The Crab Chronicles

Danny McBride, Selling Out and Selling Southern Stereotypes

I was in my 40's before I realized, much to my horror, that the rest of the world looks at southerners with something like benign contempt, if not outright disdain. I have been watching an HBO show called The Righteous Gemstones and it exploits just about every Southern stereotype and throws in Christian stereotypes for good measure.

Now, Danny McBride has written and acted in some highly entertaining trashy TV likes Eastbound and Down, and Vice Principals. My son watched every episode of Eastbound and Down. I watched a few episodes until I realized that my desire to jump through the TV and choke McBride's character to death was causing a spike in my blood pressure which wasn't healthy.

According to IMDB, McBride is from Statesboro, Georgia. He must hate who he is and where he is from to gleefully jump on the ALL SOUTHERNERS ARE RACIST COUSIN-MARRYING IDIOTS bandwagon. Or maybe he just cares a lot more about making money than he does about his people. If he were my brother, cousin, or even old college roommate I would figure out a way to find him in person and slap him repeatedly until he confessed his sins and promised to do better. 

We don't need more stereotypes here in the South, not even new ones. We have enough, thank you very much. Have you ever noticed that Bad Guys in movies usually speak with either a British accent or a Southern accent? Have you ever noticed that idiots in movies and on TV often have southern accents?

Righteous Gemstones is like yet another one of Hollywood's attempts to show how evil Southerners are, particularly Christian southerners. The Gemstones are evangelists with boatloads of money and basically no morals. There's nothing subtle about it. The women have big hair and love to shoot guns and act subservient, and the men like to shoot guns, quote the bible and also consort with hookers and do blow -- then lie about it to their wives, of course. I love John Goodman but seeing him in this mess, sounding like a man with a speech impediment [he really cannot manage even a bad southern accent, bless his heart] is painful.

I must confess I love to laugh at a southern joke as much as anyone else. I can laugh about my people, though, because in a way all southerners are like family to me, and it's okay for family to criticize one another or joke. When an outsider does it, though, it's definitely a HOLD MY PURSE kind of moment.

I feel a great sense of outrage against people like Danny McBride because it seems to me he has sold out on a gargantuan scale, and instead of fighting the good fight, trying to erase the stereotypes, he is simply exploiting them as much as he can. Every lead character he plays is devious, utterly amoral, utterly without ANY redeeming qualities. In order to be what passes for funny these days he steps over the line and then erases it. 

Old TV shows always had a mandate, an unwritten rule, that lessons had to be taught. Evil characters had to either reform or be destroyed. Good characters might screw up but they would always return to being good. Think of every sitcom episode ever, and you get the idea. Was the formula tiresome? Yes, admittedly it was, at times. I stopped watching sitcoms long ago, after Friends went off the air. The newer sitcoms just seem empty though.

Walton Goggins also works with McBride a lot and he's from the Atlanta area. Way to sell out, Dude. I used to really like and admire Goggins.

The only way to combat stereotypes is to erase them, or at the very least not promote them.

Advice to Aspiring Actors and Models

Every once in a while I have the pleasure of hearing from someone I’ve interviewed and I have a chance to catch up with them. I interviewed my friend Jeff Joslin -- actor/model/director/producer, back in 2013 for a Twenty Questions column. Jeff has just written and published a terrific book called Pick Me! Pick Me! -- subtitled “how to break into the entertainment industry with little to no experience.”

Jeff had been a football player and then a businessman when the acting bug bit seriously in December 2005. He decided to pursue modeling and acting seriously, and used his marketing skills to market himself.

I want to interject here for a moment and say, I have acted with Jeff and he is thoroughly professional. In 3^rd grade we were both in a play called Rumplestiltskin. Jeff had a small part as a soldier and suggested to the director that he and some other boys do a Russian dance -- huge hit with the audience. I had the rather difficult character role of The Miller’s Wife. (I was taller than everyone else, and chubby, so character roles were my third grade claim to fame. LOL)

I have been reading Jeff’s book Pick Me! Pick Me! and it has a lot of great information and advice to aspiring actors. Jeff: “My book is aimed at helping people break into the industry if they don’t have much experience. Models and actors will find it helpful.”

One great takeaway is this: you don’t have to be gorgeous to get work. There is plenty of work for people who look ordinary, and there are also “character” roles that need filling. Jeff has actually lost out on occasion because he is TOO handsome and the director felt like he would draw too much attention away from the lead actors. Example: “I was in a scene in Sex and the City and I got moved, and told, “You look too dapper. You’re too good looking for that scene.”

Jeff has been on sets with some very famous people – Richard Gere, Josh Brolin, Emily Blunt, Tyler Perry – just to name a few. That’s one of the perks of what he does.

Jeff had a small but important role in 2012's Madea's Witness Protection. 

He urges folks trying to break in to showbiz to not limit themselves to only acting. Jeff has worked as a stunt man, an extra, even a hand double. As Jeff explains, “I was Steve Martin’s hand double in “It's Complicated.” I was rolling croissants in the bakery because my hands look like his. I was Josh Brolin’s hand double in Men in Black III. They don’t want to waste the actor’s time doing stuff like that so a lot of times they will use doubles.”

The process of getting cast in commercials, TV shows, and films is nowadays easier than it used to be. Jeff does a lot of auditions on digital video, and sends them to casting directors. That has allowed him to live in Orlando since 2015 and still get work, although he is in the process of moving back to his hometown of Knoxville at the moment.

If you want to keep up with what Jeff is doing, like his Facebook page Jeff Joslin Producer/Actor. Jeff has posted some of his taped audition videos on there.

Jeff is a multi-talented guy. In addition to shooting his own audition videos, he has written, produced and directed two films, Fishbait, and The Quarry.

I can't wait to see what he is doing next.

Oh, and just an an FYI -- Jeff has three handsome and multi-talented sons, too, and one adorable grandbaby.

Nothing Is Taboo

Every night between 6 and 7 p.m. I cook dinner and watch the news. Otherwise I would have no idea what is going on in the world.

I have noticed something strange about this particular time period.

Every commercial during the nightly network newscast has something to do with being old. The target audience is all men with erectile dysfunction and women who wet their pants.

I wish I were kidding.

I find this commercial to be particularly annoying:

 

So the subtext here is that if you wear Tena adult diapers when you are singing obnoxiously loud in the car or laughing like a hyena in a theater, it won't matter if you wet your pants.

There's another commercial where a bunch of people are parading around the streets in their undies, celebrating wearing diapers and living life to the fullest.

And all these obnoxiously singing people or dancing people are IN THEIR THIRTIES. I'm sorry but if you are that young and you need diapers, you need to get medical help, not magic undies.

The Cialis commercials are a bit more subtle but what horrifies me is the language at the end.

 

"Side effects may include headache, upset stomach, backache or muscle ache." What if you have all the side effects? Yikes.

"To avoid long-term injury get medical help right away for an erection lasting more than 4 hours."

As one of my guy friends said "If I have an erection lasting more than 4 hours I'm calling all my friends and throwing a party!"

The visual there is frightening to most women.

But what if you have loss of hearing or vision, or rash, hives, swelling of the lips tongue or throat? That will REALLY kill the mood, huh?! If you experience those, or "...difficulty breathing or swallowing, STOP TAKING CIALIS."

Is there anyone out there who would keep taking a drug that renders you unable to breathe? Forrest Gump isn't that dense.

When I was a kid, I would run out of the room in embarrassment if a Tampon commercial came on the TV. Nowadays there are no limits, and it's scary.

There's a new show on TV about couples who have sex in a box and then talk about it. I WISH I were kidding. 'Sex Box' a Reality TV Show is on a network that's an offshoot of American Movie Classics. It's imported from Britain.

I am OK with importing costume dramas like Downton Abbey -- even though I don't watch it. But importing tacky, raunchy shows about people having sex... UGH.

The sad thing is that it seems to me TV crossed a line sometime ago, and there is no more good taste in TV programming. I feel so blessed that I grew up watching Mary Tyler Moore, and Carol Burnett, and All in the Family - shows with talented people involved, and some creativity. I think sometime in the 80's it all started going downhill, and I started watching less and less TV. The last show I watched pretty regularly was Ally McBeal, and it was so unrealistic I snorted derisively many times per episode. It was fun though.

 

I want more dancing babies and Brits in costume, and less talk of adult diapers and erectile dysfunction!

Here endeth the sermon...

 

Odds and Ends

I don't have any earth-shattering news to report, so I thought I'd just throw in some odds & ends here and catch everyone up on what's been happening at the blue house this week.

I went into Michael's bathroom the other day and realized that there is some sort of clear coating on the toilet lid that's peeling in several places.. The lid stays up all the time, naturally, so I never look at the top it. He's supposed to keep it clean. So now I have to buy a new toilet seat. I asked him how long the odd peeling had been there and he just gave me the typical guy shrug, like "who cares?"

Then he was insulted when I asked if he could put a new toilet seat on there. Well, how would I know how complicated that is?!?

*****************************

We were watching one of our favorite shows last night on History Channel, American Pickers. In the show two guys, Mike and Frank, drive all over the country "picking" [buying] antiques for their shop back in Iowa. They are always crawling around junky old barns and storage units and pulling out some old rusted sign or thing I would never in a million years think was worth anything, and then buying it for half what they can sell it for. I am always amazed because I have no clue about antiques of any kind.

So last night, I DREAM of Mike and Frank. They were just everywhere, hanging out with me. I didn't want that. I was annoyed. If I'm going to dream about guys, why can't I dream about somebody like this?! Hmmm?!

Oh my... is it warm in here!?! Jeffrey Dean Morgan I would sooooo like to see you in my dreams, baby...

****************************************

I had to work this evening for a little will, a will signing with Kristy. I am a notary. When I left, the laundry was piled on the sofa, right next to Michael. I had been folding it when Kristy got there. It was all Michael's clothes. I figured he would finish folding it.

I come home 2 hours later and.... nothing has been folded. Nada. The laundry is sitting on the coffee table in neat piles, right in front of him, but he doesn't think to fold what's right beside him.

IS IT A GUY THING OR A TEENAGER THING?!?

****************************************

Pictured about is my great grandmother, Beulah Phillips Butler. She had 12 children. When my mother was in high school she and Granny went to lunch one day at a tearoom in downtown Atlanta, I think the one in Rich's. A couple of handsome businessmen came in and sat down. Granny looked them over pretyt carefully. Young Elva [my mom] was shocked. "Granny, what are you looking at them for? You're too old to think about men!" [Granny's husband had been dead for years]

I love her reply: "I will never be so old that I don't enjoy looking at a good-looking man, Elva." Granny replied.

I come from a long line of strong, funny women!

Addicted to Breaking Bad

I have prided myself on not being a big TV watcher in recent years, partly because I despise "reality" TV and talent shows like The Voice.

"Reality" TV is completely mis-named. It's badly scripted TV with terrible actors. Everything is manipulated by the people who make the shows. It has very little in common with actual reality. The only TRUE reality show is one in which people do not know they are being filmed.

Talent shows like The Voice, American Idol, etc. are agonizingly painful to me to watch. I used to audition a lot for choirs, musicals, plays, etc. and that gut-clenching terror is something no non-performer can even begin to understand. I don't care how talented you are, it's scary. The lights blind you, your heartbeat scares you, the whole situation creates internal havoc. Watching someone ELSE go through that gives me flashbacks to my own experiences. No thanks.

The other day my son pointed out that a lot of people are fairly obsessed with a show called Breaking Bad, on AMC. It stars Bryan Cranston, and I really like him. The premise also sounded kinda interesting: a high school Biology teacher who is diagnosed with terminal cancer and decides to manufacture meth in order to make money to leave behind for his family.

We have now watched [on Netflix] all of season 1 and we are deep into season 2. I am repelled and fascinated, in equal measure.

It's like a car wreck. I can't NOT watch.

I am horrified. Sorta. There are some good lessons to be learned, though, from what I've observed so far.

Lesson? I hear you chuckling.

Yeah. Good dramas teach us something. Great dramas teach us several things.

I like the fact that in a well-written TV drama you see a lot of character development.

These are some things Breaking Bad illustrates for my 17 year old son, some teachable moments:

Really good guys will do desperate things sometimes, if they are facing death: Walt [the teacher] is a mind-mannered guy, but apparently a good guy. Desperate men will do crazy things though.

Bad actions always have consequences: The meth manufacture, the murder he commits, etc. - all are morally repulsive, but they have consequences. Unlike movies, where you don't see the bad results so much, you see the toll this takes on Walter, and how it changes him and his family.

Marriages can't thrive if one person hides a big thing in their life: Walt hides the meth cooking from his wife and it's horrible for her. She knows something is up. I told Michael last night, that sort of thing is really bad for a marriage.

Drugs are terrible: We see the effects of meth on people, their desperation to get it, like the horrible couple in the filthy house who steal from one of the drug runners.They are absolutely morally repulsive. Of course the female is played by my old friend Dale Dickey, which is sort of surreal for me. [I knew Dale in high school when we were in the same dinner theater production of Hello Dolly!]

Chemistry can be really interesting and useful: I know you're saying huh? are you crazy?! but hear me out. Chemistry is something we all should have some basic understanding of, in order to function. We are all based on carbon. I suck at chemistry. Really. So if Michael is predisposed to like it, and not be scared of it, that's a good thing.

I was afraid the series would glorify drug use. I really didn't want to see that. It doesn't. So far.

So I am addicted to this show....

...despite the fact there are no short women on it. All the main female characters are tall and skinny. I CANNOT IDENTIFY.

Still, I will watch more episodes.

Addiction is a terrible thing.

Hey, at least I can admit it...

just for fun, here is a video of Bryan Cranston from his part in Argo, which I thought was awesome [sorry about the F bomb]

 

TV Thoughts

As I guess y'all have noticed, I've been in a prosaic mood lately, wanting to explore some ideas here. I write exactly what I like, and what is rattling around in my head, and the beauty of being a small blog is that I can do exactly as I please. I don't have to answer to sponsors or advertisers.

Today I just want to talk about TV.

I was thinking today, it has been a really tough summer. I have not felt good for months, although just in the past couple of days I can really feel my strength coming back. The incision sites on my abdomen are nearly healed over. Things are finally on the upswing, thanks be to God.

I have long maintained my absolute disgust with most things on TV, I must admit. However, when you don't feel good, TV is sometimes the only option. So I have been watching more TV lately, I will admit.

Michael and I have started to really like a show on the History Channel called American Pickers. I love seeing the stuff they buy, and learning about each object. They are into antiques, but not chi chi stuff - they like old advertising signs, old bicycles, toys, and just plain weird one-of-a-kind objects, like lamps made out of popsicle sticks.

The interesting benefit of this is that Michael has developed a love of old things. He finds them fascinating. When the weather cools down we need to go antiquing. I also watch Antiques Roadshow when I remember it's on, which is usually right after dinner, for us. We typically eat between 7:30 and 8.

Michael also likes Counting Cars, although I am not so wild about that, simply because I am not much interested in cars. My brother watched one of the episodes when he was here recently and he said "You know, a friend of mine now refers to the History Channel as The Macho Channel." Yep, I can see that.

There's an entire show about men who live in the mountains, people who live in swamps, pawn shops, truck drivers. Here's a link to all their shows. There's a new one called The Legend of Shelby The Swamp Man. Great. Another wack job with a southern accent.

Shelby is like Honey Boo Boo's crazy uncle.

I much prefer the Travel Channel. My favorite show on there is Bizarre Foods. You learn a lot about different countries and cuisines. I bet Andrew Zimmern, the host, buys Immodium at Sam's, super-sized.

I also like Monumental Mysteries, because you learn a lot.

anyway, need to do more dishes and kitchen work and less TV watching... this is one of my fave photos of my kids, made right after we got Michael home...

No Subtitles Needed

You can laugh all you want to, but I learn all kinds of interesting things from Facebook. For instance, did you know that Here Comes Honey Boo Boo is very popular in Poland?

I found that Access Atlanta already did a story on this phenomena.

Since I've never watched the show, I found this particularly interesting: "The challenge, the story notes, is how to translate a show that is already subtitled for Americans who aren't used to their heavy Southern accents."

I have no intention of watching the show, but I watched this clip of the mother and Honey Boo Boo on Jimmy Kimmel's show. I am flabbergasted that there are people who couldn't understand their accents. Subtitles?? Really?? I guess if there were outsiders at one of my family reunions they would need a translator.

There's a job for my son. He is brilliant at understanding southern, and he speaks with almost no accent. I always say my poor kids had to not only learn English, they had to learn Southern English.

Bruce left yesterday. He was getting restless. I am fully functional, and feeling better, although not 100%.

I've spent a lot of time the last few days reading, writing, and even watching TV - mostly HGTV and the Travel Channel. Those are my fave channels.

Recuperation means very little blog-worthy material, though.

Here's hoping June will be a better month than May was, for me at least. The forecast is good. I have tomatoes on the vine getting ripe! Woo hoo!

This is a photo of a family reunion I attended around 2000. Mother and Bruce and I are all in there, if you want to find us...

Oh, and NONE of us talk like Honey Boo Boo!!

Babkas and Redneck Businesses

ALl day yesterday I waited for the rain, hoping it would rain really, because I didn't want to have to sit through Michael's tennis match. Yes, I know that sounds bad, but it was really cold and windy yesterday and sitting outside was not appealing.

I did go to the match, and sat there for an hour and a half, and he didn't get to play. I finally thought nope, this is silly. I am going to catch bronchitis. So I went home. Michael lost his match, and I felt like crap about it. Bad mommy. Not sick, but certainly not a candidate for mother of the year either.

I was also in a Facebook argument about gun control yesterday. Isn't it funny how childish one gets when arguing like that?! I almost found myself typing YOU'RE A STUPID IDIOT!! Then they type something, then you, and eventually you must just STOP. Otherwise it's all-consuming. If you are the type of person who just has to have the last word, you're in trouble.

So other than that, there's not much to report.

My friend Judy wrote a whole post about babka. I have never eaten one in my life. I've been to New York several times, just not eaten a babka. I Googled it. Looks like a coffee cake or a king cake with the garish colors. The irony is that I've been to Europe and Russia and Kazakhstan, but not eaten babka. Then again, I've never traveled to California, or anywhere on the west coast of the US.

I wonder if she's ever had a Moon Pie or a hot Krispy Kreme?! Different strokes...

I saw a job ad this morning containing a phrase I've never seen before: Great location in close proximity to restaurants and shops! I've never chosen to answer an ad based on that kind of information. It's really sort of insulting. I should answer it and demand to know how much time I get at lunch for shopping...

Here's the funny ad of the day, though. The show Duck Dynasty is a big hit, so now TV production folks want a copycat.

"Looking for a fun family business - be the next Duck Dynasty!

Looking for a fun multi-generational family with their own business near the water (i.e. ocean, river, lake, pond, swamp). We need outgoing funny characters and an interesting family business! Be the next, most entertaining family shown on TV! Please email us and tell us about your family and what business you have."

I am seriously tempted to send them something like this: "Hi, we's the Jones clan, and we got us a bait stand on highway 49 does real well - we's all living in luxury double-wides. We'd just like them Duck folks 'cept we sell worms. We don't like to shave. We's kissing cousins with them Honey Boo Boo folks. how 'bout it??!"

Then again, we have enough redneck stereotypes to deal with...

Pop Culture Junkies

There are little tiny meth junkies inside my skull with tiny pickaxes running around pounding my face from the inside. Can you say SINUS HEADACHE FROM HELL?!

Outside it's cold and rainy. I didn't run my warm air humidifier last night and I am paying for it this morning.

My mother's friend Carolyn came in yesterday from Augusta and I got up and cooked breakfast and chatted pleasantly and acted perfectly normal while she was here. 

She left, and I took medication.

Obviously not enough.

The tiny insane meth junkies have slowed down a bit and the pickaxes are slightly less dull, but they are still there.

This is after 2 Aleve, 2 Motrin, and half a Hydrocodone [leftover from back problems last summer].

I know you're thinking WOW, Dee is totally overmedicated. I bet she's a zombie.

Well, no. I'm typing, right?

I am short and fat, like R2D2 combined with a meteor, so I can handle more medication than most people. Although, to be honest, at the moment I am scratching my eyes a lot due to allergies, feeling rather out of it, and I am contemplating taking it easy ALL DAY.Thanks be to God for Saturday.

Yesterday, I spent most of the day cleaning the house, because I didn't want Carolyn to think we are total slobs. We are kinda slobby, but not in a "health hazard" way. I was in the home of one of Mike's friends recently and WOW, that lady obviously never cleans. Compared to that place, our house looks like Martha Stewart's place after the maids have just left.

Anyway, my house is fairly clean, and for once all the laundry is caught up.

Today it's cold and rainy and I want to do nothing all day.

LAGNIAPPE

I will share one more funny job ad I stumbled across this morning. The person who wrote this is obviously obsessed, probably to an unhealthy degree, with some show on TV called The Vampire Diaries.I copied this verbatim; no editing. I think the person who placed the ad probably has trouble distinguishing reality from fantasy.They probably need medication.

I like the phrase "pop culture junkie." That's a nice way of saying "couch potato."

Wanted: Obsessive Vampire Diaries Writer and Fan (Atlanta)

Don't lie. All you do is watch TV. Yes, you have a job, but it's not a priority. Vampire Diaries? Now we're talkin' priorities. So how about this? Earn the right to say, "I'm a Vampire Diaries-viewing professional," and earn some money at the same time. We're looking for a talented and opinionated writer and pop culture junkie to become the expert for Vampire Diaries -- that means blogging, recapping, Top 10s, gossip coverage, and otherwise leading web users to what they need to know about *your* show. We also love exclusive interviews with the cast/contestants (past and present) and anyone involved with the show! Send us two sassy-snarky Vampire Diaries-themed writing samples that are approximately 300-500 words each. Then, let's talk. Relevant entertainment web writing experience *required*. Writer must be available 10 -- 15 hours per week when the show is in-season, approximately 2 -5 hours off-season.

PLEASE READ BEFORE APPLYING: We'd like to see a cover letter, your resume, and two entertainment-related writing samples (300 - 500 words each), then let's talk. Resumes missing any of this information will be immediately disregarded."

Are you OBSESSED and CONSUMED?!?

Craigslist is a reliable source for comedy, and I look at it every day. Some of the funniest ads are in the category "TV and Radio Jobs."

Take this one for example:

JEWLERY STORE PHOTO SHOOT CASTING

**Absolutely no tattoos larger than 2x2 inches

Are huge tats really a concern in ATLANTA?! If they are trying to sell "bling" maybe they should be more open to tats... They sure don't know how to spell...

*************************************************************************************************************************

Ever wondered how reality shows find people? I figured it out. They answer ads like these:

 

NOW CASTING: DO YOU HAVE A "WHO DONE IT" AND NEED A LIE DETECTOR TEST? (NATIONWDIE) Do you think a friend or family member has lied to you, stolen from you, or scammed you? Do you need a lie detector test to get to the bottom of it? Our nationally syndicated talk show would love to hear from you. Please send an email to XXXXXXXX.XXX with your name, contact info, picture, and a brief description of your story. [note how the word highlighted above is spelled incorrectly!]

*************************************************************************************************************************

Here's another one that I am pretty sure is a reality TV show trolling for wacky guests:

MAJOR NETWORK CASTING WOMEN AGES 16-25!

"Are you married and or soon to be headed down the isle? Are you seriously discussing marriage with your significant other? Do you have friends with big personalities who are getting ready for their big day or recently announced an engagement?

A major TV network is seeking fun women under the age of 25 who are either married or are planning to wed within the next two years. If any of the above fits you or anyone you know, please write in and share your story. Please also include your name, email address, two current photos, and the best phone number to reach you."

So, in plainer English: are you a hot looking young "lady" who is engaged? Do you have a bunch of trashy friends?  I'm surprised the entire ad is spelled correctly. See the italicized phrase? That sentence is not grammatically correct. Ha!

How many women under age 25 [outside of Hooterville] are engaged? Young women these days wait longer and longer to wed, if they ever wed at all.

****************************************************************************************************************************

I like an ad that sounds semi-hysterical, like this one:

ARE YOU ADDICTED TO DIET & EXERCISE?

"Are you or someone you know obsessed or even addicted to dieting and exercising? Has the obsession to lose or maintain weight and calorie count gotten the best of you? From too much time in the gym, trying every diet out there, sneaking work out time away from the job and family, stepping on a scale 10 times a day, etc -- if you find yourself spending more time dieting & exercising more than you do everything else -- PLEASE SHARE YOUR STORY!

Screaming Flea Productions (the creators of HOARDERS and MY SHOPPING ADDICTION) in association with a major cable network is working on a new series called OBSESSED & CONSUMED and is seeking FEMALES CANDIDATES between the ages of 18-45 who may be on the verge of a crisis due to their obsession/addiction to DIET & EXERCISE

To apply please go to XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX and click on the OBSESSED & CONSUMED"

 

It occurs to me that if you ARE addicted to dieting and exercising, you probably don't have time to check ads on Craigslist.

*************************************************************************************************************************

Casting: Women who lose their tempers at work! (Georgia)

"A major cable network is now casting women who constantly lose their temper IN THE WORKPLACE!

If your customers, bosses or co-workers simply drive you crazy and you can't hold back, we want to hear from you.

Is arguing a regular part of your job? Is dealing with unhappy customers the norm? Are you expected to have a bit of an attitude to get the job done?

Do you work in an environment where YELLING is the only way to get things done?!

Whether the tempers flare between those you work with or those you serve, we want to hear your story.

Contact us today and we will forward you the application and show information."

OK, this one is leaving out one important word: BOSS. Because if you are constantly losing it at work and yelling? You aren't keeping a job for very long. So you have to be the boss or the owner of the company. [Julie Sugarbaker? Are you there?!]

**************************************************************************************************************************

The ad below is probably the best one I have ever seen. I am deathly curious about who would answer it:

CASTING: GROSS guys and the FABULOUS women who love them!

"Are you a woman hiding a dirty secret? Is your boyfriend/fiancé/husband an obnoxious filthy slob? Are you constantly disgusted by his behavior? Does his grossness and annoying habits embarrass you in public? Do people constantly question how you can live with your man? Or how he ended up with someone like you? Do these words fail to even describe the level of disgust your man exhibits?

Most importantly - do you love him anyway?

Secret or not, a major cable network is looking for men who are messy, sloppy, filthy, or just plain gross and the fabulous women who love them. We're looking for big personalities who aren't afraid to share their true habits with the world (ex- dirty/ never washed wardrobe, eating out of dumpsters, snot rocketing in public, etc). Whatever it is, we want to hear from you!

If you think this sounds like you and your man - and for more information - please send your name, contact information, current photos, a description of your relationship, and why you think you'd be perfect for this show to: XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX.com

We look forward to hearing your story!"

 

OK, I keep going back to the phrase "snot rocketing in public." Isn't THAT a lovely visual??!

Enterprising people who can act are probably making a living going on "reality" shows and pretending all this stuff, so they can be cast in these TV shows. This proves my long-held theory that "reality" shows have nothing to do with reality WHATSOEVER. It's just BAD ACTING. Yikes.

Below, actor Mickey Rourke, who probably inspired that last ad: