The Crab Chronicles

Storytellers at a Dinner Party

The older I get the less I crave travel or seeing sights and the more I crave the company of interesting people, and/or my friends. Human interactions are far more fascinating to me than any natural or man-made big deal thing. I have no interest in going to the Grand Canyon, for instance, but I would love to listen to someone tell stories about it. My uncle Lewis Thompson took an extended rafting trip down the Colorado River and then wrote an account of his trip and to me that was enough, because I felt as though I had made the trip. He always wrote great stories about his travels, and he was a terrific storyteller in person, too.

I saw an interview with the historian Doris Kearns Goodwin where she was asked which three storytellers she would invite to a dinner party and she said Abe Lincoln, FDR [Franklin Roosevelt], and LBJ [Lyndon Johnson]. Excellent answer. I would love to be a fly on the wall at that dinner party!

It got me to thinking about storytellers -- admittedly a favorite topic of mine.

I have been richly blessed to come from two incredible storytellers, my mother and father.

Mom told stories liked she breathed air. They just came out of her naturally, and they always had a point and were often funny. She lived with me the last fifteen years of her life and told me a ton of stories. Many of her stories about her parents were used to make the characters vivid in my book Return to Marietta. Maybe that's why I love stories and anecdotes, because they certainly make it more fun and easier to write my novels. Her memoir, Singing to the Cows contains most of the stories she ever told and it's very entertaining.

My father was a terrific storyteller, too, and his stories were the most entertaining when he was around his brothers, telling stories about Hephzibah, their hometown. For more on those stories, check out my piece Cordelia's Giggle on Salvation South's website.

Back to the point of this blog. This sentence intrigued me:

You’re organizing a dinner party. Which three storytellers, dead or alive, do you invite?

I'm going to not say my parents, just because they are the obvious answers. Truthfully, I would give anything in the world just to be in their presence once again for an hour, because I still miss them both.

"My wound is geography. It is also my anchorage, my port of call." - Pat Conroy

I would definitely invite Pat Conroy. I have read everything he ever wrote, because he was a masterful storyteller. He also loved to cook and I would fix seafood just for him, probably a shrimp dish I memorized years ago, plus fresh asparagus and some kind of pasta dish because he lived in Italy for years. I would make fresh pasta. For dessert, something simple like peach cobbler or pound cake, or maybe both.

"It really is possible to disagree with someone's politics without hating them. Grown-ups can do that." - Molly Ivins

It really is possible to disagree with someone's policies without hating them. Grown-ups can do that
Read more at https://www.brainyquote.com/authors/molly-ivins-quotes

I would have to invite a journalist, and Molly Ivins was incredibly sharp and witty. I was really sad when she died. I didn't always agree with her politics but I had great respect for her. I would fix her a steak and baked potato, and whatever kind of alcoholic drink she preferred. I'd probably make a pecan pie for dessert.

"A lot of movie stars are not great actors; they're just very good-looking. And when they start to age and they don't have the looks any more, then it's over." - Michael Caine

Michael Caine would be my third dinner guest. He is 91 years old now, but he knows how to tell a witty and/or interesting story. I have seen him on the Graham Norton show telling stories and he is wonderful. He did an interview a few years back where he talked about being evacuated during World War II and living on a farm. For him, I would serve some fresh vegetables, perhaps Brussels sprouts -- and homemade blueberry muffins, which are one of my specialties.

I am quite sure it would be a rollicking good time, and I would record it and watch it over and over.

below, an occasion when my dad and uncles were telling stories to us in 1974

The BEST Thanksgiving and the WORST Thanksgiving

When I was a kid we had two kinds of Thanksgivings, the ones with the extended family and the ones with just the four of us. Over the years we would sometimes get together with my mom's two brothers and their families for Thanksgiving, but not every year. 

Left, about 1968 or '69, with my aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents. I am in front wearing blue pants and a red jacket.

The holidays with the extended family were always fun, because my mom and both aunts and my grandmother were all wonderful cooks. Nobody has ever equaled my mom's homemade dressing, as I explained in an article for The Cook's Cook a couple of years ago, Enjoy Elva's Cornbread Dressing. I was unaware there was anything other than cornbread dressing until I was almost grown. One year when it was just the four of us, Mom made a small pan of oyster dressing in addition to the standard one. It was delicious, but not something she did every year. In addition to the dressing, the Hasty Thanksgivings also included the standards: turkey, gravy, mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, pies.

The BEST Thanksgiving was in 1970, when the family gathered at Amicalola Falls in North Georgia, and rented a cabin in the mountains. I slept on the floor in the main room with my cousins, in a sleeping bag, but I didn't mind. I got to play with my cousin Linda, and my brother played with Bill, her twin. We were all happy to be together. The food was marvelous, too, of course.

One of the highlights was my uncle Don showing all of us a cassette tape recorder. In 1970 that was hi tech, exciting stuff! He worked in the corporate office of GE and always got to use the latest techno wizardry. He recorded all of us kids, and some grownups, talking about the weekend. Years later, he and my aunt found that tape and had copies made and sent a copy to each family. I still have it. It's one of my most prized possessions. A few years ago I played the tape on an old boombox and I recorded a snippet of my grandmother's voice and it's stored now on my desktop, where I can listen to it any time. I love hearing her voice again.

Linda recently sent me a copy of some of the home movies her dad made that weekend and I got such a kick out of seeing those. I had forgotten that I was a Hot Mess. I am constantly turning cartwheels and jumping around and pretending to be a ballerina. I had forgotten I was such a lively kid.

My grandmother was a prankster, all her life, and I never really knew that until that weekend. The second night, she announced she was going to bed early, then snuck out of the cabin and went to her car and put on some old clothes and a wig and hat, and then came and knocked on the door, cigarette dangling, and asked my cousin Robert for a light. (She wasn't a smoker, in reality.) Always polite, he said "I'm sorry I don't have one, but maybe my dad can help." My uncle Bobby appeared, took one look, and knew it was Memaw. He kept bending down to see her face, and she kept dropping her head down because she didn't want him to see it was her, which was pretty hilarious (we all agreed later) because Bobby was 6'3 and Memaw was 4'11! I stood back and watched it all, fascinated. Years later, long after Memaw had died, Mom told me of some of her escapades as a young girl and even as a young mother, including dressing up as a vagrant for Halloween, with a friend, and playing practical jokes on all the neighbors.

The summer before that had been particularly awful for our little family. My mother had been in the hospital, very ill with blood clots in her legs, Daddy had to have emergency hemorrhoid surgery, my brother had been horribly bullied at school, and I had been sick with pneumonia for 3 weeks. Thanksgiving with the family was a welcome change.

The Thanksgiving in the mountains was the last time all of us would be together with my Memaw and Papa Hasty. We didn't know it then, but in January of 1971 our family would move to Knoxville, Tennessee, and be about 4 hours' drive from my grandparents, and my uncle Bobby and his family. About 18 months later my grandfather would die, as a complication of surgery on his hip.

In the coming years there would only be a couple of get-togethers of all the Hastys, as the distances were too great, then of course all of my generation grew up and scattered across several states.

So that was the best Thanksgiving.

The worst Thanksgiving was actually comical, in hindsight.

My brother married a lady who I won't name here but she was very strange. I think she was Bipolar, or something. She was always making crazy plans that she insisted would come to pass but they never did. After my father died, around 1997 or 1998, my brother and sister in law came to my mother's house in Augusta for Thanksgiving. They had no children, but two dogs, who came with them, all in one car. Mom and I were there, working on the big meal to be shared that night. We were all in the kitchen, talking. Sis said that on Christmas she and my brother would be in Colorado, either in a hotel or camping. That struck me as odd because my brother hates camping, and Colorado is a long way from South Carolina.

After my sister in law made her bizarre announcement, I looked at my mother, and she looked stricken. Mom always wanted her children home on Christmas -- the only time she was really insistent on that.

I said "Have you all made reservations? Booked flights?" I suspected it was just another wild idea. Oh no, she said, but it was going to happen. I said "Well couldn't you just wait until the day after Christmas maybe? or before Christmas, so y'all could be with us on Christmas Day??"

"But we want to go to Colorado for Christmas!" she insisted. I looked at my brother's face, and he looked super annoyed, like this crazy plan was news to him.

"I'm not saying don't go, I'm just saying be flexible with the dates," I said.

I wasn't yelling. I wasn't visibly angry, just annoyed. I knew my mother was on the verge of tears, anticipating two holidays being ruined by my sister in law -- a new record, for her.

Instead of engaging in a discussion, sister just screamed at me "You are SUCH a BITCH! We're leaving!" and she grabbed her two dogs, and her car keys, and hustled out the back door. I had never seen her move that fast. My brother looked horrified.  "I'm sorry, Mom. I would stay but I'd have no way to get back to Columbia," he apologized. He had to literally run out the door, as his wife was already backing down the driveway. He told us later he had to yell at her to get her to stop so he could get in!

So that year it was just me and Mom, and Mom was very upset. I think we ended up just eating canned soup or sandwiches.

Fortunately, a couple of years later my brother divorced the Crazy Lady.

The one really good thing to result from that awful Thanksgiving? I never saw my sister in law again. Haven't see her since, and that was about 25 years ago. I hope I never see her again. My brother divorced her but they stayed friends. They still occasionally meet for lunch. She actually had the nerve to tell him she wanted to be friends with Mom again, about 15 years ago. Brother mentioned it when visiting us. Mom said NO WAY. She had welcomed my sister in law to the family and treated her like her own child, but when Elva was done with someone, she was DONE. She never forgot, did forgive eventually, but was quite capable of cutting someone entirely out of her life when they didn't act right.

I think sis was/is mentally ill, and my brother eventually came to agree with me. I did exact a little revenge though, as only a writer can. In one of my books there is a character that is a total screwup, an obnoxious young woman who acts like a ho, and I gave her my sister in law's name.

To all y'all out there, I hope your Thanksgiving is lovely, and you are with family and/or friends. It will just be me and my son, and that's fine. We will just eat a lot [pork roast, as we aren't wild about turkey] and watch movies all day.

Check out my new novel Dancing in the Wreckage, on Amazon

How to Get Kids to Eat Vegetables

I was the world's pickiest eater as a kid. I only really ate two green vegetables, green beans and plain lettuce. I would also eat green peas but in my mother's eyes that didn't count. Nor did green Jello. I tried to get her to bend the rules many times when we were at a cafeteria and her command "Get at least ONE green vegetable!" seemed really harsh and unfair.

I guess I was lucky, though. I had an aunt who helped her kids' plates until they were in high school. At least we had some choice in the matter.

My mother believed kids should eat vegetables, and drink a glass of milk at dinner every night, and we should eat meat. She told us there were four food groups and it was important to cover them all, every day. The four groups were meat, dairy, grains, fruits and vegetables.

Now, if Dad was out of town or there was some special occasion going on, she would bend the rules. If fish were being fried, she was okay with us eating fried fish and hushpuppies. Pizza didn't have to have veggies on it.

My brother would cheerfully eat almost anything. He was the opposite of me.

All this is to say that I am sort of puzzled by moms today who have conniption fits about their kids eating vegetables. It's not really a hard problem to solve. I was lucky because my kids came from countries where the attitude towards fresh fruits and vegetables was: wow, what treats! They didn't have the grocery stores filled with fruits and veggies in the dead of winter.

Adults give signals to their kids all the time and if the unspoken signal is Hey I know they are horrible but you have to eat your vegetables because they are good for you, so do that chore already...

Nope nope nope. Here are 3 ways to get your kids to eat veggies.

1. Parents, act like vegetables are WONDERFUL! They are AWESOME! What a treat!

That's the first step to getting your kids to eat veggies. Treat fresh vegetables as though they are highly prized. Forget about saying things like "eat your veggies or you won't get dessert!" Say IF you are good I will bestow upon you the magic that is fresh broccoli!

2. Quit giving them a bunch of choices. At any meal, tell them they need to eat up or go to bed empty. If they don't want to eat anything say fine. See you at breakfast. Then enforce it. let them go to bed hungry. It won't kill them.

3. Make the food they get delicious. Don't just give them veggies with no seasonings! My mother tried to get me to eat boiled brussells sprouts or boiled broccoli, without any seasonings. YUCK. I wouldn't eat them then and I still won't.

Buy fresh minced garlic in a jar, and garlic salt or powder. Buy onion powder if your kids refuse to eat anything with cooked onions. Find veggie recipes that involve seasonings, butter, and cheese. Remember: almost any veggie will be scrumptious if you add bacon and cheese.

Below are some ideas.

Make dipping sauces of ranch dressing and fresh parmesan and let kids dip veggies.

Spinach -- de-stem the fresh spinach leaves and toss them with balsamic vinaigrette dressing, dried cranberries, walnuts, and blue cheese crumbles.

Cauliflower -- boil until soft then mash it up and add a cup of mayo, a spoonful of mustard, and some cheese. 

Brussells Sprouts -- halve them and saute them in olive oil after dousing them liberally with balsamic vinegar, garlic (powder or fresh) and salt and pepper.

Green beans -- cook them in a skillet and add either balsamic vinegar and garlic OR barbeque sauce OR melted cheese

Cabbage -- buy what's called coleslaw cabbage and saute it in oil, then add soy sauce, onion powder, garlic powder

Pumpkin -- when fixing spaghetti or anything with tomato sauce, add a can of pumpkin puree. It will taste like tomato.

Squash -- saute in butter and throw in fresh garlic and/or chopped up bacon.

Broccoli -- see recipe below. I used to hate broccoli. I will eat this all day long.

 

Golden Broccoli Casserole

[Brenda Gantt recipe]

4 cups broccoli                                                                  1 cup mayonnaise

½ an onion, chopped                                                          1 cup grated cheese

½ - ¾ stick butter                                                             Ritz cracker crumbs [optional]

1 cup cream of mushroom soup                                           2 eggs

Steam or boil your broccoli to desired tenderness. Saute the onion in the butter until soft. When broccoli is done, drain it in a colander, then place it in a 9x13 pan or casserole dish. Add the mayo, soup, and cheese to the onion/butter mixture and stir well. I like to add minced garlic, seasoning salt, pepper, etc. Beat up eggs and stir them in carefully so they don’t cook. Mixture should just be warm. Spoon the mixture over the broccoli and cover as well as possible. Top with crushed Ritz crackers, or if you’re watching carbs you can do more grated cheese.

Bake at 350 until top is bubbly, about 30 minutes.

#freshvegetablesforkids, #veggieskidswilleat, #strategiestogetthekidstoeatvegetables, #veggierecipesforkids,

Mayonnaise Recipes

My mother had a very strong faith in God and she passed that along to me, thanks be to God. She also had a strong faith in the power of mayonnaise to make whatever one is eating more tasty and it's that belief that I want to explain today.

She had a great influence on her grandson. The other day my son was fixing a beautiful steak for himself, and he mixed up mayo and horseradish to form a tasty sauce for the steak. He works in a restaurant. He is fearless in the kitchen, far more adventurous than me, which I applaud.

My son loves a good fried egg sandwich with Duke's mayo.

Duke's Mayonnaise is the only type of mayo allowed in my home. It's simply the best -- not just my opinion, but in the opinion of most southerners. 

When I was eight years old and we moved to Knoxville TN my mother discovered, much to her horror, that Duke's was not sold in K-town. Much sadness and gnashing of teeth and wailing... She bought Hellman's and it was okay. Not good. Not Duke's. It was better than nothing, though, put it that way.

Duke's is so superior to most mayo that one must simply feel pity for those without access to it.

Below are some ways to use mayo [it's quicker to type out "mayo" than "Duke's" or "Hellman's"] that you might not have thought about..

 

POTATOES

Butter, salt, and sour cream are the standard potato additions, but Mom used to peel and boil potatoes and toss them with some mayo, onion powder, and garlic salt. You can also add a dollop of mayo to mashed potatoes.

There is a trend now of making potato salad without mayo. I tasted some once. Then I had to go brush my tongue to get the taste out of my mouth.

 

SAUCES

Take mayo and add real parmesan cheese and onion powder or whatever seasoning you like, and it makes a great topping for potatoes, and/or a great dipping sauce.

 

FISH

1) Baked Fish: slather mayo on your fish, then sprinkle on dill weed, and top with slices of lemon or lime and bake

2) Sauce: mix up mayo, fresh lime juice, lots of dill weed, onion powder, and stir vigorously. We also add a sprinkle of Lawrey's seasoned salt. This works great slathered on most any kind of cooked fish or used as a dipping sauce.

 

CHICKEN

Unlike my mother, grandmother, and generations of fine cooks before me, I stink at fixing fried chicken. However, I have figured out a way to fry chicken tenders that is super easy and tasty.

Take your chicken pieces and salt and pepper both sides and let them sit in a pan or on paper towels on the kitchen counter for at least 30 minutes. Put 2-4 tablespoons of mayo in a dish, and add your chicken, and let it sit in there a few minutes. Pull out eat piece and roll it in seasoned breadcrumbs. The mayo helps the breadcrumbs stick to the meat. Saute in olive oil.

If you don't have seasoned breadcrumbs you can take Ritz crackers and crush them and add in Italian seasoning, and garlic and onion powders.

 

CORNBREAD

Don't laugh. Lewis Grizzard's mama added mayo to the cornbread and it makes it more moist and delicious.

For all cornbread, hoecakes, and corn muffins, we use Lewis Grizzard's mama's recipe:

1 1/2 cups White Lily self-rising cornmeal

1 egg

1 cup buttermilk

2 heaping spoonfulls of Duke's mayonnaise

pinch salt [no sugar!]

I would put this in a pan and bake it at 350 for about 20-40 minutes, depending on the size of the pan. I would also fix this like pancakes and add syrup or honey. Yum.

left, my mom in the kitchen of our lake house in Knoxville

 

right, me and some of my Hasty cousins in the kitchen of our Leslie Drive house

 

 

 

 

 

#mayorecipes, #mayochickenandfish, #dukesmayoisthebest, #mayodippingsauces

Tips for Caretakers of Elderly People

I spent 7 years taking care of my elderly mother, and I learned a few things from that experience -- the hard way. Nobody told me much. I just had to figure things out. I never trained as a nurse or CNA. Taking care of her as she slowly declined taught me a lot -- particularly about kindness, dignity, and compassion.

So here in no particular order are some things I learned.

1) Take away the car keys sooner rather than later. You can reassure your senior they will get rides to where they need to be. It's SO important.Mom had an elderly friend who nearly killed a car full of kids because her reaction time was too slow and she stubbornly refused to stop driving. You can call an Uber for someone else, if you cannot take them where they need to go.

2) Don't try to exclude your kids from helping. Any child over 10 can help with caretaking for a senior and its a good thing, trust me. It teaches them patience and kindness. My son was a doll when it came to taking care of his granny, even when he was struggling with substance abuse issues. He adored her. They were very close. He could lift her in and out of her wheelchair when I couldn't manage. He could pick up prescriptions so I didn't have to leave her. He could just sit with her for an hour so I could have a break. He fixed her computer and Kindle countless times when her shaking hands messed up something. She called him her "knight in shining armor."

3) For years I carried around two things in my purse: a list of Mom's medications including name, dosage information, and prescribing doctor. I also carried a copy of her durable healthcare power of attorney [aka "living will"]. More than once I had to hand those to EMTs or nurses to copy. A typed page of her medical history was also helpful. When I called an ambulance for her the last time I just ran and copied everything and handed the packet of papers to the EMT. He was impressed. I couldn't go to the hospital with her because of Covid. She died four days later.

4) Most seniors have incontinence issues. My mom slept on an incontinence pad for a couple of years before she passed. Sometimes they were hard to find. A "puppy training pad" is the exact same thing and most bigger grocery stores carry them.

5) My room was upstairs and my mom's room was downstairs. Sometimes in the night she needed me. We tried lots of different ways for her to call me -- yelling, walkie talkies, bells, whistles. Finally, we got a baby monitor. It worked best, but she got up several times a night so I had to learn to sleep through that noise.

6) Eventually, food didn't taste good to her. I found that a carton of Greek yogurt was easy on her tummy and her teeth and she started eating it daily for breakfast.

7) Sometimes at night she would wake up screaming and/or crying from the pain of leg cramps. Her potassium would be depleted due to diarrhea because she had IBS. What helped was to let her drink a glass of tonic water and eat good old salty Lay's potato chips. Potatoes are a great source of potassium, better than bananas. It also helps to gently massage the place that's cramping. Those things work much quicker than taking a potassium pill, trust me. We tried both.

8) She stayed at home and seldom went out the last few years because of a host of physical issues. It was important for her to connect with friends and family, though. She didn't see her older brother for years before she died because he was in a nursing home in NC and neither one of them could travel during their last few years. We would do phone calls, though, and those really helped her. Also, calls to old friends were vital to her emotional well-being. Her hands got so bad she needed help dialing the phone. A couple of times my cousins and I were able to set up video calls, and those were a true blessing.

9) The last few years of her life, Mom was plagued with UTIs [urinary tract infections] and I had no idea that those could cause dementia-like symptoms and even hallucinations, plus general weakness. The issues lingered for a while after each UTI, and weakened her. She wore heavy pads due to incontinence and those were the problem. Women can have surgery to repair leakage and we should have urged her to do that. Hindsight.

10) After Mom died, I realized with deep regret that I didn't have but two tiny 5 minute videos of her telling stories. I should have taken more! We talked every day and she was a wonderful storyteller. I just wish I had recorded more audio and videos, just to feel like I could visit with her after her passing. I really cherish those videos now, of course. You may think there is time but don't wait, act! Trust me, when your mom or dad or grandma die, you will really regret not having more of them on video.

11) Drinking straws that bend are a godsend. Her hands were weak and shaky the last few years, and we put straws even into hot coffee.

12) Computers are a blessing. Mom loved her computer. She sent out funny emails, spent time on Facebook daily, and even learned to Google. She googled everyone she knew. Yes, as her hands got worse she would "mess up" the computer a lot, but it helped her feel connected to the world and kept her brain more agile than if she had just been staring at a TV.

I am very blessed that she liked to write blogs, and she wrote a blog for years, with my help. After she passed, I collected her best blogs into an anthology and it's available on Amazon, Singing to the Cows.

I still miss her every day.

#caretakingforasenior, #caringforaparent, #tipsforcaretakers, #elderlyissues, #learningtobeacaretaker

Thanksgiving Dinner for People Who Don't Cook

If you don't like to cook but you don't want to eat out on Thanksgiving, here are some tips.

 

1) Honeybaked Ham sells sliced turkey, and it's delicious

 

2) Stovetop Stuffing: replace the water with bought chicken broth and use twice as much as the box says, and throw on the butter

 

3) Bob Evans makes pre-made mashed potatoes and you add lots of butter and cheese and nobody cares that they are bought

 

4) Skip the green bean casserole. Take canned green beans and drain them, then throw them in a skillet with lots of balsamic vinegar, onion powder and garlic powder, or fresh garlic if you want to go to the trouble. Cook ten minutes.

 

5) Skip the cranberries. Most people don't like them. My mom bought canned sauce every year, ate a few bites, and then we threw it out.

 

6) Buy a frozen pie. Edwards pies are awesome, ditto for Mrs. Smith's pies.

It will just be me and Michael this year so frankly, this is likely what we will do. Happy Thanksgiving!

 

Now, if you want to make a pie that is super easy and takes 5 minutes, here you go:

 

Myrtle’s Pecan Pie

3 eggs                         1 cup Karo syrup

¾ cup sugar              1 cup pecans

Dash salt                    ½ teaspoon vanilla

Beat eggs with a whisk but don’t get them foamy. Add all other ingredients. You can use light or dark Karo syrup.

Many people use whole pecan halves but we usually give them a rough chop.

Pour into a 9 inch pie crust and start in a cold oven. Turn oven to 350 and bake 1 hour.

 

#thanksgivingeasydinner, #easypecanpie, #dinnerfornoncooks, #nostressthanksgivingideas, #noncookingthanksgivingideas, #easystuffing, #supereasythanksgivingdinner

Funeral Food

I was chatting with a friend the other day and we talked about the Southern custom of taking food to the family when someone dies. I didn't know until well after I was grown that in other parts of the country that's not done. People may actually hire caterers to provide food after a funeral. Wow.

In the South this is sort of how it goes. Phone rings. Mama answers. "Hi, oh dear. Bad news. Oh no. That's terrible. Is everyone at the house? Okay, let me look in the freezer and I'll be over there in just a little while."

My mother often made extra food -- chili, spaghetti sauce, soup, etc. -- and froze it. When something happened, i.e. a new neighbor moved in, a family welcomed a new baby, someone died -- she pulled it out of the freezer, thawed it, and took it to the house.

Sometimes that would generate stories.

A cousin of Dad's lost her husband and she wasn't really a cook but she had a number of grown children, so Mom bought a beef roast, and carrots and potatoes, and slow cooked everything in the crock pot, then took it over. She put everything in a large pan on the stove and turned the burner to low. The cousin told her later it was such a nice gift because nobody else brought anything that first day, and as her children came in they would get a plate and eat, and because it was a substantial amount of food, Mom's food fed like a dozen people over the course of the evening.

I'm sure the next day they were inundated with casseroles, cakes, etc.

When my grandfather died in 1972 he and my grandmother had just moved to a new house in a small town where they had never lived before. We all wondered what food might be brought over, if any. My grandmother's brother had lived in that town for many years, so as it turned out a lot of people took food to the house. Unfortunately, nobody brought over any meat. Lots of casseroles and cakes but no meat. Mom ended up buying something and taking it back to the house. I don't recall if it was fried chicken or ham, or what it was. In 1972 options were limited.

That experience led directly to Mom pledging to always take meat to the house when someone dies.

When my father died in 1996 we got tons of food at the house -- a dizzying array. Most of it was given away to family members, because we couldn't possibly eat it all.

A lot of fried chicken came into the house, and a lot of it was awful. Unless you can deliver really well-made, delicious chicken, take something else. If you don't cook, grab a bucket from KFC if that's the only option.

The greatest food gift came from a neighbor my brother and I didn't really know. Mom and Dad knew her and her husband, who was a judge. I was outside when she came walking up the driveway and she handed me a bag and we chatted a few minutes. She said rather apologetically "It's nothing fancy, just some mac and cheese." She left, not realizing how thrilled I was to hear the words "mac and cheese." I quickly walked into the house and found my brother and we had a whispered conversation about her wonderful gift.

She had made wonderful mac & cheese -- the real kind -- and divided it up into 4 of the little aluminum loaf pans you can buy at the grocery store. What made that gift so perfect was that it was simple comfort food -- nothing fancy or elaborate. We decided to freeze two, eat one and hide one in the fridge. Brother and I ate one that night. It was delicious. The other two were thawed out later and enjoyed. By giving us something easily identifiable and homemade and comforting, she was so brilliant. I thought using the little loaf pans was really clever. Right after someone dies, you are inundated with food and overwhelmed with grief. When things calm down, weeks or months later, it's lovely to have delicious food to pull out of the freezer and enjoy. To me, mac and cheese is almost a one dish meal.

We had seen so many strange casseroles brought to the house from well-meaning friends, and so many platters of veggies and sandwiches. It was July, and of course it was Augusta so it was really hot. One lady brought by a platter of sandwiches from a fancy food shop and they were covered with edible glitter. They were not really any better than the sandwiches from the regular stores, but after a few hours of being poked at and handled the edible glitter made the sandwiches look really bizarre and unappetizing.

So the lesson to be learned from this blog is simple: when someone dies, take mac and cheese! [unless there's a lot of lactose intolerance in the family]

#southernfuneralcustoms, #funeralfoodinthesouth, #southernfood, #adviceforfuneralattendees, #realmacandcheeseisbest

Not Mama's Meatloaf

As a child, you couldn't pay me to eat meatloaf. My mother loved green peppers and onions and every bite of her meatloaf was full of both. I wouldn't touch it. I would eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich instead.

When I became a mom and had to start cooking real dinners every night I figured out how to make meatloaf I liked, and my kids would eat. Below is that recipe. It's included in the little cookbook I published, What's for Dinner, Mom? -- which came out just a few months before Mom died. She had been after me to publish my own cookbook for several years and I'm so glad she got to see that done.

 

Meatloaf, Baby!

1 lb. ground sirloin                1 large egg

tablespoon Soy sauce             1/4 cup red wine or Sherry

1 cup breadcrumbs              tablespoon olive oil

Onion powder                         Garlic powder

1 Tbsp. Ketchup                    teaspoon baking powder

 

One of the keys is to NOT use cheap meat, like ground chuck. Use ground sirloin. Yes, it's a tiny bit more pricey, but it's worth it. One of the criticisms of beef is that animal fat is bad for your heart. I like to buy the leanest ground beef possible, and add some heart-healthy olive oil to my meat mixture.

Another key is if possible, let the beef sit out on the counter and warm up before you start making the meatloaf. I don't know why, but all beef should be room temp before cooking. Makes it more tender.

I like to get a mixing bowl and put my meat in it and leave it under a towel for a while to warm up, then I add my eggs and baking powder first, to be sure those ingredients are in there.

My mother's trick for making meatloaf great is to add in lots of flavorful liquids, until the meat is pretty soggy. You don't want dry meatloaf.

I recently started adding Italian seasoning to my meatloaf. Gives it more flavor.

Once the meat mixture is ready, I just dump it into the pan and form a roughly rectangular shape in the middle of the pan. I then cover the top with either ketchup, or toothpick in some slices of bacon. I bake at 350 for about 30-45 minutes. 

 

Last night I made a version of meatloaf that used that same basic recipe, but improved on it a great deal.

I saw a recipe yesterday for a chicken breast stuffed with bacon and spinach and I thought yum, what a great idea, except I HATE handling raw chicken so we don't eat it that often.

So I made my usual meatloaf recipe, but then I set aside the meat mixture and started in on my filling. I cooked about 5 pieces of bacon in a skillet, then took the pieces out and put them aside. I took about 3 cups of spinach and sauteed it in the bacon grease, and added about 2 tablespoons of butter, lots of garlic and onion powders, and about 2 tablespoons of fresh Parmesan. (I should have chopped up some actual onion, but I was too hungry...)  I then chopped up my pieces of bacon and added them back in, stirring everything together. I took half my meat mixture and formed it as I normally would, and put the  filling on top. I then took the rest of the meat, formed it into what looked like hamburger patties, and carefully placed it on top of the spinach and bacon and kind of pinched the "burgers" together to form the top layer. The photo below on the right shows the meatloaf before it went into the oven.

I cooked it on 350 for about 40 minutes.

WOW was it delicious! I had some pre-made Bob Evans mashed potatoes and I ate a serving of 'taters, I must confess, but meatloaf just needs mashed 'taters on the side. I have been sick with pneumonia for a while so it was great to eat something that wasn't soup out of a can.

Here's a photo of the cooked meatloaf, and I must confess I had eaten a couple of pieces before I took the photo. I also included a funny photo of fresh spinach. I had left the bowl [piled high] on the back of the stove, forgetting how hot my stove top gets, and the spinach totally wilted. No biggie. I thought it was funny. I will still eat it.

#bestmeatloafever, #stuffedmeatloaf, #spinachandmeatloaf

Food Rants from a Major Foodie

As I've gotten older I've learned to be really laid back about most things. I just don't get worked up about most things the way I did when I was younger, and that's awesome. Keeps the blood pressure down. However, I must admit that my passion for food, menus, recipes, even cookware, also includes some rant-worthy opinions.

Buckle up, because when I rant, I like to go full tilt. Otherwise, why bother?!

I threw in some hashtags because, why not?! They are fun to write.

 

Chewy Pasta

I got into a ridiculous argument on social media recently with a guy who took issue with the fact that I believe that pasta should be cooked longer than the package directions say, because soft pasta is far more delicious than "al dente" pasta. He said the pasta would be mushy if cooked too long. He was guessing on that. He admitted he didn't know how to cook! He didn't back down even when I said my grandmother always cooked her pasta 3 times longer than the package said and her mac & cheese was out of this world delicious. I have eaten it many times. I actually wrote an entire guest blog about it, Mac and Cheese for Easter. Years ago I had incredibly wonderful homemade pasta at an Italian restaurant and it was very soft. So don't tell me it should be chewy. aldentepastasucks, #pastashouldbesoftasababyscheek, #chefsarewrong, #mymacandcheeserocksandyourssucks

 

Hot Fried Chicken

My memaw made the best fried chicken in the known universe and my mama made the second best. I would smell it cooking in the electric skillet and inevitably burn myself trying to eat each piece before it cooled down. Now the trend is to make it so spicy hot that it sets your mouth on fire. WHY?!? Why would anyone want to eat like that?! If you want to do that to wings, knock yourself out. There was a place in Knoxville years ago where I liked to eat because they did hot and spicy wings, and their other specialty was ice cream, which I thought was brilliant marketing. After setting my lips on fire I was more than ready to slurp on some ice cream. Ruining a lovely chicken breast or leg with nuclear hotness is just wrong, though. #hotchickenisstupid, #memawschickenisbest, #friedchickenshouldnotmaimlips, #memawisflippinginhergrave

 

Shrimp Tails

I just watched a video of a delicious shrimp and crab dish on Facebook and the chef left the tails on the shrimp. OMG that's my pet peeve! I love shrimp. There is no reason to leave the tails on! Just because the "experts" on the Food channel say leave the tails on, guess what?! You don't have to leave the dadgum tails on! Every time I get shrimp at a restaurant and I find tails on I want to just throw a nuclear hissy fit. #shrimptailsareevil #notailsonshrimpever #banthetails #donotbeashrimptailslave #thinkforyourself #tailsonshrimpareacommieplot

 

Spinach Stems

I never liked spinach as a kid but now I love it. A local restaurant in Tucker makes a spinach salad I adore, with fresh spinach, toasted walnuts, dried cranberries, red onions [which I pick off], gorgonzola cheese crumbles and a balsamic vinaigrette. Problem is they leave the stems on the spinach! I have to sit and se-stem every leaf or I can't enjoy the salad. Is it silly? Probably. The salad is world-class delicious, but sometimes I don't order it just because I don't feel like de-stemming. #stemsonspinachsuck, #donotruinagoodsaladwithstems, #popeyeneverdealtwiththis

 

Cheese

As I have gotten older I've developed a condition called lactose intolerance. I can do fine with a teaspoon of butter or 1 slice of cheese. I avoid heavy cream, cream cheese, ice cream, etc. I seriously envy people who don't have tummy issues after ingesting heavy dairy. Why is it so many food videos show heavy cream, cream cheese, etc.? Isn't there a better way? I've researched this a little bit. I refuse to grind up nuts. Coconut milk is a natural laxative so no thanks. Scientists need to get to work on this, asap.  Will skinny cows give lowfat milk? Why not?!? #lactoseintolerancesucks, #creamcheeseisevil, #heavywhippingcreamcankissmyass

It was hard to think of a good photo for this post, so I am going with an old standard. That's my great-grandfather William Dozier Hasty and his prize cow

 

 

Delicious and Easy Salmon

I used to hate salmon because so often when I had it, it was dry and/or bland. A few years ago I discovered a way to cook it that's neither dry or bland, and is super easy.

Publix makes a bourbon salmon that is very yummy. I must admit I hate bourbon. Never drink it.

However, the bourbon salmon filet is delicious. The flavor is not overwhelming. A teetotaller would not find it too "alcoholic" tasting, I guarantee. I don't drink.

The easiest way to prepare it, in my view, is this: take the filets out of the wrapping paper and put them in a shallow dish. Fill the bottom of the dish with good orange juice. I like Simply Orange. Cover the top tightly, either with a lid or with foil. Pop it into a 350 degree oven for about 30 minutes. The orange juice steams into the fish, keeping it moist, and the flavors complement each other.

You can also just put plain salmon filets into the orange juice and bake. In that instance, I would recommend making Elva's Sauce, recipe below. I didn't put measurements because I always just shake in what looks right, and taste.

Elva's Fish Sauce

1/4 - 1/2 cup Mayonnaise [we like Duke's]

fresh lime juice [we love lime because it's sweet and has no seeds]

dill weed

onion powder

Lawrey's seasoning salt

Mix everything together in a small bowl. Go heavy with the dill weed. Taste and adjust seasonings to your taster.

Side Dishes

If you're like me and you live alone, you have no interest in spending a lot of time preparing meals, but of course healthful meals take some preparation. I love yellow squash and zucchini but I hate washing and peeling and chopping it. (I quit eating peel years ago when I had a bout of colitis).

My trick is to buy fresh spinach or coleslaw cabbage, heat up some olive oil and garlic, and saute away. Adding in a splash of balsamic vinegar or low sodium soy sauce and onion or onion powder enhances the flavor as well.

I know fresh spinach is disappointing -- it shrinks to nothing in a hot skillet. When I am watching TV at night after dinner I often sit and de-stem the spinach and pull out any weird looking leaves, and stick the perfect spinach leaves into a bag. The next day it's easy to grab a hand full of leaves, saute them for a moment, and pull them off the stove.

I am trying not to eat carbs but if you eat carbs, I suggest picking up a tub of pre-made mashed potatoes. I like Bob Evans mashed potatoes. Microwave with some butter and garlic and yum.

#easysamonrecipes, #easysidedishes, #freshspinach