The Crab Chronicles

Lola Speaks

Mother and I get such a kick out of Lola. She is our lovey baby and a great source of comic relief. I do not ever again want to live without a dog.

Mom is out of her arthritis medication, almost. So I called the pharmacy this morning and they said they would have to fax the prescription refill to the doctor, to get a new prescription, and if I want it expedited to call the doctor's office.

OK, no problem. Mom's doctor, who specializes in geriatric medicine, is named Dr. Taylor Graves -- irony abounds over there at his Emory office... Mother couldn't think of his name this morning. "Think of an open grave," I said, trying to be helpful [snicker snort].

"Oh Lord..." was her reply.

So I finally reach one of his nurses and we talk about the medication. While she is looking up the online records, Lola is sitting right next to me whining because she wants a bite of Mother's toast.

Mother likes to eat toast with jam every morning, after she finishes her eggs. Lola wants it. Lola never gets that. I usually pacify her with Milkbones.

Despite her utter failure at ever getting Mother's toast, she still likes to beg. Lola has an entire repertoire of whines, barks, snuffles, yips - quite a cacophony.

I had been talking a minute when Mother suddenly realized that since I had the doctor's office on speakerphone, the nurse could hear all of Lola's entreaties. So Mother suddenly said "TELL HER THAT'S THE DOG, NOT ME!"

I chuckled. "The odd sounds you are hearing are NOT my mother, but the dog." I held the phone closer to Lola for a second.

The nurse started laughing and nearly dropped the phone, I think.

The rest of the conversation, the nurse was giggling. She asked me what kind of dog Lola is, etc. I said to Lola "Tell this lady hello" and held the phone down near her mouth. She yipped and then sneezed violently.

I was tempted to say the old Monty Python line "I empty my nostrils in your general direction!" - but I figured the nurse probably wouldn't get the reference, and might even think I was nuts.

I hung up and gave Lola a Milkbone and she hushed. She also got to lick crumbs off of Mother's plate.

Later, she will walk outside several times, take 5-10 naps, and possibly try to eat a tomato out of the garden...

In my next life, I want to be a dog...

 

Meditating With Lola

I am beginning to think we are getting a recap of last summer's soggy weirdness. Last summer it rained all summer. This summer started out well, but in the last few days we've gotten a LOT of rain.

I've not had to worry about watering the pot plants or gardens. That's a good thing.

I walk outside and I can hardly breathe because the humidity is so high. Yuck. It's like one degree off from being actual rain materializing in the air.

I met my temp job boss for a late lunch yesterday, at my favorite Greek place, Grecian Gyro in Tucker. I had Greek potatoes and Spanakopita. YUM. (I had already had an Aidell's chicken sausage with Mother earlier, because I needed some protein.) Work is slow right now, which is why I am home, but there's a possibility of more temp work in the near future. Yay.

I am trying to meditate a little bit every day. I have to be lying down when I try it because I usually fall asleep. Obviously, I would not make a good Buddhist.

So late yesterday afternoon I am lying down, and Lola keeps playing a game called: Prevent Dee from Meditating/resting. She barks hysterically for a minute, then comes and jumps on my bed like COME ON!

I didn't follow her wishes. She had just been outside.

Finally, she jumped on the bed and barreled over to me, stared into my eyes and licked my face. I told her if she would lie down and quit acting crazy I'd give her a tummy rubbing.

She complied, and I was able to rest a bit, and meditate. Oddly enough, rubbing a dog's tummy is relaxing and helps one to meditate - if it's a female dog. I guess it's sort of like counting beads for Catholics.

Mike is good about tummy rubs

The Big Day Recapped

Some years ago, don't ask me how many, Michael was in the car and we drove past The Vortex -- the one at Little 5 Points [the Haight Ashbury of Atlanta y'all] -- and he said "I want to eat there!" What boy wouldn't? The door is a giant skull and you go in the mouth to eat in the restaurant. Click on the above link and you'll see what I mean.

I had to explain that because they allow smoking in there [gasp!] that he would have to wait until age 18 to eat there.

So yesterday was his birthday. My friend Gary came to town and we all went down there to eat at the Vortex. Well, the area is so popular that now you have to pay $5 to park near there. I don't care about that but Michael was steamed. A couple of weeks ago he and some friends went to Little 5 and parked in the wrong place and the car got booted and he had to pay $50 to get the boot removed. What a racket. Taught him a valuable parking lesson, though...

I digressed.

So anyway, Michael had babysat my friend Nicole's kids yesterday morning and we had to go to lunch late. I thought that was a good thing, a very good thing. How crowded will The Vortex be in the middle of the afternoon? I [foolishly] thought.

Answer: very crowded. As in, people huddling outside the door, waiting to be called in.

I walked inside and asked how long it would be before our party of three could be seated. An enormous black man glared at me. A woman with a piece of metal sticking out of her nose informed me it would be 30-45 minutes. I asked if we could get a beeper. "No, we will just step outside the door and call your name" I was informed.

ACK. All the good memories of eating at The Vortex in past years instantly vanished.

I was feeling peckish. I hadn't eaten since breakfast, and when my blood sugar drops I feel weak and sometimes dizzy. I should've had a mid-morning snack but I didn't because I had to get Mother to the hair salon.

I asked Michael what he wanted to do, while Gary walked down the block to Savage Pizza to see if there was a wait there. He returned and informed us there was not, so we walked down there. I had not eaten there before.

Well honey, despite the peculiar name Savage Pizza was a great place. I told the girl at the cash register my dilemma and instantly she returned with many packages of crackers and a coke. I made my way to the table and Gary had ordered a huge Greek salad. We all split that, and then had a fantastic Greek pizza:

"Garlic tomato sauce, feta, artichoke hearts, Greek olives, red onion, fresh spinach, mozzarella and parmesan cheeses. Anchovies at your request."

YUM. So, so tasty. AWESOME crust, too. [We skipped the anchovies.]

Michael had a royally honored birthday. His babysitting boss [my friend Nicole who has 3 kids, 1 adopted from Russia] paid him extra and brought him a small cake. Yesterday evening, two of his friends dropped by with really nice presents. Mike was out with other friends, but so be it.

Mother and I had leftover pizza for dinner, a win win for me since I didn't have to cook. I will tell you the secret to re-heating pizza properly: don't use the microwave. Take a big skillet with a lid and put a light coating of olive oil on the bottom, then place the pizza slices on there and put the lid on. Wait 5-8 minutes. The pizza should be perfectly re-heated and not rubbery.

Lola was totally into the birthday fever. Michael had a birthday cake I had made for him on Friday, a sour cream pound cake [thanks cousin Jan!] and he wanted a piece for breakfast yesterday - hey that was fine with me, since usually I can't get him to eat breakfast. I cut a piece and put it on the table yesterday morning, and when I wasn't looking Lola snatched it off and ate it in one gulp. Later yesterday, the cake was on the dining room table in a cake carrier and she managed to nose the lid off and take a bite out of the cake. ACK. Then I had to take the cake and put it on the middle of the stove, the only place in the kitchen besides the microwave where she can't get it.

That's the issue with having a very loooooong doggie who is very smart.

The weather was really unseasonably cool yesterday - hi of 79 or so, after a lot of rain. I found a 5 lb. zucchini hidden in the enormous plant.

Anyway, the day ended with Mike getting a tattoo. Yes, in addition to the ear gauges he now has a tat. It's my name, in calligraphy lettering, on his left arm. It's bigger than I would like but how can I fuss about it?! Short answer, I cannot. He's 18.

I told him to please get a tat that could be covered up in a job interview and he agreed to that request and complied with it. I also warned him to go to a clean place and check on the walls for the certificate from the health department. He went to 2 places before he found one that looked clean enough to suit him.

I hope he doesn't get any more tats or piercings, but it's out of my hands. He's still adorable. And no matter how big he gets, to me, he will always look like this photo, made on the occasion of his 11th birthday, his first one celebrated with us:

My Baby is Legal

Hard to believe my baby is 18 years old! Wow. Seems like just yesterday the judge in Kazakhstan said he was mine and I gave him a big hug and said in Russian "Now I am your mama!" -- I had been practicing that phrase for months.

He has come so far, and yet he is still a smart, sweet, funny boy. Excuse me, man..... legally.

Now he shaves, drives his car, has a bank account and a job. Seems like just yesterday I was quizzing him on his multiplication tables.

Above, this was a few weeks ago when we went to a play.

Below, in Kazakhstan in 2007.

It's a bleak rainy day here, and he is babysitting this morning, but we will be going to lunch later, and having a little family birthday party tonight. He went ice skating with a bunch of his friends last night, and went to the movie with friends the night before -- so the celebrating has been happening for two days already!

I made him a sour cream pound cake yesterday. Of course, Mother and I had to sample it last night.. I put a piece of it on the table this morning for Mike to eat before going to his babysitting job, and Lola snatched it off the table and ate it the minute I turned my back.

She said it was delicious.

He had another piece for breakfast. Hey, getting him to eat ANYTHING for breakfast is a feat!

Happy Day my darling boy!

Growling at Those We Love

Bruce got in yesterday and we have had a very relaxed, laid back weekend. The heat has been rather odd for May, upper 80's, and we're not used to it yet.

Michael had an in-service lifeguard training this morning at 8:30 and then he had to work from noon-4 so we didn't see him much.

When he did come home he was coughing a lot. I can't tell if he's getting sick or it's just allergy. He's had the cough for a while but it's bad now and the allergy medication isn't helping. We may have to go the doctor Tuesday.

Bruce brought us a couple of cans of Cento crushed tomatoes. I am not a big fan of canned vegetables, but the nice thing about Cento is tomatoes are the only ingredient. The Cento products are natural. You can taste it. Yes, they are more expensive, but it's worth it.

We made spaghetti sauce in the crock pot and it was awesome. I also served sliced eggplant, dipped in Italian seasonings and breadcrumbs and fried in olive oil. Yum.

We got a good thunderstorm late this afternoon and it drenched the flowers for us.

These are three of my favorite folks:

Lola is so funny with Bruce. She adores him, but she growls at him, too. I found myself saying this afternoon "Don't growl at the garlic powder!" because she was NOT happy about him cooking.

Magic Magnets

Nothing much going on in my world except I am insanely busy and the To Do list just seems to keep growing.

Michael had to sit still in the lifeguard chair yesterday for 3 hours right after school, and he came home in an insanely bad mood. It was contagious. That's all I have to say about that.

There is a tiny bird who has decided that hopping around my front porch is her favorite activity, despite Lola trying to eat her.

Lola ate a tomato wrapped in pink plastic wrap a few days ago. She pooped out the plastic the other day. Freaked me right out. I thought her intestines were coming out. Then she saw kids walking down the street, got excited, and stopped pooping. The plastic was hanging out of her butt with a little poop ball on the end. The more she wagged her tail and jumped around , the more wildly the little poop on a rope swung from her butt. I had to work hard to keep her from running away, so I couldn't video it, but trust me, it was funny.

I saw a job ad for someone to make gourmet chocolates. It said  "Must be interested in the culinary." I was tempted to send in a resume with a photo and say DO YOU SEE HOW MUCH I LOVE CHOCOLATE?! but I figured they probably get in tons of resumes like that... [pun intended]

It's going to 87 here today. That's a weirdly hot day in May, even for Atlanta.

I know this will sound wacky but it's real. Anyplace on your body that hurts, take a small magnet, just like a fridge magnet, and place it on the sore spot. Tap it 50 times with your fingertip. It makes the hurt go away. Arthritis in your knee? Sore back? Headache? Tap with a magnet. It can be a really weak little magnet you buy at a crafts store. Tapping the magnet WORKS. [However, those magnetized bracelets don't. You must tap in the magnetic power.]

I have no idea WHY it works, but it does.

A Different Kind of Day

Some days are a gift. Today is one of those days. It has been a lovely, cool day and I got to spend part of the day with my son.

Last night we heard dire warnings of tornadoes in the area. There is a band of tornadoes moving across the south. After dinner last night Michael and I moved all my delicate potted plants back against the house.

Then this morning we wake up and... nothing. Storms last night but I didn't wake up. Lots of little branches down in yards, debris, but nothing huge.

Well, except at school. I was hollering at Michael to get going, get ready for school, and texted a friend, because Mike said there was no power at school and no point to him going. So my friend said her daughter heard there was no power and they were sending kids home. Bg tree down near the high school. So I told Michael unless I hear the power is restored, you can be home today. What point would there be for him to go and sit in the cafeteria doing nothing? I doubt they had even half the students there today.

So Michael and I went to Resurgens Bank and chatted with them this morning, and opened up a checking account for Michael. He starts work as a lifeguard soon. The people were SO nice. Everyone was nice - customers came in and were greeted by name. It's a small bank, only one location. My neighbor across the street had said "Tell them you know me!" and I did - and the officer we spoke to remembered her last name and her kids' names! Michael and I were both impressed with that. 

For people in my age group they offer:

• FREE Personalized Checks
• Competitive Interest
• No Minimum Balance
• No Monthly Service Charge
• No Per Check Charge

This bank clearly understands that personal service is paramount to customer loyalty. My dad was a banker for 35 years and he taught all his folks that lesson. I am going to go switch my acocunts next week. Wells Fargo is horrible. Loved Wachovia, but they are no more.

Mike and I did a lot of talking about the importance of a bank account and managing his money. I am not great at money stuff but I want him to do better.

Then we went to Goodwill and found some books for Mom and a silk tie for Michael - for a few dollars. Love shopping there. [Ha - I am actually better than I used to be about managing money. I never go to regular retail stores any more...]

The sun has been out now most of the day. The 100% rain prediction was... mistaken.

We came home and Mike had to pick up the baby. She weighs 50+ lbs. He weighs about 125. So it was quite a feat!

here's hoping the weather won't turn rotten again tonight...

Open Concepts

We were blessed with a beautiful day yesterday [sunny, high 75] and I was able to get a lot of flowers planted, which is good for my soul. As soon as I get the front patio cleaned up I will post a photo.

Lola decided she wanted to stay with me and not go in the house. That would be fine except I can't hold the leash and plant flowers. As I was putting her inside the house, she bolted and went trotting straight for the road. ACK!!

I hollered at her, tried to stay calm, and finally just stopped. Lola looked back at me, tail wagging. By then she was in front of the neighbor's house.

I tried not to have a heart attack.

Finally grabbed her collar, and then I had to walk bent over all the way back to the house, holding her collar.

Whew.

As soon as we can afford it, we will be fencing the back yard.

I did so much yard work I was too exhausted to cook, so we ordered pizza. It's a bit extravagant, but then again we had half a pizza left over, and Mike will eat it for breakfast, for several days.

He ate a huge dinner, and fell asleep before 10. We just got a ton of clothes for him from my cousin, and I just had a thought: he may outgrow them soon.

Irony. Love it.

**************************

I have become a bit of an HGTV junkie, and I watch Property Brothers and Love It Or List It a bit too much.

Just once, I'd like to see SOMEONE on HGTV tell a realtor "I HATE open concept kitchens. I want lots of small rooms, lots of walls. Oh, and I NEVER entertain."

I bet this bird is saying "I'm so over this whole Open Concept thing!"

[photo by Linda Hasty Harris]

Hot Young Lady Responds to Personal Ad

There are some funny ads on Craigslist. I was reading job ads under the Writer category and stumbled across an ad by a guy named Steven who SAID he wanted help writing a Match.com profile. He insisted the folks helping him should be attractive females - what that has to do with writing skills, I don't know. So I responded to his ad with my reply below, on behalf of Lola, who is the lovely young female in our house at the moment.

Hi Steven! My name is Lola. I was so happy to see your ad. I am very discerning when it comes to the guys I want to go out with. I prefer guys that smell like steak, but if you are a cute vegetarian and like long walks, I might consider you. I attached the photo you requested, and another one that's a little naughty but shows off my cute bod.

 

I am sort of puzzled why you'd want to see a photo of a gal when all you want her to do is evaluate your Match.com profile and help you write, but hey, I'm game!

So, to address your requirements:
You must be single -- YEP! no boyfriends at the moment

Caucasian -- actually, I am a tri-color! Once you go Tri, you never go back!

Attractive -- I am often told I am beautiful! I have dramatic eye makeup and black lips!

Enjoy the company of men -- yes! men tend to take me on longer walks!

Between the ages of 30 and 45 --I am not sure exactly how old I am but what is age anyway?! It's just a number! Two year olds have more fun!

You must be comfortable with your own sexuality -- absolutely! Plus, I've been spayed so I can have LOTS of fun!

Have enjoyed dating before -- I've sniffed some butts of some mighty cute males...

Have a good sense of humor -- of course! You should see mom shriek when I drool on her new shirt!

And obviously have ample reading comprehension skills -- well, picky picky. I am illiterate, but hey, Mom likes to read to me. 

 

STEVEN: If you've read this far you are a good sport. I have three pieces of advice. One, you obviously are a decent writer. The first two paragraphs of the Craigslist ad will attract quality ladies. Two, don't use the words "healthy" and "attractive." Those are code for "no fat chicks." If a woman responds and you don't like her photo, skip to the next lady.

 

Finally, there are lots of ways to mingle with singles in the Atlanta area. There is a group called Events and Adventures. There are mega churches with singles groups. Volunteering is good too. Get out and meet people everywhere, even old ladies like me - we often have cute nieces/neighbors/friends, etc.

 

Good luck in your search!

Dee

 

Dreaming

Spring is in full gear now and it's just delightful to see all the signs of it - the flowers, the azaleas starting to bloom, birds everywhere. It's also the time when Lola actually deigns to give in and do something less human and more dog-like:

Yep, I got up this morning and found her asleep in her own doggy bed, her face cradled on my sandal.

Needless to say, she rarely sleeps on her dog bed. She usually prefers a human bed, or a couch. I don't remember putting my sandal on her bed.

Aside from enjoying the weather, there's not much to report. Things are pretty quiet and uneventful.

Michael is off next week for spring break, and I am already daydreaming about all the projects around here that he's going to help me with...

I saw a movie the other day I had been wanting to see for a while, Inside Lewyn Davis. Love the Coen brothers, but man this one was a strikeout. The music was nice, most of it...