores like Borders but online IS the wave of the future. 

below, our card from a few years ago...