The Crab Chronicles

My Scary Weird Bucket List

There's a great movie called The Bucket List and before I saw that (years ago) I only had a vague idea of what a "bucket list" is, and although it's a terrific movie it didn't make me want to run out and write a bucket list.

Most bucket lists have things like "travel to Europe" or "skydive" or "meet the pope," etc. 

My bucket list is completely different. First of all, travel is not all it's cracked up to be. I cannot imagine anything that would entice me to sit on an airplane for hours, stuck in a big metal tube in the sky, in close proximity to a hundred strangers, exposed to their coughs and farts and sharing a tiny bathroom with all of them. BTDT when I went to Russia 4 times and Kazakhstan 2 times between 2003 and 2007. I am not scared to fly, but I hate flying because I hate crowds.

For the record, I hated crowds before Covid but I now utterly loathe crowds and I will never willingly expose myself to them. No game, concert, or church service will ever entice me to be around crowds.I am a homebody, and that's not uncommon for folks my age.

My son and I had a very late lunch yesterday at Honeybaked Ham and there were no other people in the store as customers, and just 2 guys behind the counter. It was lovely.

I will never willingly skydive. Somebody very big and strong, holding a gun, would be necessary before I would jump out of an airborne airplane and even then I would hesitate. I fear no diaper would save me from the dire consequences of that jump, because unlike lighter people my fat ass would plummet me straight to the ground long before the parachute would open. The mess would be terrible, unless I was dropped into the ocean.

No, my bucket list will likely have to wait for some scientific breakthroughs or a resurgence of elemental magic before it will ever be possible, any of it. It's below, in no particular order.

1) time travel to 1978 and leave a note for my high school self saying "give up all carbs forever and join a gym asap and workout every.single.day"

2) have a nice long lunch with Tom Hanks

3) move into my own house which has a screened-in back porch and sits on at least two acres

4) spend the day with all of my Thompson first cousins and their families, just eating and chilling out and visiting

5) spend the day with all of my Hasty first cousins and their families, just eating and chilling out and visiting

6) eat a big piece of chocolate cheesecake with no gastric consequences

7) spend a week at the beach, slightly off season like maybe in September, with my kids and my best friends, all in one big house with a pool

8) have a weekend visit with my only sibling, who hasn't visited me in years

9) time travel back to 1957, to just after my parents get married, and tell my parents to get some counseling

10) time travel back to 1970 so I can talk to my grandfather (Bob Hasty) and ask him to tell me about the scandal that cost him his major league baseball career. [I tried to write a book about it, a novel, Return to Marietta, but it didn't sell]

11) eat a nice long lunch with my favorite singer, Mary Chapin Carpenter

12) have some private lessons with the Dalai Llama on meditation and inner peace

13) write a bestselling novel

14) spend a few days in the mountains of East Tennessee during the Fall, with one of my friends and no crowds [this is the most farfetched of all my list items!]

15) travel across Canada, through the Canadian Rockies, by train

 

I just re-read my list and realized a lot of the items have to do with spending time with family and friends. I think at the end of my life that's what I will regret most, not spending more time with family and friends.

#weirdbucketlist, #postcovidbucketlist, #timetravelshouldbereal, #ihatecrowds, #canadianrockiesrock, #writinglifewoes, #regretsinlife, #timetravelisreal, #magicsolveseverything

 

The Best First Line

I have long been fascinated by the first lines of bestselling novels because most people will not keep reading unless that first line grabs them, and then it's up to the author to carry the good momentum to the first paragraph and the first chapter. Below are a few famous first lines, just for reference:

 

"Scarlett O'Hara was not beautiful, but men seldom realized it when caught by her charm as the Tarleton twins were." Gone With the Wind, by Margaret Mitchell

"While I was still in Amsterdam, I dreamed about my mother for the first time in years." The Goldfinch, by Donna Tartt

"She is twelve years old, and she will be married in the morning." The Covenant of Water, by Abraham Verghese

"First, I got myself born." Demon Copperhead by Barbara Kingsolver (Winner of the 2023 Pulitzer Prize)

"It wasn't a very likely place for disappearances, at least at first glance." Outlander by Diana Gabaldon

 

So I am trying to come up with an idea for my next novel, and I am taking my time because I want it to be my best book yet. I have an unpublished manuscript I am shopping around to agents but without much luck, so it occurred to be that I need to do a better job of coming up with the first line of my next book. Once I have the first line, I generally will be able to come up with the gist of the book's plot and from there and outline will shake out eventually.

Below are some first lines I like, but I'd like to know which one you like best. Drop me a comment and let me know.

1) DNA doesn't lie, but Ann still couldn't believe what she was seeing on her computer screen because the truth of it made everything in her life completely false and hollow.

2) Jayne stared at the soaking wet, naked man with long tangled blonde hair lying on the floor and tried to understand the events that had led to his appearance in her life -- and from there she hoped to be able to harness the mysterious power she had been unaware of just one minute ago.

3) "When you believe in yourself, really believe, other people will too," Skyler's father told her sternly, hoping she would believe his words, that she would listen.

4) There are places in the world like Greystone Georgia where the past and the present exist simultaneously, with just the thinnest of membranes separating them, but Charlie Bay could see that membrane clearly, despite the migraine.

5) It's time to tell you the truth about your daddy, and what happened the night you were born -- but don't be thinking you'll have the right to hate me then because you won't.

6) Camellia Gardenia Crow was named after two famous Southern flowers because she had to be named after her two grandmothers, according to a family tradition she hated -- but as a result she spent her childhood stomping in every mud puddle she encountered, loudly hollering whenever possible, and determined to be as ill-mannered and obnoxious as a child could be. 

Check out my newest novel, Dancing in the Wreckage, on Amazon.

bestfirstlinesofbooks, #firstlinesthatmakeyouwanttoreadthebook, #firstlineofanewbestseller

above, me in London, 1988

Errors That Nobody Caught, A Rant

I feel the need to launch a rant, y'all.. We live in a world where sloppiness is the norm rather than the exception. My pet peeves are errors in the written word that obviously indicate the writer or his editor didn't proofread carefully enough, and errors in TV shows and movies set in the past.

I have a cousin who is a wealthy and successful real estate investor and a recent interview with him contained grammar and usage errors in EVERY paragraph! I was horrified. I went on the writer's website and sent him a message. I have no hope that writer will correct all the errors. My cousin still looked handsome and his remarks were intelligent and thoughtful but the errors really bothered me.

Last year I worked briefly for a company whose website contained a lot of content that was filled with errors and just bad writing. I tried to fix all the errors and make the writing better. My efforts were not appreciated and we parted ways. I see they just hired a new writer -- some kid right out of college who undoubtedly works cheap -- and her stories contain a lot of errors, so they didn't learn their lesson, which is too bad.

Maybe I am a super unusual person because I am the daughter and granddaughter of teachers. When I see typos or grammar or usage errors they jump off the page and hit me in the face. I don't claim to be perfect. Every so often I post a blog without realizing there are errors, despite my careful proofreading. I immediately get on the blog and fix the problems. They bother me. A LOT. 

When my mother was alive I always asked her to proofread everything I wrote. She would see typos and problems I just hadn't seen. I miss that, and of course I miss her terribly.

I worry about the fact that computers are relied on more and more to edit and they really can't. The piece about my cousin is a prime example. The computer left the word "August" because it's a legitimate and correctly spelled word. However, it should have been AUGUSTA -- with an A -- because that was the subject of the sentence, Augusta Georgia. Further down in the article the word "air" was used when it should have been "err."

Computers also make mistakes. I've typed Word documents many times and been forced to see something I've written questioned. For instance, Word would have corrected "smocking" to "smoking." Two very different things. Fortunately, I am not relying on the computer to correct my work. I know more than the computer. Many young people, however, do not.

I belong to a number of book lovers' groups on Facebook and there are constant debates about whether or not readers care about books that have grammar errors or punctuation issues or typos. Many people just say they don't even notice, which is a bit frightening, to me.

TV shows or movies set in the past that have characters talking in an unrealistic way also bug me, a lot.

There is a wonderful series on Amazon Prime called The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel which I have loved from the beginning of its broadcast. Mrs. Maisel is probably the best series available on any streaming service. Much of the dialogue is brilliant. Not all of it, though. I know Amy Sherman- Palladino and her husband write most of the shows. Amy is just a little younger than me. However, she clearly hasn't spent countless hours watching old movies and TV shows because she writes like the story is set in the present.

The show takes place from the late 1950's to early 1960's, but the dialogue doesn't always reflect that. For instance, people in the early 1960's didn't say they were going to "hang out" or just "hang." Nobody would have said someone "needed closure" or used the phrase "freak out." In 1962 a waiter would not say a wine is “fruit forward.” I am re-watching the series with my son and there are constantly issues like that. People in 1962 likely would not refer to cigarettes as causing cancer because everybody smoked then and the big push for people to stop wasn’t until 1964. [Side note: Both my parents smoked, my entire childhood, and so did a lot of other people. I spent a lot of time cleaning ashtrays and not hearing anyone talk about cancer until the mid 1970's.]

The crux of the problem is simple. The world is divided into people like me who HATE to see errors in writing, and people who think it doesn’t matter at all. I don’t t hink there is much middle ground.

It's clear which side the Palladinos are on. In season 5 we see Midge's father, a theater critic, misspell Carol Channing's name and go WAAAAY overboard with self-loathing, for spelling her last name "Chaning." It shows him trying to call all the magazine subscribers and apologize, and almost having a breakdown over that one little typo.

Maybe I am just a perfectionist. Maybe I get too worked up over errors. I just hate seeing writing that is close to being good but then gets spoiled by mistakes. To me, it's like this: I could be offered the most expensive champagne in the world and seeing a dead fly floating in my glass is going to stop me from drinking one drop of it. I know a lot of people who would just scoop out the fly and forget it was ever there and drink that stuff right down...

 

above, my mother around 1956 looking a bit like Mrs. Maisel

#mrsmaiseldialogue, #typossuck, #proofreadingisimportant, #editingisimportant

Twelve Writing Tips for Novelists

Whenever I write about writing or about my books my Facebook feed shows lots of pop-up ads for writers needing writing and marketing advice. I always roll my eyes when I see those. There are tons of scam artists out there trying to make a fast buck off of people like me who like to write but who don't have a literary agent.

Just yesterday I saw an ad for a "contest" and in order to enter it you had to pay $75! Um, no, that is a load of bollocks.

You can read all the advice in the world about writing and it won't do that much good if one thing isn't true: your commitment to writing. I've read how-to books about writing novels and really felt like there was a lot of great advice in them but it took me YEARS to work up the guts to even try to write an actual novel. You have to really want to be good at writing, or you won't be. Nobody "accidentally" writes a novel.

So for what it's worth, here are some writing tips from me.

1. Assess your commitment. Do you really want to be a great writer? If not, walk away. Writing is really hard and lonely and often doesn't pay off so if you aren't committed, just find something else creative to do.
2. Read. Read novels all the time. Put down your phone and read novels, or read novels on a Kindle app on your phone. I recently started reading a novel on my phone and wow, I thought I would hate it but I don't. I always have my phone on me and now I don't have to find my paper book and stick it in my purse before I run errands or go to the doctor. Reading instructs you in how to write better than any class.
3. Forget about being "literary." That stymied me for years. I have an MA in Creative Writing and I figured anyone who knew that would expect me to write in a very mannered, "literary" style that's not me at all. I had to get past that.
4. Outlines are optional. I was convinced for years that until I could produce a detailed, brilliant outline that my novels would simply be a mess. Not true. You can start off with just a vague notion and see where each day's output takes you. There are many famous writers like Pat Conroy who never made an outline before starting a book. I just never like to be constrained by an outline. I like to see where my imagination takes me as I write. Sometimes minor characters become major ones, or something interesting pops into my head as I write. I have to be able to go off plan, often. 
5. Your life is fodder for your writing. Everything that happens to you will always be great to use because you are intimately familiar with it. However, you can definitely reach beyond your own life. I was the kid who was always eavesdropping on grownup conversations and I didn't realize then that family stories and gossip are excellent sources for books. After hearing so many family stories about my grandparents' early marriage I was inspired to write Return to Marietta. My main characters, Lillian and Will, are closely based on my grandparents, but since it's a novel I was free to improvise the rest of the book.
6. Be curious. Be a busybody. Ask people questions like "Tell me about how you met your boyfriend?" or "How did you feel when you left that party?"
   or "Did you like school as a child?" etc. I am blessed to have friends who have led much more interesting lives than I have -- so I have lots of material. Of course, if you use what they say you will need to change the names and/or some details so all your friends and relatives don't stay mad at you all the time...
7. Don't write stereotypes. My mother used to tell me "All bad people have some good in them and all good people have some bad in them." Even Hitler liked dogs. One-dimensional characters are boring. In the movie 3:10 to Yuma Russell Crowe has a great line when he says "Even bad men love their mamas."
8. Write a lot of garbage. I hesitated to write for years because I was so fearful it wouldn't be any good. I should have started writing much sooner but I let that fear stop me. Truth is, you will likely write a LOT of crap before you can write something fairly decent. Writing is a process of trial and error. The more you try, the more you win.
9. Short stories don't matter. I had heard so many times that in order to be a good novelist you had to write short stories. Nope. I rarely write short stories. Almost never. A great short story is very different from a novel. Mastery of one doesn't guarantee mastery of the other.
10. Be sparing with description. I have stopped reading so many books because the author just went ON and ON about the color of curtains and the state of the weather and those held no interest for me. If you really love lots and lots of detailed descriptions, good for you. Write thousands of words describing the scene before any action occurs. Just don't cry to me when people fall asleep reading your book.
11. Find readers to help you out. After I finish a book I send it out to a few trusted readers so I can get constructive feedback. I cannot be objective, nor can anyone, when it comes to their own work.
12. Do not let rejection force you to stop. Not everyone will like what you write. Many literary agents will have no interest in what you write. Do NOT let their criticism or rejection cause you to stop writing. As long as you are enjoying writing, nobody has a right to tell you to stop.

 

#freewritingadvice, #howtowriteanovel, #thewriterslife, #tipsforauthors, #tipsfornovelists

Dancing in the Wreckage

I am proud to introduce my newest book to the world: Dancing in the Wreckage. Here's what it's about, in a nutshell: When wealthy attorney Carson Strickland dies in a plane crash he leaves everything to a son nobody knows about, and his law partner’s search for the heir uncovers secrets buried for years.

Dancing in the Wreckage defies easy categorization. It's a mystery, a romance, a coming-of-age story, a family saga, and a quirky character-driven story. One of the main characters is dead, and yet his story provides a lot of humor.

I had a lot of fun writing it. It's very different from my other books.

A few years ago after helping my third cousin Roy discover his connection to me through my maternal great-grandmother I started thinking about unexpected family connections. Many people do the testing offered by Ancestry, 23andMe, and other sites, and learn really startling things about their families. Sometimes they are adopted, like Roy, and know nothing about their birth families. Other times they learn their father was not their biological parent. I know 23andMe has counselors trained to help people in the “NPE” (non-parent expected) category.

This book was inspired by a real-life situation I found myself in during the summer of 2022, when I looked at my list of DNA relatives on 23andMe and decided to proactively try to help one of my second cousins figure out our connection. I had been on 23andMe for years and always noticed various people whose names were not familiar, and I just knew there were fascinating stories back there. I called one of my other cousins and together we figured out how this lady was related. Turns out she was his half sister!She was welcomed into our family with great enthusiasm.

I was fascinated by the notion of growing up thinking your father was one person and then finding out years later that your biological father was someone you never met. I started writing. Rarely am I so inspired by real events!

That said, Dancing in the Wreckage is purely fictional.

Not only is it the story of an attorney named Carson Strickland, it's the story of Zak and Amy -- two individuals who are connected to Carson and yet unknown to each other for years -- who meet and recount their life stories, trying to understand their connections to him. Amy grew up fearful and puzzled by men, as there were only females in her home. When she gets old enough to date, disaster ensues. Eventually she realizes she can only find peace alone. Zak’s story is very different. He grew up in a conventional family. At age 18, Zak learned a family secret that rocked him, and he embarked on a life of aimless addiction and partying for a while. Eventually he fell in love and decided to join the family barbeque business. When Zak and Amy finally finish sharing their complicated life stories, they realize they love each other -- and more importantly, that the truth about Carson can actually generate healing and closure, instead of pain.

I realized as I was writing that the book depicts so many sides of the adoption triangle, most obviously in the way Zak’s life and Amy’s lives differ. I have two adopted children, now grown, and so adoption issues are particularly fascinating to me. What most people don’t really know is that when a mother places a child for adoption, although it’s a very selfless act, it’s also undoubtedly traumatic to both mother and child, a primal wound. It must be acknowledged for there to be any real healing.

I wanted to depict many different scenarios – adoption, abortion, keeping a child, placing a child, a child growing up in an orphanage. I also wanted to show different family situations -- single-parent homes, two parent homes, etc. -- and the pros and cons of each.

Having said that, Dancing in the Wreckage is NOT a message book. There is a lot of humor in it.

I am delighted to share that it's also set partly in Tucker, Georgia, my adopted hometown. I moved to this area almost 30 years ago and Tucker is the best-kept secret in the Atlanta metro area -- a friendly small town an easy drive to the bustling metropolis of Atlanta. The photo on the cover is downtown Tucker.

I seem to find myself always writing about Atlanta, Augusta, and Knoxville, but I make no apologies. They are all great cities and I have been blessed to live in each one. I also write about attorneys a lot, and paralegals, and I know those professions very well. 

I hope you will order a copy of Dancing in the Wreckage and that you'll enjoy reading it. Pass along the link to all your friends who love to read!

 

 

Words of Praise

I am in Deep Writing Mode, and it's hard to describe to someone who isn't a writer. It's a state of perfect happiness and profound weirdness. I am filled with impatience when I am not at the computer. I find myself turning off the TV or putting down a book I'm reading and just staring into space for a while, thinking.

You see, when I write, my characters come alive. It's like they are trying to get my attention so I can tell their stories, which is what I want to do, in the best way possible.

Ten years ago I wanted to write novels but I feared I would never have the talent or the patience to even finish a novel, about anything. All I had ever written were a ton of poems and maybe three short stories, plus a few screenplays that stank.

Poetry is easier because nobody expects a poem to make sense. Most poems can be read in under 5 minutes. In contrast, most novels are 60-90,000 words and take a few hours to read.

I wrote my first novel about 5 years ago. I was so thrilled when I finished it and typed The End. I immediately e-mailed it to everyone I knew. Only much later did I cringe, thinking how bad it was and how all my friends and relatives who tried to read it must have been appalled by how bad it was. 

Oh well.

I've read a lot of books by famous writers about how to write. For me, about 90% of their advice was useless. I am not going to spend years studying Greek and Roman classical texts, and I am not going to get up at 4 a.m. and start writing, or blast ear-splitting heavy metal while I write. I even took one of those online Master Classes where I watched famous writers on videos talking about how to write. Only one of those writers told me anything worth remembering, Dan Brown. I loved The DaVinci Code, but I've not liked any of his other books half as much. I hated The Lost Symbol because it had some unkind things to say about freemasonry, and since my father and both grandfathers were masons, I got ticked.

The only way to really learn how to write fiction is to just write. Every writer has to figure out for themself what works and what doesn't. You can take classes and read books and go to writer's groups with boundless dedication and enthusiasm, but in the end, you just have to sit and write.

The good thing about my first novel is that it was bad. I was forced to re-read it and cringe and that was really great because I could see where I had gone wrong. If it had been awesome I wouldn't have learned anything.

With my most recent novel, Return to Marietta, I have had a number of people -- some of them not even my friends or relatives -- reach out and tell me how much they enjoyed reading it. That was very encouraging. See below for some random comments by different folks.

"I just finished Return to Marietta. It was wonderful! I can't stress enough just how good this book was. I wish you would consider making it a little series, I know you could get at least 3 books out of it following the family in today's world. If you don't do that, keep writing, don't ever quit! love, love, loved the book!"

"This book has it all! I laughed aloud, cried, prayed, was touched, angered, terrified, and ecstatic. It is AWESOME."

"I thoroughly enjoyed “Return to Marietta.” I loved that the story was based on your grandparents."

Some folks may think it's childish and immature to post words of praise like that but so be it. I sit alone in my room for hours every day and write, and getting feedback is so important to my mental health. Even constructive criticism is fine, as long as the person isn't just a jerk about it. My BFF since infancy, Joanne, is brilliant at reading my manuscripts and pointing out the flaws without being mean. I always take her advice to heart, and I usually follow it.

If you love to read, I urge you to go to the author's website and contact them and let them know how much you like their work. It will mean a lot to the author, even if they are famous.

left, the cover of the hardback book

 

right, my grandparents on their wedding day in 1923

Writing About The Current Crisis

I was blessed to have two parents that liked talking to me and my brother when we were kids, and who told us vivid stories about their childhoods and the years before my brother and I joined the family.

Mom and Dad made topics that were dry and boring in school [World War II, The Cold War, The Cuban Missile Crisis] far more interesting because we got to hear how their lives were impacted by those things.

Mom told me the Cuban Missile Crisis was particularly stressful for the family because I was an infant and on formula, and they were scared to leave town because they didn't know if they could get formula for me. SO they decided to just stay put and take their chances. [During the Cuban Missile Crisis, leaders of the U.S. and the Soviet Union engaged in a tense, 13-day political and military standoff in October 1962 over the installation of nuclear-armed Soviet missiles on Cuba, just 90 miles from U.S. shores.]

Dad watched his two older brothers go off to war during World War II and then recalled his joy when his brothers came home alive. Lewis came home and showed the family how to grill steaks outside, which none of them had ever done -- putting an old metal shelf from the fridge over a hole in the ground filled with charcoal, a crude grill. Lewis had been on an island in the Pacific for months, watching for Japanese soldiers and airmen to invade, a nerve-wracking experience he never really talked about afterwards. [Lewis' photo is on the right]

Dad also told us when America got into the war his father, who had been in World War I, told Dad and his friends to dig a trench so they could play trench warfare. Grandaddy marked off the exact place to dig the trench and encouraged the digging. A few months later a new septic tank was placed in the "trench" -- and he didn't have to pay somebody to dig it. [Grandaddy was nobody's fool...]

Mom told me just recently that as soon as the polio crisis got really bad, her parents both worked one day, all day long, emptying out the kitchen cabinets and scrubbing every surface with a mixture of Clorox and water, and wiping down all the foodstuff in the house. They were already major germaphobes, both of them, but when polio was rampant in America they got really serious. Which is GOOD -- nobody in the family got polio.

 

As I mentioned in my prior blog, we are living in a fascinating [and yes, scary] time in history. Imagine if someone who had lived through the Great Fire of London or the Black Plague or the Revolutionary War had written a clear and personal account of how their daily life was affected by that? I would LOVE to read such an account.

Historians concentrate on facts -- dates, places, battles, etc. -- dry and boring, usually. Real people writing real accounts of daily life? Fascinating.

I think my love of history comes from my parents' willingness to make it come alive for us.

 

I was thinking today, what will future generations find interesting about living through the Coronavirus Pandemic of 2020?

While most of us have some extra time on our hands I want to urge you, readers, to write up an account of what it's like to live through this pandemic. Maybe you don't have grandchildren yet but someday you might -- or not -- but maybe you will have great nieces and nephews. I know most of you aren't professional writers, so I thought it might be helpful if I posted what are called Writing Prompts. You can use these as inspiration to write up your own account. Then save it printed out or on a thumb drive, for future generations.

If you really don't like to write but you are tech savvy, make a video of yourself talking about the crisis, and save it somewhere.

 

above -- my Hasty grandparents in 1951

 

Writing Prompts

I first heard about the Coronavirus and my thoughts were...

I decided it was important to take steps to safeguard my family during this time so I...

There are shortages of things in my town and these are some of the hard-to-get items...

I was working up until _____ and then I started working from home on ______ and it has been.....

In the midst of all the scary news stories and sadness I have found some really positive things and they are...

Social media has actually been a blessing because I have been able to safely keep up with what friends and family members are doing, and this is my favorite post/meme...

These are the things I notice when I drive down the street in my town nowadays...

I do/do not know someone who has had the Coronavirus and here's more about that...

These are the ways my life has changed in the past few weeks....

In the future, I think life will be different because of this pandemic and here's what I think will change...

This is the saddest thing I have heard since this crisis started...

This is the funniest thing I have seen/heard...

This is my opinion of what the government has done in response to this crisis [remember local, state, and Federal]

Twenty Questions With Peter Stoddard

My father loved Lewis Grizzard. Mom and Dad always read his column in the paper, and I read it too, even though I was a bit too young to really appreciate the humor. In the 1980’s and early 90’s I would give Dad a book by Grizzard every Father’s Day and sometimes at Christmas or on his birthday. [the book titles were always fun: Elvis is Dead and I don’t Feel So Good Myself, Shoot Low Boys They’re Riding Shetland Ponies, It Wasn’t Always Easy but I Sure Had Fun, etc.]

I think we loved Lewis because his background was similar to Dad’s. Lewis Grizzard was a very Southern humorist, from Moreland Georgia. He grew up poor. He liked to drink and party. His personal life was kind of a hot mess because he was married 4 times and joked “Next time I meet a woman I’m just going to buy her a house and skip all the rest.” [or words to that effect] He was also a diehard fan of the University of Georgia bulldogs. 

Grizzard died in 1994. It seems like yesterday. 

I saw a Facebook ad the other day for a book about Lewis Grizzard, Lewis Grizzard: The Dawg That Did Not Hunt. I immediately shared it on my page because I know a lot of my Facebook friends remember Grizzard with great fondness.

I wanted to interview the author, Peter Stoddard. Pete has had a long career in marketing and sales and he is a delightful interview subject.

Pete was a UGA BBA Marketing graduate in 1979, President of the UGA Chapter of the American Marketing Association and VP of the Terry Business School Council. He jokes that he won narrow elections vs a park bench for each role and that today he can not even get a phone appointment with the people who now hold those roles.

Pete got interested in writing about Grizzard after he moved back here from Florida a few years ago. He visited an excellent museum in Grizzard’s hometown of Moreland and asked where Grizzard’s other personal possessions were. The Moreland volunteer understood a lot was at UGA but he did not know where. As luck would have it Pete was headed to Athens the following week.

Pete: “I went to Athens and spoke to a guy at UGA named Dink Nesmith. He owns 25  newspapers in Georgia and the Carolinas and is former President of the UGA Board of Regents. When I asked why Grizzard’s legacy seemed to be fading Dink thought for a minute and said, “I guess somebody just needs to champion the cause. Maybe that’s you.” I was floored but mightily flattered. Dink put me in touch with Jim Minter, the guy who hired Lewis right out of UGA and was with him the day he died.”

Pete finished Lewis Grizzard: The Dawg That Did Not Hunt in three months. That’s impressive. After typing and paginating his reams of notes he was astonished to discover he had over 400 pages. With that he decided to publish, knowing so many contacts and their stories would have to wait.

In addition to Minter, Pete interviewed a ton of other folks that knew Lewis and remembered him very well, like Frederick Allen, the business writer for the Atlanta Journal Constitution. Allen benefited because when Grizzard’s column didn’t appear Frederick’s column would be in Grizzard’s space. He didn’t know Grizzard very well until the Democratic convention at which Jimmy Carter was nominated for president in 1976 and then they went out drinking one night and became friends. 

Pete wanted to publish the book well in advance of the March 25th anniversary of Grizzard’s death. Strangely, the 25th anniversary came and went and, the Atlanta Journal Constitution did nothing until months later. [I was rather disgusted by that and so was Pete, just FYI.]

Like me, Pete is a self-published author but [unlike me] he has tremendous talent for marketing. He frequently speaks to Rotarians and Kiwanis Clubbers about his book. [My dad was in both Rotary and Kiwanis, for many years, just fyi.] If you are in the Atlanta area and hear he is going to speak to your group, I urge you to attend. If you are a member of a group that might enjoy having him speak, give him a holler.

 

What is your full name?

Peter Stoddard

Where would you live, if you could live anywhere in the world?

Not sure. Maybe New Zealand. I love right where I am at. Cumming, Forsyth County GA.

What is your favorite movie and why?

Too many to name, but today I recommended a favorite, 1776. 

It combines my favorite topics. The founding of America, patriotism, humor and music. [Note from Dee: I love that movie too!]

What was your least-favorite subject in school when you were a kid?

Typing. But now as a writer I wish I had paid more attention. When I put my mind to it I dictate to text, but I don’t do that often enough.

What was your nickname when you were a kid? 

Several. Chuck, Landoi, Polecat, the Mailman. No one person called me any of those, but a lot of people called me each.

Do you believe in God? 

Profoundly.

What sound or noise do you love? 

Thunderstorms, leaves or snow falling, waterfalls, scuba bubbles, children laughing.  

If you could do anything other than what you do, as a profession, what would it be?  

Travel related to scuba diving with my sons working by my side. We would write about it together. If no one hired us to do it that would be their loss. My sons are far smarter and funnier than I am. Getting them to sit still and write is another thing. That’s where I need to get better at speech to text. I can handle the editing and publishing part. (By the way, if anyone needs Grammarly they need to go back to 6th grade English. https://www.powerthesaurus.org is my favorite tool.)

If heaven exists, what do you think it is like? 

When you arrive you learn absolutely everything at once forever. It will be wonderful. I like to think I do not fear death, but that does not mean I want it to come tomorrow. Life on earth is short, and I have work to do. I hope to help others find God in the remaining time I have.

Do you have siblings? 

Yes, two older brothers.

What is your favorite memory of childhood [something specific]?

Between age 6 & 8 we lived in suburban Boston. I was riveted by colonial history, field trips to Freedom Trail sites and more. Only after we moved to Atlanta did I discover that ancestors on my Mother’s and Father’s side arrived in Boston in the 1630s. They were important people who may have known each other, but few have heard of them. I look forward to meeting them in Heaven, but I want to revive their legacies first.

If you had to choose between one week traveling around the USA by car, or one week traveling around Europe on a train, which would you choose and why? 

Europe by train. I’ve only been to Paris, St Petersburg & Moscow. Those were joyous trips to adopt my youngest son, but they were fraught with tension. I’d want to take both sons with me and be able to relax.

What inspires you? 

God, my sons, intelligent and kind people.

Which holiday do you prefer, Christmas or July 4th? 

Both, but Christmas first. Both from the historic perspective, not the celebration. I dislike home fireworks with a passion. Increasingly Good Friday and Easter are more important than any. Those are the days that changed the world forever.

What project or idea are you most passionate about, right now? 

Lewis Grizzard, family history, saving America and Western civilization from lunacy.

Do you know how to cook? 

A few things very well. Omelets, and I can grill - but who can’t? Good thing I live near a Costco with organic cheap food that requires zero preparation. I love Trader Joe’s. Why Cumming does not have one I do not know.

What is your favorite thing to cook/eat? 

BBQ, filet of sole, oysters, sushi, ribeyes, sauteed spinach, apple pie or caramel cake like my mom used to make, Varsity no more than 4 times a year.

If you could go on vacation anywhere in the world, for 2-4 weeks, all expenses paid, where would you go and why? 

New Zealand. Beauty, people, no language barrier, scuba diving. But that’s only from 2nd source info.

Who do you love the most in the world?

Oh please! God, my sons, and hopefully a soulmate woman I have yet to meet.

What question has nobody ever asked you, but you wanted to answer? 

Why did it take me so long to find such joy in life by writing?

 

A Family of Writers

A colleague of mine who is also in the writing and editing business asked me the other day why I write. I don't recall anyone ever asking me that. Anyone who knows me at all well knows that writing is a big part of who I am, and so I don't get that question.

My answer? Because I like it. True. There's more to it than that, though.

I think I realized the power of writing many years ago when I was looking through a box in the den of my parents' house and I found a letter my mother had written to my dad. I started reading it without knowing what it was, because it didn't look like a letter. I should have stopped as soon as I knew it was a private letter, of course, but I couldn't. I had to keep reading. The letter had been written years before and I figured that out pretty quickly, but I couldn't NOT read it. Sometime later, years later, after Dad died, Mom told me she often wrote him letters and gave them to him, because it was easier to write how she felt than to try and verbalize it. She wrote to purge herself of her feelings and to avoid fights. [ Hey, don't judge. They were married almost 40 years, so it worked, the letter writing.]

Another time, I found the yearbook of my maternal grandmother from Bessie Tift College, and she had written several poems that were published in there. I knew her as an old lady who made me clean my room, not a college student, so reading her poetry helped me see her in an entirely new way..

I realized in recent years that in becoming a writer, I was the third generation in my family to like expressing feelings in words.

That's what I should have told my colleague the other day. I write because it allows me to express feelings I can't otherwise express. I can create a character and he/she can do and say things that I can't do or say. My characters can go out in the world and visit places where I can't go. They can have adventures. They can have wild love affairs. They can punch somebody in the face. They can say things I would never dare to say.

I am a southerner, born and bred, and we simply don't express emotions in public the way others do. We are taught from birth to be polite. "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all" -- that was the mantra my parents repeated ad nauseam when I was growing up. I can remember thinking in my rebellious little heart Why can't we say not nice things?!? If I don't say it I will explode!

My grandparents were very Victorian and they had a horror of expressing strong emotions in public. My mother has a horror of crying in public -- to such an extent she refused to allow any music whatsoever at my father's memorial service because she was afraid it would make her cry. I remember arguing with her about it and she told me through gritted teeth I will fall apart if I hear music and so there must be NONE. My response: you are newly widowed, so nobody will judge you if you cry! Mother didn't want to ugly cry in front of 300 people. I totally get it, now.

 

A friend/cousin asked me recently how I come up with plots for stories and books. I had never really thought about it. I think in terms of plots all the time. Doesn't everyone?!? Don't you sit and plot out stories in your head? No? Hmmm...

There's another topic for an entire blog: inner monologues. My father told Mom once the only way he could get through long boring meetings was to do math problems in his head. When I was in corporate America I sat and thought about plots in long boring meetings. Ditto for church -- a sermon, especially, is a great time for me to think about what I will write later. (Episcopalian priests are not usually great sermonizers.)

Stories are how we survive, as humans. Think about it. We watch movies and TV shows for the stories. Think about the term "binge watching" -- we do it a lot now. When my mother was in a rehab place a couple of years ago I was upset and depressed and miserable without her, and I coped by watching 1 or 2 episodes of Game of Thrones every day. I thought I would hate it but I got hooked, like everyone else in the Western World. I have binge-watched a number of shows in the past couple of years. At the end of the day when my work is done and my belly is full of dinner and everything is settled down, I want stories. I want interesting characters. I want surprising plot twists.

There used to be rules in writing for television, believe it or not. Shows had to have moral lessons, even sitcoms. That all changed with Seinfeld. I remember reading their motto was "No hugs, no learning." It was ground-breaking, that show. The days of Donna Reed vacuuming while wearing high heels and pearls were long over.

Now we have not just network TV to choose from, we have HBO, Starz, Netflix, Amazon, Hulu, and Lord knows what else. I can't keep up. Michael helped me buy a "smart TV" recently and the remote terrified me. I can use it now but I still get nervous. We have 3 remotes for the big TV in the family room. My childhood afternoons spent lying in front of the TV so I was close enough to change the channel easily are long gone.

If you had told me as a child I would grow up to have a ginormous selection of shows to watch, on what amounts to basically a computer monitor with voice controls, I would have laughed myself silly. My TV picture is better than most movie theater movies of my childhood. I can watch first-run movies a few months after they are released from the comfort of my own couch, and pause the movie to go to the bathroom or take the dog to walk anytime I feel like it. My inner child is constantly marveling at it all.

I digressed from my original premise. It happens.

Women are natural storytellers and writers, even though it's only been in the last 150 years many of us have become professional writers. We see things from many different perspectives, because we have to be versatile. Men are supposed to work and help around the house. Women are supposed to work, raise kids, make meals and do housework, feed the pets, buy the Christmas and birthday gifts, plan the vacations, handle laundry, and a million other little things. We don't get to just check out after dinner and do nothing, most of us. We can't take sick days or days off very often.

We are spinning a lot of plates in the air.

Here's the better answer to my colleague's question about why I write:

I write because it lets me say things I can't say any other way, sometimes in very impolite ways. I write because sometimes I can't find stories that reflect my life and my concerns so I have to write my own stories. I write because like food and water and fresh air, words sustain me. I write because in doing so I honor my grandmother and my mother, who lived through two World Wars, the Great Depression, trying to raise families under difficult circumstances, and more. Their voices have become my voice. I write because my voice, however flawed and imperfect, is MINE. Nobody can take it away from me. Because this is America, nobody can silence me. I write because I am the last in a long line of very strong women, and there are things about that I need to say. I write because it brings me joy. I write because I love when people tell me "I couldn't put down your book!" It thrills me to hear that. I write because long after I am dead people may read my words and know that we are all different, and we are all the same, and we matter, all human beings.

I write because I am in love with words.

Words are powerful. Words are agents of change. Words can spark revolutions. Words can save lives. Words ARE life.

I write to remind myself that I am alive.

 

Spotlight on Comfort Farms

It's been a while since I posted on here, but I was waiting so I could share some exciting news. Lots going on in my world, most of it good!

As I wrote about back in January, I am passionately involved in helping my friends over at Comfort Farm to get the word out about the wonderful work they do with veterans and the wonderful organic produce and heritage meats they grow. 

A wonderful online magazine, The Cook's Cook, just posted my article Veterans Find Strength and Healing at Comfort Farms. Of all the articles I have ever written, for online or print publications, I am most proud of this one, for several reasons. One, I wholeheartedly believe in Jon Jackson and the incredible work he does at Comfort Farms. Two, I spent a lot of time trying to craft a really impactful article, and discuss not just the veteran aspect but the aspects of organic, sustainable produce, community involvement with the farm, and the importance of knowing where your meat comes from and how it is raised. Three, the editor told me the article needed no editing. (Perhaps only another writer would understand how rare that is!)

I was also delighted to see that my neighbor and friend Carlisle Kellam wrote a terrific piece about visiting Comfort Farms and taking the wonderful photos for the article. Check out Making a Connection at Comfort Farms. Carlisle has many talents, including being a terrific writer, as well as photographer and filmmaker.

Carlisle and I often see each other out walking around in the neighborhood -- him walking his little boys and me walking my dog Lola -- and when I got involved with Comfort Farms I wanted to get him involved, too. We spitballed the idea of making a documentary about Jon's journey to start and grow Comfort Farms itself, which is a remarkable story of faith and perseverance.

After discussing it a bit we decided to go for it. Carlisle has experience making documentaries, and that's critical. I have experience writing films (from years ago, although I was never great at it) but more importantly I could contribute by producing the film. My role is in the background, raising money and finding place to show the film. 

So here's the exciting part. YOU can be a part of the documentary! Click on THIS PAGE and read about the documentary and you can buy a cool tee shirt or sweatshirt or mug with the Comfort Farms logo, or you can simply contribute towards helping us pay for the documentary. 

Carlisle is donating his time, and so am I, but to do it right he will need to hire and pay a crew, and then there are fees to enter it into film festivals all over the country. 

The aim of making it, of course, is to bring attention to Comfort Farms and hopefully encourage folks to donate, plus encourage them to buy foods from Comfort Farms. Jon has a lot of great plans for Comfort Farms. 

If money is tight but you still want to be a part of things, check out the Comfort Farms Documentary Facebook page, or the Comfort Farm community page.

I hope to be able to post soon that we raised all the money for the film and are shooting footage!

Finally, I wanted to let everyone know that Comfort Farms is hosting a very cool event in a few weeks, a Boucherie. Here's more about it, from Jon:

On April the 14th and 15th we are holding our First annual Le Pied Du Mont Boucherie Festival. It's a an educational Fundraiser to bring the community together to see the talent of our Veterans, Farmers, Butchers and Chefs work together to educate the public on the importance of supporting local. The $150 ticket covers two people and will give you a share in all of the livestock, farm produce, wine and craft beer tasting along with the low Country boil and Boucherie. It works out to approximately $35 a day for each person to attend. If you ever wanted to experience the ins and out of farm life and the see first hand the hard work of what our veterans, chefs, farmers and butchers do everyday... This is the event for you. From making sausage, porchetta, fresh crackling and roasted lamb over an open fire pit paired with seasonal veggies from the Dirt Farmers and wine from our region... You will be immersed in to an atmosphere of education that taps into all of your senses. Primitive camping is allowed. This is a zero waste event designed to utilize everything the event has to offer to include using biodegradable plates and sporks that can be turned into work food. Purchase your tickets today and we look forward to seeing you at our 2018 Le Pied Du Mont Boucherie Festival!