We are in the grip of an arctic cold, and this is not typical for Atlanta in January. I am not happy about this. The HIGH today will be 32. Right now it's about 8-10 degrees, with a wind chill of close to zero.
Normally, 32 would be the low and the high would be somewhere in the 50's.
The past few years have seen some weirdly cold winter days, even snow. Last winter there was an event we called Snowpocalypse, where people were trapped in their cars for hours and hours because of a Snow Event that happened in the middle of a weekday and caused the city to shut down. Atlanta doesn't have snowplows because it seldom snows here. We aren't set up for it.
I was not out driving in it. I was taking photos here at home, thanks be to God. I remember it well. I'd had a job interview and snow was already falling. Fortunately, the interview was in Tucker, 5 minutes from my house. It was a fast interview and then I hightailed it home - a 5 minute journey that took me 20 minutes.
Michael got home on the bus OK. Thousands of children were stuck at school, however, and spent the night. One of my cousins spent 8 hours in his car. A friend of mine couldn't get even close to home, and pulled over and spent the night at a friend's house... and then another night. The snow melted a bit and turned to ice, then it snowed some more, making driving really dangerous for several days.
I am praying we don't see anything like that again.
I sat there thinking to myself, I have in my pocket a smartphone [a tiny computer] and I am watching a movie about the man who invented the computer.
Wow.
It's a great film and I highly recommend it.
Michael has always lived in a world with computers and he takes them for granted. I suppose my generation is the last one to really be in awe of the computer. When I was his age I had never touched a computer, and I wouldn't get one at work or for home use until I was in my early 30's.
Think about this. Today, we use computers to find life partners, to find our way home, to do homework, to write books and articles, to find recipes instantly -- they are essential to all aspects of life.
And yet, most people have never heard of Alan Turing. What he did was classified by the British government until just a few years ago, and he was persecuted for being gay.
Think about how the world might be different if he had not committed suicide at age 41?!?...
I find most action movies boring and silly. However, Michael and I watched Captain America: The Winter Soldier last night, and it was really excellent.
I liked the first Captain America a lot. The backstory is intriguing. I like the fact that there IS a backstory, and that Captain America seems to be a real person as opposed to a cartoon stereotype.
I do want to point out some unintentionally funny things in the latest movie, however.
Scarlet Johansson is a very lovely lady but she must NOT be shot in profile. Her nose looks hideous. Totally changes her from a hottie to a witch. There is a long dialogue scene in the new Captain America movie where she is in profile for the entire.scene. Huge blunder on the part of the director.
Robert Redford as the villain?? Really? Terrible choice. He conveys no menace whatsoever. He is now an old man, almost 80. STILL has dyed hair but a super wrinkly face. It's ridiculous. He needs to take grandpa parts now and quit trying to act 20-40 years younger. ACK.
If you want a laugh, check out the honest trailer:
I always watch TV while I cook breakfast. Usually I find something on HGTV or maybe the local news, so I can catch the weather report. This morning, I flipped on the TV and caught an old movie I haven't seen in years, Broadcast News.
I remember identifying closely with the (short, southern, spunky) Holly Hunter character, and wishing I had gotten my degree in journalism instead of Drama. (There is clearly a lot of drama in journalism, however.) Then again, with the explosion of the internet, there are a lot of good journalists out of work now..
At their best, movies hold up a mirror to us and say hey, this is what you look like -- do you really like these things about yourself? Really?
All the movies I've ever seen that were written by James L. Brooks made me think. I am sure that I could watch As Good As It Gets and Terms of Endearment once a week for the rest of my life and still find interesting things, new things, every time I watch.
As I've often said, movies where something blows up every 5 minutes don't interest me much, but movies that honestly explore human relationships are endlessly fascinating.
Watching Holly Hunter this morning reminded me of what I found most interesting when I watched that movie the first time. I was fascinated by her clothes and her hair. I was dazzled by handsome William Hurt, and yet he was playing a character who was not too smart, and that turned me off, a lot. (To me, attractiveness is all about intelligence and personality, and looks have little to do with it.) I loved the homes in the movie. I loved the excitement of the news.
More than anything, the movie made me realize that the span of years since 1987 has seen me change so very, very much, and that is actually fine. It's not a bad thing. I can remember dreading the thought of being over 50 and yet, it's not bad at all. I couldn't have foreseen that slowing down and savoring the things in life that matter (family, friendship, faith, etc.) would be so much more fulfilling that my headlong rush to get what I wanted when I was in my 20's.
When you spend 20 years obsessed with finding a great love, getting married, having children, and being a famous writer, the fact that your perspective can utterly change is mind-blowing. So how did I change so radically?
The first thing that did it was the loss of my father when I was 34. Nothing prepares you to lose someone you share that bond with, that incredible tight relationship. Dad and I had arguments all the time, and I was often frustrated by his behavior, but when he died I was lost. It felt like somebody had thrown me off a boat, and I was dogpaddling desperately as the ship sailed away. Paddling and paddling and wondering how to even find the shore.
Now I realize that what I had to do was simply float. The harder I paddled and swam and exhausted myself, the worse things were.
I'm speaking in metaphors of course.
(I just realized how funny my metaphor is - since I am Cancer the crab, a water sign, water is very important to me.)
Other losses have rocked me over the years, but losing Dad was really the catalyst for the necessary character-building that had to happen.
I am so not the same person I was in 1987.
One of the joys of life now is putting Lola on her leash and walking. When I get home from work, I just want to be outside, after being cooped up all day.
Another joy is talking to Mother. We have some great talks. I would be a far more uptight person and a much more inept parent if it weren't for her wise counsel.
I told Michael recently that Granny is his greatest ally and advocate, and he just grinned. What a blessing she is to him, and how he is going to miss her when she's gone. He has no idea.
Being in an office with younger women has caused me to reflect a lot in the past week. I recognize and remember how I was, from observing them. I am the "old lady" and that's kinda weird. I still remember my first job, and being the youngest person in the office. I remember being blissfully unaware of all the curveballs life was going to throw at me. That's OK. It's good, in fact. I probably would've started drinking heavily if I had foreseen it all.
What I sort of wish I could do, though, is travel back in time and counsel the 25 year old me that watched Broadcast News for the first time. I would have so much to say to her. I would be full of advice about taking things more slowly, and saving money rather than spending it, and making sure to shut up and listen to my dad rather than arguing so much. But would 25 year old Dee listen? Would she do anything differently? Probably not.
I'd probably just be appalled at the fact that I am still not skinny. (Below, me around 1986 with Molly..)
When I feel regrets coming on, though, I immediately stop and remind myself that the twisted, messy roads I have cursed sometimes have also led to being a mom to Michael, and I don't want to change anything that would negate that. If I'd gotten married young and had biological children I wouldn't have adopted my kids. I wouldn't have traveled to Russia and Kazakhstan and experienced those cultures. I wouldn't have met some of the fascinating and wonderful friends I have now. Would I be more happy?
Maybe. I doubt it. I just would have different problems.
Do I get tired of dealing with a teenager and an 80 year old? Do I hate dealing with menopause? Do I miss old-fashioned job security? Do I get tired of worrying about how to pay bills? Absolutely.
The burdens weigh me down sometimes and I just want to take a day off and stay in bed -- but I keep going. Like the song says:
"This much I know is true. God bless the broken road that led me straight to you."
Life hasn't turned out the way I thought it would. I haven't walked through it alone, though. Love has been all around me. Love has sustained me. Friends have kept me going many times. Mom has always been my rock. When I get tired and discouraged, God sends me signs -- all the time -- that he is with me, and I CAN keep going.
It's rare that I see a movie and cannot stop thinking about it later, but that's the case with the movie I saw yesterday, The Good Lie. Reese Witherspoon features prominently in the ads for the movie, but her role is actually a supporting role. She doesn't have much screen time.
However, her role is pivotal in the story, and she gives an excellent performance. Her character isn't all that nice, but you don't hate her.
The actual stars of the movie are unknown actors, Arnold Oceng, Ger Duany, Emmanuel Jal, and Kuoth Wiel. They play young adults who leave a refugee camp in Kenya after 13 years and travel to America.
I read a review that said something about this movie being Reese's version of The Blind Side, which is not a valid comparison at all. That movie was about a wealthy white family adopting a black teen. The Good Lie is really focused on the children, and there is no white person in the film rescuing them.
The first 45 minutes or so of the film, we see the children in their village and the soldiers who come and kill their parents and others. The children walk, alone most of the way, first to Ethiopia and then to Kenya, a journey that takes many months and causes the deaths of some. I was literally sitting on the edge of my seat during those scenes. They are remarkably tense. The child actors are amazingly talented and natural.
When they come to America, I was still tense. I know what it's like to bring a child to America who has almost never ridden in a car or eaten in a restaurant, or slept on a bed with sheets. I was instantly aware of the huge cultural divide between the Africans and the American culture, where outdated food is thrown away by grocery stores rather than given to the hungry.
My friend who saw the film with me got a little weepy. I got tears in my eyes a few times, but I couldn't really give in to emotion or I would've started sobbing uncontrollably.
I have been to orphanages and looked into the eyes of children who will never have a real family, or a chance at a decent life. If I let myself dwell on those experiences I won't be able to function and take care of my family. Sometimes in my darkest moments I castigate myself for not doing more. I adopted two children. I did my best to help them. My son is going to be fine. My daughter... I hope she will be OK one day, after she learns some more life lessons. I wish I could've done more.
Doesn't matter if we're talking about African children, or white Russian children, or ethnic Kazakh or mixed race children. Children are children.
Here's something most people never think about, most Americans anyway. Surviving tragedy and emotional trauma always leaves emotional scars on children. Always. Some can cope better than others. We see that in the movie, some of it. They don't just come to America and instantly everything is cured and they are deliriously happy.
I don't mean to give the impression that this movie is all sad and depressing. There are moments of laughter, healing laughter.
I want to promote this film in any way possible. I want it to find an audience.
The film does an incredible job of showing the stories of the Africans and their struggles. It's not focused on "white folks helping black folks" - although they are helped by faith-based groups. It's about the Africans themselves. White characters are not the main ones.
If you like human stories, stories that are real, about people -- as opposed to cartoon characters where something explodes every 10 minutes -- you will love The Good Lie.
Movies are an important component of the American culture, and I love to ponder the ways in which movies influence our lives. However, there's often a major difference between movies that heavily influence and/or delight one generation and what influences and/or delights the next generation.
For example - my mother has always loved the 1942 movie Mrs. Minniver, a drama about a British family dealing with World War II. Mom remembers WWII very well, and I think that's why the movie resonates with her. I saw it years later and thought it was rather silly and phony. The fact that Greer Garson later married the actor who played her son also tainted my view of the film - not fair, but it did. (There was a subtextual ICK factor there...)
Another example...
I remember 1976 very well. I started high school that year. Everyone was getting into the spirit of the movie Rocky. Sylvester Stallone was a new face and although not conventionally handsome, it was the classic underdog story, and everyone loved it. We could all relate to Rocky's story because everyone has felt like a loser at one time or another. He probably single-handedly popularized the sport of running because before that I don't remember anyone running for fun. You only ran in gym class, or if you were late to catch the bus. We also liked the movie. We also loved the fact that it was also essentially Stallone's story -- Hollywood outsider writes, directs, and stars in a huge hit.
However, it hasn't held up all that well, years later.
My friend Cindy LaJoy showed the movie Rocky to her kids recently. Here are some of the comments she got from her kids: "I can't understand a thing he is saying!!" [her youngest son said] "I just don't get boxing at all. Why would anyone with half a brain want to get into a boxing match with someone and get their face bashed in? That just doesn't seem like a smart thing to do voluntarily."
Different generation. Different perspective.
I remember when the movie The Exorcist came out, in 1973. It was a big budget, slick Hollywood horror movie. Most horror movies in those days were low budget things, not flims with big stars and popular music. Plus, The Exorcist was a major event when it was released. People were fainting and having heart attacks in the theaters. Religious folks were condemning it because there's a lot about God and Catholicism in it. Everyone was terrified by that movie. I wasn't allowed to see it. When I was in college, I finally saw it on campus and found it pretty scary, but by then I'd seen a few other horror movies that were more sophisticated and slick, and The Exorcist seemed rather quaint and dated.
Skip ahead to about a year ago when I showed Michael The Exorcist. He thought it was idiotic and silly. NOT scary. Not at all. In fact, he found the slow pacing rather boring and was more interested in playing a game on his phone. (Maybe that's why movies today have to have huge, over-the-top violence and explosions and all - they are competing for kids' attention with so much other stuff.)
It's rare to find a film that multiple generations can enjoy and appreciate, year after year.
I was watching a terrific but rather underrated film the other night, The Bucket List. It deals with something we will all face one day, death. It asks some big questions about life and death and relationships. It has a lot of truth in it. It's also very funny, in spots.
Another wonderful and enduring film is The Color Purple.I have seen it countless times, and it still affects me every time. It's not just about racism, or cruelty, or perseverence. It has so many themes in it, and it emcompasses so many human issues that everyone can relate to.
Finally, there's one of my favorite films of all time, Local Hero. It's set mostly in Scotland, about a small town that a big company wants to buy and destroy. It's got a lot of subtle humor, and every time I watch it I giggle at something different.
In the end, the movies that I think last and will be valued 100 years from now are not the ones with the biggest explosions or the biggest box office returns. I think they are the films that illustrate issues and values shared by all humans - love, death, courage, sacrifice, family.. These are the big themes, the ones everyone can understand.
I haven't seen many movies recently but I saw a movie today that I just love. There is nothing better than a great story about real people. The new movie Chef is that kind of movie. [OK, so the characters are fictional, yes, but they seem real.]
Nothing blows up. Nobody gets shot. There are no sex scenes. [There is a bit of cussing but nothing I would call extreme...]
Here's the plot: A chef who loses his restaurant job starts up a food truck in an effort to reclaim his creative promise, while piecing back together his estranged family.
Jon Favreau [who wrote and directedf] plays the title character. He is amazing. I found an interview he did where he said he went to school to be a chef, so that everything he did in the movie would be authentic. He sent his co-star John Leguizamo to cooking school too - John Leguizamo said all he did was scut work and he tried not to hurt anyone... [which I don't believe]
The movie is ostensibly about a chef with personal problems but it's more. The chef's relationship with his son is the key one in the movie. The actor who plays his ten year old son is AMAZING. He doesn't seem to be acting at all. Very natural.
The supporting cast is jaw dropping. Scarlet Johansen, Sofia Vergara, Robert Downey Jr., Dustin Hoffman...
One aspect of the film was really amusing and touching, and it's the role of Twitter in the movie. The chef, Carl, gets into a tweeting war with a food critic and loses his job, and that sets up the premise of him then owning a food truck. The son tweets about the food truck and helps publicize the business.
After seeing this movie I desperately wanted to go eat Cuban food, and I don't particularly like it. However, I did come home and put a pork roast in the oven...
This is a sweet, funny, engaging little movie that deserves a wide audience. I want to see more movies like this. GO SEE IT!
I was fixing dinner last night, cutting up a cantaloupe and eating chunks of it at the same time, and listening to the news. That's my typical cooking mode - listening to a TV show while working, and glancing at the TV which is in the next room.
The newscast was interrupted by a bulletin. I've rarely seen that happen in my life, but when it does, it's always because a tragedy has just occurred.
- what Robin Williams??! -- was dead? I could hardly believe it.
Michael was late to dinner. I was cleaning up when he finally came in. I was sitting at the table with him a moment later and he took one look at my face and asked what was wrong, thinking I was mad at him. "Robin Williams died today, Michael. I feel like I've lost a member of my family," I said quietly, and started crying.
I immediately thought back to around 1978, when he had a standup special on HBO. I was at a friend's house watching it, helpless with laughter.
I always watched Happy Days, and I remember him on there. I never missed an episode of Mork & Mindy, even though I thought it was very uneven. When Robin was onscreen it was terrific.
He was here in town not long ago, for his tour Weapons of Self Destruction, a horribly prophetic title. The tickets were very expensive, but now I wish I had eaten beans for a week and taken Michael to see him. Video can't compare to live comedy.
Michael and I watched my DVD of Moscow On The Hudson last night. Michael liked hearing the Russian language, and said he understood a lot of it without reading the subtitles. Robin Williams studied Russian for months to try and sound as authentic as possible.
My friend Cindy Bodie wrote a terrific post, A Family's Loss, on her blog. She has seen her kids battling depression. It's a chemical issue in the brain, not a moral failing. Suicide is such a tragedy. We've had suicides in my extended family in recent years, and with the grief comes anger. Anger at ourselves. We couldn't prevent it. We didn't see it coming. We are always caught unaware and the grief is so much sharper when overlaid with guilt.
Two of my classmates I grew up with committed suicide before the age of 25. I realized when I heard the news that I had seen the sadness in their eyes before they died, but I simply didn't ever dream they would end their own lives.
Michael had an older brother in Kazakhstan, Sasha, who was 15 years older and practically raised him. What love he got as a small child, he got mainly from Sasha because their birthmother was an alcoholic and seldom around. Sasha hung himself. Afterwards, the birthmom really went off the rails, and a couple of years later Michael landed in the orphanage.
Clearly Sasha's death is something Michael has never forgotten. Michael wants to get a tattoo memorial to him.
I doubt there are many families in America who haven't been touched by suicide in some way.
A lot of the reports are leaving out the fact that Robin had heart problems, and had undergone surgery a few years ago. Heart issues trigger depression. My dad had a heart attack when I was in college and I remember vividly how much it affected him. For the first time in his life he really grappled with mortality. For such a vigorous, vital man, it was very scary.
Robin, I am sure, is happy now, in heaven. I hope he can find time to hang out with my dad - he sure made Dad laugh many times. That would be way cool...
Some years ago, about 1991 or 1992, I read a terrific book called Outlander, by Diana Gabaldon. I remember clearly getting it at the library and thinking it looked like a romance but the plot sounded better than most. I was desperate for something to read. Normally I didn't read romance books.
Outlander is a BIG book, though. I started reading it and read the entire book within a few days. I was enthralled. It's about a woman who travels back in time to Scotland during the 18th century clan wars.
I have read all the books now, except the latest one. The story of Claire and Jamey is fascinating.
Sometime in the mid 90's I had the chance to hear Diana Gabaldon speak, at a gathering of writers. She was amazing. She is a professor in real life, and very personable. She's probably a genius. I remember being awestruck by her, and then getting a line for the ladies room and suddenly, she was there in line! She is no taller than me [5'3 or so] and so down to earth.
Now Starz has made a miniseries of Outlander. I watched the first episode on YouTube this afternoon. Of course the books are more detailed, but the story is very true to the book, so far.
My only quarrel is there are some, er, racy scenes that I could've done without.
Overall, though, I am impressed with how well this has been done, and I urge you to watch it on YouTube if you don't get Starz.
When I was a little kid we didn't listen to pop music in my house. My mother played classical music or show tunes on the Hi Fi.
Dad liked a variety, including Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass, Trini Lopez, and later he got into country music when we moved to Tennessee. Willie Nelson was a favorite.
Dad told me not long before he died that his all time favorite performer was Frank Sinatra.
In the car, we most often listened to Muzak type stuff that didn't bother Mom. In the car with Dad, it was either nothing, or country.
I remember when little transistor radios came out in the late 1960's and we thought they were way cool - the idea of a tiny radio you could carry around? That ran on batteries?! WOW. My parents didn't let me touch the stereo until I was about 9 years old.
Anyway, all that is to explain why nobody in my house knew James Brown.
In the late 1960's, Dad was with First National Bank in Augusta. The main office was downtown. One day he walked out of his office, which was just off the main lobby, and noticed all the tellers were excited. There was something in the air. He noticed it immediately and asked somebody what was happening. "James Brown is in the bank!" he was told.
James Brown already had songs on Top 40 radio. He lived in Augusta for most of his life. (I lived there from 1962-71.)
Dad had no idea who James Brown was, or that he was even an entertainer. James came walking through the lobby and the tellers went nuts. Dad walked over and shook his hand. "Nice to meet you, Mr. Brown, is there anything I can help you with today?" Dad asked.
I don't know the extent of the conversation, but only later did Dad realize his brush with celebrity.
When I was a kid, and on subsequent visits back to Augusta to visit family, I never met James Brown. All I knew was that whenever we drove by his mansion, somebody would say "There's James Brown's house!" I knew he was a singer, but nothing else. (I listened to The Carpenters and John Denver...)
I know he and my aunt [who was a bit of a leadfoot when young] got into a little race through the streets of Augusta one day. Fortunately, there was no accident.
Only when I grew up and saw Eddie Murphy imitate James Brown, and saw James in the movie The Blue Brothers, did I appreciate him.
Only after I grew up did I discover Diana Ross, Stevie Wonder, The Temptations, Marvin Gaye, and all the great soul and R&B performers from the 60's and early 70's.
Below, James in his heyday.
I can't wait to see the new movie Get On Up, which is the autobiography of James Brown.
He had a very wild life. He was married 3 times and had a lot of children. He was arrested numerous times. Considering his childhood and where he came from, none of that is surprising. What remains is the music and his legend.
Spring is in full gear now and it's just delightful to see all the signs of it - the flowers, the azaleas starting to bloom, birds everywhere. It's also the time when Lola actually deigns to give in and do something less human and more dog-like:
Yep, I got up this morning and found her asleep in her own doggy bed, her face cradled on my sandal.
Needless to say, she rarely sleeps on her dog bed. She usually prefers a human bed, or a couch. I don't remember putting my sandal on her bed.
Aside from enjoying the weather, there's not much to report. Things are pretty quiet and uneventful.
Michael is off next week for spring break, and I am already daydreaming about all the projects around here that he's going to help me with...
I saw a movie the other day I had been wanting to see for a while, Inside Lewyn Davis. Love the Coen brothers, but man this one was a strikeout. The music was nice, most of it...
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